For some reason, Morrisons is selling ‘sacks of wet eggs’ and I found out why
I want to be sick on the floor
Last night I was scrolling through Twitter when my life changed forever when I read the words: “My local Morrisons is selling actual sacks of wet eggs”. I clicked on the photo, blissfully unaware of the horror I was about to be greeted with. My eyes burned, I gagged and felt my soul leave my body.
Twitter user Sexy Trumpet first discovered the shit-show and decided to share it with the world, like an archeologist unearthing some kind of horrible ancient monster. They called it “the most wretched and cursed item I have ever witnessed”, and I have to say I agree wholeheartedly.
My local Morrison’s is selling actual sacks of wet eggs. This is the most wretched and cursed item I have ever witnessed pic.twitter.com/bghKxOUxXu
— Strumpet (Sexy Trumpet) (@TrumpetSexy) September 16, 2020
Before we dive deeper, let’s take a closer look at the sack of wet eggs, because boy oh BOY is there a lot to unpack here. Against all your better judgement and subconscious urge to run far, far away, click on the image. The first thing you will notice is that the sacks have been placed in the meal deal fridge, in the “main” section, possibly implying Morrisons deems the wet eggs to be on-par with a BLT, or a hummus and falafel wrap. I would have said an egg is probably more of a snack in the composition of meal deals, but I’m just glad the sack of wet eggs doesn’t count as a drink.
The next thing you see is that each sack has been labelled not once but twice as “five boiled eggs”. Anyone with eyeballs, however, will realise the sacks contain far, far more than five eggs. I would try and count how many are in there, but honestly I might be sick if I have to look at them for too long.
The final thing of note is that each sack of eggs costs the princely sum of £1. A quid. That’s right: For the same price of a vodka shot from the SU bar, or a bag of crisps, you too can be the proud owner of a sack containing approximately seven million wet eggs.
What is a wet egg?
I cannot believe these are words I am writing, but what even is a wet egg? Do they have their shells still on? And what liquid are the eggs in? Whatever it is, it looks vile.
From the pic on Twitter, we know the eggs are boiled, because they’re labelled as such. They also look white in the bag, so we can assume they’ve been shelled. I don’t know what the “wet” component of the wet eggs is, and honestly I’m very happy never, ever finding that out.
Why is Morrisons selling wet eggs?
Apparently, the Morrisons in question is in Bradford – and we can blame coronavirus for the sack of wet eggs, just like pretty much everything else that’s gone wrong in our lives. Morrisons used to have a salad bar – you know, where you can get salads, couscous, and, apparently, wet eggs – but can’t have this any more, due to corona measures.
A Morrisons spokesperson said: “These boiled eggs are prepared for our salad bar. Sometimes, rather than wasting them, we offer them to customers directly.”
On a moral level, I support not wasting food, but equally I don’t know if I can truly support the sack of wet eggs.
What have Morrisons said about the wet eggs?
Someone on the Morrisons Twitter, who quite frankly deserves to be put in prison for the rest of eternity, replied to the original sack of wet egg tweet. They said: “You see a cursed item but all I see is a bargain #weteggwin”. Wet egg win.
They also said there are “more [wet egg lovers] than you would think”. If anyone needs me, I’ll be living in a cave so as to avoid ever unknowingly coming into contact with a “wet egg lover”.
What is everyone else saying about the wet eggs?
Obviously, the rest of the world is having far more normal reactions to the sack of wet eggs than “wet egg win”. Here are some of the best sack of wet egg tweets:
When you've eaten a full sack of wet eggs. pic.twitter.com/kO0UfxDPFo
— Llew (@llewcid) September 17, 2020
A close second is ‘wet egg win’, though
Sack of wet eggs is the worst line I have ever read
— Anthony (@xkitters) September 17, 2020
I’m going to do this to my enemies
Imagine letting a sack of wet eggs go off. Leave it for like a month then slap it over someone’s head, so it burst https://t.co/A07d7DtEaF
— His Eminence Cardinal Sin (@H_Em_Sin) September 17, 2020
I am never going to emotionally recover from this
Hard to mentally prepare yourself for the phrase “sack of wet eggs” isn’t it https://t.co/aG2yERoSta
— Tom Usher (@tom_usher_) September 17, 2020
Oh god no, not another one
My face every time I see a sack of wet eggs on this hellsite pic.twitter.com/ENBcPwfmYP
— dan (@BlackFinch) September 18, 2020
Bushtucker trial, but make it British
one of the new trials on im a celeb will be eating a full sack of morrisons wet eggs
— george (@gmbarnard22) September 17, 2020
i would give anything to unsee the sacks of wet eggs
— Megan Farokhmanesh (@Megan_Nicolett) September 17, 2020
Still better than tequila, imo
this item is widely misunderstood. you're meant to drink the egg water, the eggs are just there for flavor https://t.co/bcrbKyNfU7
— nic carter (@nic__carter) September 16, 2020
The newest Don’t Tell The Bride theme x
Your boyfriend takes you out for a picnic. You spend the night watching the stars and its perfect. He opens a bag and says 'Wet egg?' and you reach in. You rummage around and you find a ring. You pull your hand out.
'A million times yes!' you say.
The wedding is egg themed. https://t.co/L1g7GNhwL8
— Tommy Rotten (@Beardyknave) September 17, 2020
Featured image via Twitter