What’s the worst thing about Loughborough?

There’s plenty of things to love about Loughborough, from Papa Si’s to FND and our ability to walk on water. In many ways, nothing else quite compares.

But it’s not all lovely and sweetness. We might have the highest student satisfaction ranking, but the things below seem determined to ruin our lives.

We want to get to the bottom of that burning question by finally giving you the chance to answer: what’s the worst thing about being at Lboro?

Being asked what sport you play

Oh, so you go to Loughborough? What sport do you play? Fuck off! Yes we’re renowned for our sporting prowess but that doesn’t mean we’re all the next Seb Coe. There’s far more to Loughborough than sport, isn’t there? No? Probably not. It’s shit.

The nightlife

Are you really having a good night tho?

This ones definitely more of a love hate relationship. We hate the mind-numbingly basic music scene but we love getting drunk. We hate the incredibly limited choice of nightclubs but we love getting drunk. We hate the repetitively boring Z-list celebrity-themed nights but we love getting drunk. We hate the campus-wide metamorphosis before every DBE but we love getting our skank on.

Cyclists

We don’t hate you all just the vast majority of you. Your brash and audacious riding style strikes fear into all zebra crossing users. Your lack of respect for all others who share tarmacked areas definitely require our hatred. They look as if they believe they’re competing at Rio 2016 in the Veledrome, when actually they’re Maths students who haven’t had sex since they came to uni five years ago.

The Wind

Such a hazard

Is this the windiest place on earth? I don’t know, you’d have ask a geography student i’m pretty sure they’ve got nothing else better to do. There’s not many things worse for a Luff student to hear than the wind beating against the window in the morning. When that winds blowing you know very well that it could be the day that you and the James France Walk wind turbine meet your end. I’m actually sure I even saw a bird flying backwards the other day to.

Durham

You’re number two in sport you always have been and you always will be. Academically you’re Oxbridge wannabees and sports wise you’ve even copied our colour. Why don’t you focus on something you’re good at, like being egotistical nobodies with the worst club in Britain.

People who buy non-specific Loughborough sports wear

The Kukri kit isn’t exactly pukka so why buy it when you don’t play a sport? Everyone is good at something in life just stop pretending that yours is sport. You’re lying to yourself your friends and your family so take a look in the mirror and re-evaluate. Students who wear hoodies with “Loughborough University Sport” on them are the biggest pretenders. You will never be as amazing as those who can have an actual sport on their clothing. Stop trying.

Sprint bus

It definitely doesn’t live up to it’s name. It’s meant to come every seven-ish minutes, but instead you’ll wait for 25 and then three will come all at the same time. What do the bus drivers do? Do they all wait for each other at the end of their circuit, so they can have two’s on Roy’s roll-up Camel cig? We know driving a bus full of sweaty, pompous students isn’t the most exhilarating thing, but the least you could do is ditch your monotonous tone and smile at us as when we get on.

Echos toilets

Need I say more? Deep down yesterday we were all praying that the fire at this revolting establishment burnt down their eroding toilets in the hope that they would have to build some new ones where the flush actually works. On a standard Echos night out, you’ll see the toilets get blocked and flood all over the floor. Drunk students will still use them no matter what, so little is ever done about them on the night. They made Reading Festival toilets look like a luxury.

Exec video

L L L LSU, Exec Exec, Exec Exec at LSU. Shut up. Their annoyingly happy and Tweenies-esque voices are enough to make a newborn baby combust with anger. You come to one of the top uni’s in the UK and you’re greeted by this annoying song which will embarrass you for the rest of your university career. Do they think they’re funny? Do they think they’re likeable? The Exec video is hands down one of the worst things about Lufbra.