If you have a single one of these things in your Spotify Wrapped you’re a glaring red flag
Get therapy x
Spotify Wrapped is back for 2023, so it’s time to hyper-fixate on what our music tastes and listening habits truly say about us as people all over again. You might have learned your playlists are eclectic, you’re in Taylor Swift’s top 0.5 per cent of listeners— or that what goes on in your headphones is a big old cry for help.
This goes for people you’re dating, too. Maybe you peaked over at their Spotify and saw their top artist for the year was still Kanye. Or perhaps their Me in 23 persona was The Alchemist, meaning they could well have made a personalised playlists for every girl on Hinge from Liverpool to London.
So, in case you’re concerned that your – or the guy you’re dating’s – Spotify Wrapped is a big waving musical red flag, here’s a list of every single thing that fundamentally indicates chaos amongst the stats and analytics:
Your number of listening minutes for the year is wildly over 50,000
Look, we all like to escape reality for a bit. Chances are, you’re emotionally attached to your AirPods. Everyone needs music to mentally place ourselves elsewhere to get through the morning commute.
But the thing is, the average person listens to songs on Spotify for about 148 minutes every day. Or, roughly 48,100 minutes per year. So if your figure is wildly over 50k, you’re plugged in the majority of the time. You probably haven’t heard a bird sing since the Walkman was invented. Doctors are worried about your ear drums.
‘I’m Just Ken’ being your top song of the entire year
Need we say more.
Your Me in 23 personality coming out as The Shapeshifter
We’re so sorry sweetie but it seems like you have commitment issues: “One moment you’re head over heels for an artist. The next you’ve moved on. Some say it’s erratic. We call it eclectic.” It’s giving hyper fixation.
There’s a few questionable podcasts in your top five list
Too many men have been given microphones in 2023, sorry.
Your yearly genre break down looks a little something like this:
It’s hell out there. It’s horror.
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Featured image credit via Spotify