It’s growing season! How to respond when a loser asks about your body hair

Who shaves their legs when it’s cold outside? Nobody, that’s who

The struggle of being expected to remove hair from your body is often an unwanted one. Whether you wax, epilate, use hair removal cream, shave, or if you dgaf and revel in the glorious hairiness of your body there will always be some fuckboy (or girl) who decides that it is their job to tell you how to deal with your body hair.

Everyone has a different level of hair naturally, so obviously the intensity of your hair removal schedule (should you choose to have one) will vary. Because I am lazy and believe the free the nipple should be complemented by a free the bush campaign (not in public obviously, I’m sure your vagina is lovely, but you might get arrested for indecent exposure) it seems obvious to me that no one has the right to shame you about your body hair. Although some people might try.

Luckily though there are some tried and tested responses to shut down anyone who thinks that what you decide to do with your body is their business. Hair removal is both time consuming and expensive, I don’t think anyone is able to maintain a permanent level of hairlessness on a consistent enough basis to make it look like you don’t have hair follicles anywhere besides your head.

‘It’s more hygienic if you get rid of your hair’

This is wrong, if you want to get rid of your body hair because it makes you more comfortable, that’s great, but other than an aesthetic choice there are no medical benefits to hair removal. In fact can actually put you at a higher risk of contracting certain STIs. Plus it’s an extra layer of insulation to keep you warm when you can’t afford to turn the heating on.

‘I don’t like the way it looks’

Well boo hoo to you, if it’s not on your body then you don’t get a say on whether it’s there or not. Simple. If this approach doesn’t work smile sweetly and offer to wax his legs, back, chest or armpits as if he is going to hold you to a standard then he should be too. If you are feeling particularly vengeful then epilate the part of his body that he has deemed to be too hairy on you.

However, if you are going for the shock factor then Veet him in his sleep a la Will in the Inbetweeners and innocently inform him that you didn’t like the way it looked.

‘It’s a political statement, are you a feminist?’

I don’t know when female body hair became a political statement, or why it should be but for some reason it is perceived to be one. This probably has a long history of misogyny, but the fact remains that literally every woman has body hair.

This has nothing to do with being a feminist or indeed hating men, but in answer to your question yes I am a feminist and no I don’t hate men (most of them are pretty great). If a girl is feeling the fuzz, most of the time it is simply that she cannot be bothered rather using her leg hair and armpits as propaganda to bring down the patriarchy.

‘But girls shouldn’t have hair’

Due to the fact that they have not gone through puberty, you’re right, girls don’t have body hair. Secondly, women do have body hair and we are the people that you are contending with.

So you should fear my oestrogen fuelled ire if you have the audacity to question why I might have a hairy leg.