You’ll consume 20,689 calories in Freshers’ Week

So you head off to freshers’ week all bright eyed and bushy-tailed, filled with excitement at the prospect of being away from your parents’ ridiculous rules for the first time.

You’re an adult now.  You live away from home, by yourself.  This means that you can have breakfast for dinner, last night’s leftover take-away for breakfast and drink all the alcohol you want, whenever you want it.

In the midst of all this excitement, you probably forgot that both food and alcohol contain calories.

So we’ve done you a favour and worked out how many calories you’ll probably consume during Freshers’ Week and what you would need to do to burn off all that excess.

Day one: 3,870 kcal

The big day has arrived: you’re leaving home.  But obviously your parents aren’t going to let you go hungry.  Your mum cooks you a Full English before you set off (1,126 kcal). Fresher’s is off to a calorific start before you’ve even left home.  You’re so nervous about meeting your new flatmates and so busy unpacking that you don’t really manage to snack much throughout the day.  But then your anxious and loving parents take you out for dinner to help ‘line your stomach’ for the night ahead. You’re a little worried about what you’re next going to eat and when so you order a burger and chips (956kcal).  Once you’ve waved goodbye to Mummy and Daddy it’s time for pre-drinks, you’re a little bit nervous so you take it easy at pres and only drink a quarter of your bottle of vodka.  You haven’t learned the joys of vodka and squash yet so you mix it with calorie heavy Coke.  There are 10 measures of vodka in a quarter of a bottle so if you have five doubles at 168 kcal each that comes in at 840 kcal.

Once you’re out you are eager to impress your new mates so you buy a round of Jagerbombs.  Then all of your flatmates and James from downstairs who’s attached himself to your group buy you one back and before you know it you’ve had six (isn’t uni great? Aren’t your new housemates just so sound?)  Sadly, six Jagerbombs means 948 calories.  Luckily you have no idea where to find a takeaway in this new scary city you’ve found yourself in so you save yourself the calories that come with a late night snack.

Day two: 3,809 kcal

You wake up hungover and feeling a little lost without your mum there to cook you breakfast.  But it’s okay because she bought you a hundred tins of beans and a loaf of bread yesterday so you stagger through to your new kitchen (which is already filthy) and make yourself some beans on toast (115 kcal).  You and your new pals go to the Freshers’ Fair where you stock up on as much free food as you can find, wolfing down a slice of Domino’s (300 kcal), a curry sample (200 kcal) and a dodgy hotdog from the barbecue outside the SU (290 kcal).  Because you are now a sophisticated grown-up you decide to do some food shopping so you can cook yourself dinner.  You choose to cook pesto pasta, a timeless classic.  You don’t have garlic bread though because you’re hoping to pull tonight, you’ve heard everyone gets laid during freshers’ (384 kcal).

After the success of last night you decide to go a bit harder tonight and smash the rest of that vodka (2520 kcal).  Sadly though, you’re not quite the unay legend you thought you were and you end up chundering all over your new room. Research suggests you’ll lose about 50 per cent of the calories you’ve just consumed if you’re sick soon after drinking so that brings the calorie count for day two down.

Day three: 4,494 kcal

Once again, you wake up hungover.  Except this time being hungover is accompanied by a burning sense of shame and a lot of sick to clean up.  Unsurprisingly, you don’t manage much food until you bravely attempt some biscuits early in the afternoon.  You end up eating half a packet of chocolate digestives, that’s nine biscuits and 756 kcal.   At least you feel a bit better now.  You’re not really sure what to have for dinner so you have pesto pasta again (384kcal). You’re eager to prove yourself after the shame of last night so you bravely get back on it at pres despite feeling queasy at the smell of alcohol.  You drink through the hangover, accompanied by chants of ‘down it Fresher’ and sink a bottle of wine (636 kcal).  Once you get out, you’re worried everyone hates you after you made the flat stink of sick last night so you buy everyone jagerbombs again (what else?).  Before you know it, everyone has bought a round and you’ve consumed that 948 kcal again.  While you were hugging the bathroom floor the night before your housemates found the local MacDonald’s.  You pay it a visit after your night out and eat a Big Mac Meal plus the free cheeseburger your shiny new student card gets you (1370 kcal).  The night has been such a success that you decide to share a couple of bevs with your new friends when you get home.  Being the sophisticated student that you are you have a couple of G+Ts, these are obviously doubles and you end up consuming another 400 kcal.

Day four: 4,794 kcal

Now that you’ve bonded with your new flatmates, you decide to all go out for breakfast together.  Except that because you’re freshers you don’t get up until after midday so breakfast is more like brunch and it involves a couple of pints (1542 kcal).  By the time the evening rolls around you realise you can’t face having pasta for the third night in a row so you decide to branch out and have cheesy beans on toast (216 kcal). You checked your bank account after breakfast this morning and were shocked by how much living the student lifestyle has costed you so far.  Feeling aware of this you drink a bottle of Frosty Jacks at pres (1320 kcal).  You don’t buy a round when you’re out  due to your financial concerns and just buy yourself a couple of doubles  instead (336kcal).  You decide to be adventurous tonight and try some of your new city’s post-night out delicacies.  You plump for a kebab and a portion of cheesy chips (1380 kcal).

Day five: 3,722 kcal

The last official day of Freshers’ Week is here.  You are exhausted and hungover and you think you might have Fresher’s Flu.  You’re so hungover that you only manage a couple of slices of toast for breakfast (160 kcal).  The rest of the flat are feeling similarly terrible, so you decide to have a chilled out hangover day at home.  During the course of the day you scoff a whole bag of Doritos (907 kcal), half a packet of chocolate biscuits (756 kcal) and a pot noodle (384 kcal).  You all order a Dominos in the interest of flat bonding but you’re not quite good enough friends yet to suggest sharing so you have an entire medium Pepperoni Passion to yourself (879 kcal).  Because this is uni and you don’t want anyone to think you’re a loser, the pizza is accompanied by an entire bottle of wine (636 kcal).

Total calories: 20,689

So what does that all mean?  Well, it is suggested that men consume 2,500 kcal a day and women 2000 kcal a day.  So you would exceed that by approximately 10,000 in Freshers’ Week.

To burn off those 10000 calories you would need to do 10 hours of yoga, four hours of running, 3.43 hours of cycling, 6.36 hours of dancing and 3.43 hours of cardio.   That’s a lot of exercise.