An ode to Toby: The chaotic villain of Love Island 2021 we all needed

There wasn’t a jaw in Britain last night that wasn’t on the floor when Love Island aired that little preview clip for tonight’s episode, and for that we must thank Toby Aromolaran. It’s probably the first time anyone’s thanked Toby after his reign of chaos and nonsense over the last month in that Love Island villa. When he uttered those immortal words that his head’s still saying Chloe after ALL the tears and pandemonium he’s been responsible for, social media erupted. But as a nation, none of us felt anger. None of us felt disbelief. What we actually felt was a rush of euphoria.

Because the truth of the matter is, Toby has made this season what it’s now become. The anger and the disbelief has subsided, and has given way to a true, deep love for this manchild and the mayhem he leaves in his wake. Because the fact of the matter is, every iconic moment of this season has stemmed from the complex inner workings of Toby Aromolaran’s mind. And for that, we owe him everything!

We should have known from when we learned about Hashtag United

For some reason, we didn’t really get on to how manic Toby was going to be this series despite the fact one of the first things we learned about him is that he plays for a football team called HASHTAG UNITED. We all learned this and collectively decided that this was an acceptable thing. Why? Why did we let our Kaz indulge his ways when we knew this haunting fact from before day one?

It’s hard to believe that when Love Island 2021 kicked off I actually thought Toby was boring and now I can say with a clear conscience that he’s the most fascinating specimen of the human race the world has discovered in decades.

I’ve started to convince myself he’s a producer plant sent in to wreak havoc

It is the only logistical explanation. I refuse to believe that someone would actually believe the stuff this man spouts. There’s a new clip circulating that is unseen footage not shown on the main programme, and in it Toby declares with his full chest that he thinks a person’s shoe size is manifested by themselves as a child.

Yep, you read that correctly. He thinks that you can actively decide your own shoe size just by thinking it. And he announced this on the country’s most watched reality TV show. With no hesitation. No glimmer of knowing how mad that statement is. He told everyone that he believes he shrank his own feet with the power of his own mind. I just have to applaud that.

Still not over him telling Hugo that he’s a ‘girl follower’

Sorry Toby, excuse my ignorance, but what is… a girl follower? What does that mean? Isn’t every lad in the villa following the girls by the nature of the show? What’s happening?

WHO CARES! It’s a term for the ages. I will call all my enemies girl followers going forward. It’s the height of insulting language. Toby Aromolaran is a Love Island wordsmith and a pioneer. One of the greats. Also a huge fan of how he’s rebranded fancying someone else that isn’t your missus “a test”. Toby fancies cracking on with a new girl despite upsetting the girl he’s coupled up with? Noooo, it’s not bad babes, it’s just a TEST!

Can we actually just reflect on the timeline of events for a second?

This man swerved off Kaz for Chloe after she pursued him with ferocity and then after two weeks of lust pivoted his head to Abi within five minutes of her grafting. The shit hit the fan, Hugo dragged him in front of everyone, reaction pictures circulated on Twitter of his frown, him being put in Mr Hammond’s detention and him looking like a child begging for a chat with mama Kaz.

And then, after ALL OF THAT, he returned to the villa from Casa Amor with Mary in tow. He was back in the villa for 15 minutes before being sat on a sunbed with Abi saying he’s still not sure between her and Mary. We then had a quiet few days of Toby antics before that revolutionary teaser where he announced out of the blue it’s BACK TO CHLOE????

I swear to god, if Chloe does anything but laugh in his face that man has a mystical force to get girls to be into him because that is the only explanation for what is happening here.

He is the Lord and Saviour of Love Island Twitter

He’s changed the meme game, look:

He deserves £50k and a Bafta for services to television

At this point, Toby could couple up with his water bottle and I’d vote for him to win. Because I love mess. I love chaos. I love destruction. And after a year of no Love Island and pandemic hell, this is the kind of character I need on my screen. I’m aghast at every word that comes out of his naive gob. I’m infatuated with watching the cogs in his mind turn as he tries to think of the next thing to say in an argument.

I can’t think of a more worthy cause to invest 50,000 English pounds into. Toby is exactly the kind of specimen scientists should be researching and putting money into. I love you, Toby Aromolaran – the only man in Love Island 2021 who I will remember for the rest of my worthless life.

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• An ode to Faye Winter: The Love Island villa’s resident gay icon and hun in the making

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