Sorry, you’re a Geriatric Gen-Z’er if you can relate to these 30 things
AKA how to have an existential crisis in 30 steps
At the risk of sounding like a “whippersnappers!” crinkly old man in a rocking chair, it’s tough being lumped in with every other Gen-Z kid when you were born between 1996 – 1998. You become so busy paying off your student loan, or doing your weekly shop, or overthinking about that lump in your armpit you should really get checked out, to keep up with the latest trends and TikTok dances.
Don’t get me wrong, you don’t feel quite as old as a millennial. You’re not at the dalgona-coffee-and-doggo stage of life yet (which is how we’ll know we’re truly screwed, trust me). But you still remember watching The Aristocats on VHS and eating blue Monster Munch washed down with a bottle of Sunny D. So, where are you meant to fit in?
Well, you could be a Geriatric Gen-Z’er. Basically just a regular person born between 1996 – 2012, but with a little extra *unexplained back ache*.
Here’s how to tell whether you’re a Geriatric Gen-Z’er:
1. You were born in the nineties (soz)
2. You pay bills
3. You were still hung up on Vine until you realised TikTok is actually… quite good
4. Your first phone was a Nokia, Motorola or Blackberry
5. All your childhood films and TV shows were on VHS
6. You used to play Sims on CD-Rom
7. You started school before 2005
8. Someone younger has called you ‘cringe’
9. You still remember Howard from the Halifax adverts
10. Teachers were still mildly brutal when you were at school
11. You remember these absolute veterans:
12. Your earliest meme memory (memeory?) was being Rickrolled
13. You remember ‘starring’ tweets instead of ‘hearting’ them
14. You shopped at Forever 21, Hollister, Jack Wills or Jane Norman
15. Your PE kit was carried in one of these:
16. The Twilight saga was basically your bible
17. You’re starting to notice aches and pains you don’t remember having five years ago
18. Instead of being at school, college or uni – you’ve got a Real Job (ew)
19. You no longer find coming-of-age comedies that funny – even for ‘nostalgic value’
20. Oh, btw, Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging came out FOURTEEN YEARS AGO
21. Realising Sundown was actually teenage hell – why did we all think it was basically Coachella?
22. You can like, go on dates?? And tell your parents?? And not lie to them about riding in someone’s cig-clouded car??
23. Honestly? Getting drunk in a classy bar sounds so much more appealing than getting drunk in a club and walking in the wake of sweaty people’s farts
24. If you remember Jamie Oliver getting turkey twizzlers banned first-hand, claim your OAP badge right now
25. You’d give anything to be guzzling a blue drink at a summer fete right now
26. You don’t have to hide the fact that you watch Hollyoaks from your parents anymore – you can openly be depraved
27. When you think of Cole Sprouse, you still think of Cody Martin – not “iM a wEiRdO” from Riverdale
28. You miss Miley’s rap era a little bit
29. You secretly buy all your pants from M&S and you love it and you don’t care what social norms say
30. Procrastinating your other responsibilities by reading this list is peak Geriatric Gen-Z behaviour
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Featured image via Summit Entertainment before edits.