This is exactly what your August Bank Holiday festival of choice says about your vibe

I think you know what we’re going to say about grown adults who go to Reading

This year’s August Bank Holiday weekend has been the biggest festival weekend since Miss Rona came on the scene, with every single person you know taking the opportunity to drink tepid cans in a field.

To tap through today’s Instagram stories is to see people telling you exactly who they are. Yes, at first, everyone’s shaky videos of festival crowds may seem identical. But the choice of bank holiday festival lets you know exactly what kind of person they’re trying to be.

This is exactly what your August Bank Holiday festival choice says about you.

All Points East

You’re happy to pay through the nose for a festival that reserves half of the front of the crowd for a VIP section. And yes, you will go to more than one day because you miss Glastonbury and all your mates who go to Glastonbury are also loaded enough to do this twice in a row.

Your day started with a brunch and ended with an argument over a Hackney corner shop’s minimum card limit. And because you get to go home before midnight, you don’t have to worry about who’s watering your house plants.

Field Day

You can actually name the different tracks by Bicep and whenever someone incorrectly describes a DJ duo as “he” instead of “they” you scoff and stare at them. You have the same half-dozen dance moves you’ve been busting out since second year of uni, all of which are a variation of moving your forearms into two different positions.


You’ve got maybe 15 August Bank Holidays left before you’re too old to have proper fun, and you spent one of them at a festival on Clapham Common. What could I possibly say that would wound you?
Well, you definitely say the word “pingers” like “pinguhhz”, and don’t actually like drum n bass. At least you made your Insta stories into lots of little dots, although nobody watched more than three of your Chase and Status videos.

Lost Village

Bust out the small sunglasses, say goodbye to your serotonin, and hello to the edgiest people from third-tier Russell Group unis.

Bournemouth Sevens

You went to Oxford Brookes or Bournemouth, think chinning pints is the pinnacle of human achievement, and describe nights at Pryzm as “raves”.


Either you’re celebrating GCSE results, are a pyromaniac, or both. If you go to Reading at any point after your 19th birthday, you need looking at. You genuinely think KSI is sick and probably tried to form a mosh pit.


People at other festivals might wear bucket hats just for the weekend. Yours is a way of life.


This description could be as brutal as I like, because anybody who went to Creamfields still won’t be in a fit state to read it. But, anyway, they’ll be eating soft foods until October and wouldn’t disown a friend who started shuffling.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

A girl lost her fingertip in a mosh pit at Reading this weekend

Thousands of tents abandoned at festivals around the UK after bank holiday weekend

These Reading Festival stories prove it’s Britain’s grimmest festival and always will be