What not to do in a punt

I would rarely advise against punting. It’s an excellent waste of a couple of hours, generally doesn’t cause injury and they’re basically impossible to capsize, so where’s the harm?

Well…

Looks blissful (apart from the oar)

Things not to do in a punt:

1: Expect privacy.

If you are punting in Oxford you must realise that to camera-wielding tourists you are equivalent to a gondolier in Venice, and so, inevitably, an excellent photo opportunity. Don’t harbour romantic intentions unless you want your PDA to live on as part of someone’s holiday scrapbook. But who knows, perhaps having spectators is what floats your boat…

2:Expect to remain dry.

Punting is the Oxford student’s rite of passage, along with wearing an academic gown, nurturing an unfounded hatred for Cambridge and, in many cases, being a bit of a twat. However, like most things at this university, it’s not that easy to do. That, and let’s face it, you’re probably not well-coordinated or athletic, are you. Most novice punters find themselves taking a tumble sooner or later. Count yourself lucky if you don’t contract Weil’s disease.

Punting doesn’t always go to plan

3:Sing.

This one isn’t for your own convenience. It’s for the sake of everyone who has anything more productive to do with their time than punting. If you generally count yourself as a member of this category then I imagine you can understand how irritating it is to find yourself accosted by a floating bunch of tipsy revellers, even more so if they’re giving you a just about recognisable rendition of the Pocahontas soundtrack. I guess what I really mean is that you should NOT expect the rest of the world to share in your whimsical escapism.

4: Punt with a rower.

Your average rower spends an inordinate amount of time on the water, and so may insist that they’re well equipped to do the punting. Don’t be deceived. They have a wonderful aptitude for propelling a vessel backwards with brute strength. In terms of propelling it forward with any kind of steering/precision, somewhat lacking. That, and the chance of boatie chat increases exponentially around large bodies of water.

5: Wear red trousers.

Red trousers and punting are as much of an Oxbridge overdose as you can get without somehow combining the two with croquet and an essay crisis. By all means get the full Oxford experience, but there’s no need to be a dick about it.

Happy punting!