The final, considered ranking of all the Celebrity Big Brother 2024 housemates

It’s been a weird old inaugural season of Celebrity Big Brother on its new home of ITV. At two and a bit weeks, it’s the shortest series of the show in history – and it’s managed to feel simultaneously bizarre that it’s ending so soon and correct and overdue. I think it’s fair to say we’re all somewhat checked out, and it’s been a series that’s been equal parts funny and just a bit of a slog. With all the dust more or less settled, I took a look back across the whole series and ranked all the housemates of Celebrity Big Brother 2024 from worst to best.

13. Gary

Who’s arsed? Who is arsed? Not me, not the house, not the public. I’m more of a celebrity. Factor in the Trump loving, Boris Johnson forgiving ways and general clout chasing and you’ve got the recipe for first out. Flop.

12. Colson

Was Colson on Corrie you guys? Not sure if he mentioned it! Ekin-Su got all the slack for bringing up Love Island but all this man has brought to the house is weeping in the toilet and banging on about the pigging Coronation Street tour. I despair that he is in the final.

11. Marisha

Seems like a lovely girl but arguably one of the most boring housemates of this series. Unsure what at all she brought to the table. In her eviction interview she said she brought the fits, the vibes – did she? Played the game incredibly earnestly, in my opinion. I will not forget how she nominated Lauren for breaking the rules and then subsequently also broke the rules.

10. Levi

Another one of the housemates from this year who sort of did absolutely nish beyond cry. Why was Levi always crying? The floodgates were well and truly open. Beyond that and cooking, he brought very little to the house – but he does get bonus points for calling Colson boring.

9. Fern

Never quite the icon we wanted her to be. Some funny moments, however. I like how similar to Louis Walsh, Fern is just always on the job. She’s always on a This Morning couch in some way, shape or form. Seemingly has random passive aggressive beef with the whole house that no one can make head nor tails of. And got infected by Levi’s tear-itis and cries during every aired conversation. Pack it in.

8. Bradley

Bless Bradley. Just a lovely guy all round – and I can confirm that because I had a beef dinner with him at an awards night two weeks before he headed in the house. Such a good soul and he deserved the be in the final over some of them that remain (cough, Corrie). His eviction was unjust too – so savage!

7. Nikita

Didn’t think I’d be arsed about Nikita in the Celebrity Big Brother house because of all the ones ranked here, I actually find him a bit annoying on Strictly. But I was wrong. He isn’t annoying at all, he’s an extremely sweet fella who is fun, warm and considerate. He will probably win tonight and it won’t be an outrage.

6. Zeze

I knew nothing about Zeze before this series started, and by the time she left I thought she was a bit of an icon and I wish she made it to the final. A good communicator, stands up for what she thinks is right and someone not as widely known to the broader audience of the show but someone who made her mark. I think that’s what Big Brother is all about really.

5. Ekin-Su

A tough one this. As a die-hard Ekin-Su fan since she won Love Island, I was so excited for her to be on this show and for everyone to fall in love with the reality TV icon I cherished. Obviously, it didn’t work out like that – and it’s a shame. I don’t endorse her behaviour in the house but I endorse even less the backlash to her slightly diva-ish “villain” behaviour as some huge crime. I hope she’s okay and taking the time she needs, it must be a lot. She deserved to be ranked in the top five housemates on Celebrity Big Brother this year, because love her or hate her it just wouldn’t have been the same without her.

4. Sharon

A week of Sharon Osbourne was clearly better than no Sharon Osbourne at all. Not just a gossiping icon, but her tenure in the house softened a woman who has not been in public favour for many years and I think softened her chilly little heart. Don’t think she planned to find the residents as endearing as she clearly did. Great telly.

3. Lauren

Women like Lauren Simon are why I get out of the bed in the morning. So perfectly, Mrs Hinch-core basic that they go full circle and become high camp. Just an absolute icon, and I hate that the BORING British public got rid of her. Literally gave us the best moments of the series – whether it’s the “totally banter” apology letter penned in about one second by her and Louis, whether it’s her taking her task roles as police officer or judge more serious than I took my GCSEs or if it was her using nominations to plug her diffusers… She was perfect. God Simon.

2. David

I just absolutely relish seeing a big, flamboyant, loud gay man storm into the house without any pants on and with the public and housemates primed to hate him, primed to laugh at him and primed to find him annoying absolutely thrive. Someone hilarious, unapologetically themselves and fundamentally a good person. The pride of the North. He is the next Rylan.

1. Louis

Taking the ranked top spot of Celebrity Big Brother 2024 can be no other than Louis Walsh. Loucifer Walsh is pure evil, but one of the most fascinating people I think I’ve ever seen on TV. His X Factor judge persona is just him, either that or he did it for so long it became him and he it. Everything is like he’s about to put whoever he’s talking to through to bootcamp. He is honest to a fault, with no regard of offending. But if you shout at him or dislike him, he laughs it off. An impenetrable lazy icon who is just utterly captivating in his bizarreness. Louis Walsh WAS this year’s season and deserves to be ranked at the top of all housemates in Celebrity Big Brother.

For more on Celebrity Big Brother 2024 and for all the best memes and quizzes, like Pop Culture Shrine on Facebook.  

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• Ranking the Celebrity Big Brother cast from least to most Instagram followers

• A first impressions ranking of all the housemates in Celebrity Big Brother

• Inside the long and messy feud between Fern Britton and Phillip Schofield