Second years tell us the worst things they’ve done to their housemates

Fair game

You signed a contract selling your soul to the cult you met in first Year. You all love ocean and drank squadka before it was a thing. Now it’s all agg. The Quorn mince is missing and Trevor’s taken the masterclass in being a prat.

We had a chat with the students wallowing in self-pity over poor decisions. Sorry mate.


I just think they could keep the place clean once in a while. They took advantage of me being drunk and it was only then I realised that I was the mess. See below picture for context:

pillowy softness you can see and feel


We never see my housemate. He stays at his girlfriend’s place for weeks on end and never turns up for pres. We thought we’d lure him back with some shiny objects.


My housemate always used my pans and never washed them up. Tenth time? Not okay. So when the boy whipped up some pasta, something had to be done. He nipped out for a moment and I went over there – smug as a pug – and farted on it. Karma ain’t it.


Him and his girlfriend were like rampant rabbits, always at it! We nicked all their condoms and made a treasure hunt out of it, just to steal some quiet time.


Housemate got me kicked out of a club. I snuck in to his room for some pricey shirts. Was doing the fella a favour by putting them in for a quick rinse. Threw in some Kingsmill for the colour run.


This picture of a clogged toilet popped up in our WhatsApp group one day and my housemates just freaked. They all knew it was me because I was the only girl in the house who used them. But I was adamant it wasn’t and lied for days. Eventually I cleared it up out of guilt.


He wasn’t my mate but we shared a corridor. I went out for a ciggy early morning and he was just there – naked – passed out in the hallway. I thought to myself “that’s real Snapchat material, that is”. Poor bloke had no idea.


I had a one night stand, as you do. The guy must’ve dropped something. I guess the others found it a bit unsightly.

keep it safe kids


I thought it would be funny to freeze my housemate’s keys in a block of ice. He’s always losing them. He then proceeded to steal my bathroom door. Yes, the door.


My very conservative housemate stays clear of the student drinking scene. After taking his girlfriend out and getting her drunk he was NOT impressed. Ended up cutting my cigarettes in half.


Major nasty things like pissing in a bowl then leaving it in the hallway are NOT okay. I treated him to scrambled egg breakfast, all of which was made in the bowl. Unwashed that is.


There’s a weird one in the house whose name we’ve yet to confirm. I think she’s got about four different names for mail, Facebook, strangers and the like. There are padlocks and labels on most storage space and appliances. I’m freaking out so I’ve kidnapped the kettle until further notice.

Choose your housemates wisely.