Reasons why your evil situationship is nothing like One Day or Normal People

Not sure if you’ve noticed, but we’re in the midst of an epidemic. Specifically, we’re being targeted by a slew of slow-burn romance series – One Day, Normal People, Alice & Jack –  which have us all losing our heads thinking the person who won’t reply to us in daylight hours and has led us on for years is actually our soul mate. Snap out of it.

Situationships are famously the worst form of romantic entanglement. And, although Emma and Dexter and Connell and Marianne have them looking poetically all-encompassing, it’s time to realise not all will-they-won’t-they scenarios are created equal.

So, in case you’re wondering whether the person in your life who makes finding the answer to “what are we?” more unsolvable than a quantum mechanics equation, here are the five fundamental signs your evil situationship is absolutely nothing like One Day:

5.Your mum doesn’t like them

Dexter’s mum Alison and Connell’s mum Lorraine not only loved Emma and Marianne but lambasted their sons on their behalf. Because, obviously they could see how careless their child was being with each girl’s feelings despite their connection— long before they could.

If your mum and dad, contrastingly, are groaning in exasperation every time you reveal your situationship has messaged you/called you/is coming over tonight, you might want to take the hint that the people who love you most in the world don’t want them anywhere near you.

4.You actually have nothing in common and struggle to chat when you meet up

Despite their stunted communication abilities, even Connell and Marianne had plenty to chat about. “I’m not a religious person but sometimes I think God made you for me,” he tells her of their compatibility. Similarly, Emma and Dexter rarely stop talking.

If you’re rolling up to your situationship’s house, sticking on Netflix and twiddling your thumbs until eventually the muster the courage to stick their tongue in your mouth, they might not be the one. Ditto if you’re drinking so much you can’t remember what they said.

3.They don’t call you in a crisis, they call you at 2AM

Both One Day and Normal People include a series of heartbreaking phone calls: Dexter to Emma when he sees how sick his mum is with cancer and Connell to Marianna when he’s struggling to sleep due to a period of depression after his friend Rob dies by suicide.

If your situationship only calls you in the early hours of the morning, rather than when they’re looking for emotional support or a proper chat, they probably don’t see you as their soul mate – or even their friend. Sorry to be savage.

2.Your friends dread you hearing from them

Let’s get real, Tilly was a Dexter stan long before Emma even befriended him. She’s buzzing when he stays over at the student house, invites him to her wedding and is pushing Emma to be with him years before it eventually, finally, happens.

If your friends are screaming in horror when they discover you’ve unblocked your situationship for the 36th time, there’s a reason they’re trying to keep you apart. Because, plot twist, they want someone who treats you with a crumb of respect.

1.They don’t care if you live or die

It goes without saying that Dexter’s life is virtually destroyed when Emma is (*spoiler*) hit off her bike by a lorry and killed. On the lesser (but still serious) end of the spectrum, Connell rescues Marianne and tells her brother Alan he’ll “kill him” if he “ever” touches her again after he breaks her nose by slamming a door into her face.

Essentially, both Dexter and Connell give a supremely large fuck about Emma and Marianne’s wellbeing. They want to protect and look after them. If your situationship won’t even ask you how your days going, it’s time to sack the whole thing clean off. Goodbye! And good riddance.

One Day is available to watch on Netflix now. For more like this One Day symbolism and all the latest Netflix drops and memes like The Holy Church of Netflix on Facebook.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• This is exactly why your three-month situationship break up really hurts your heart

• Everything we know about Maddy, Dex’s new girlfriend who is mysteriously cut from the show

•  There’s a hidden meaning in these bed shots of Emma and Dex, and it’s adorable

Featured image credit via BBC/Netflix