There’s a special place reserved in hell for this Biffy Clyro cover of WAP

My ears are BLEEDING

Yesterday, Biffy Clyro went into the BBC Radio One Live Lounge and, for some absolutely unfathomable reason, chose to do a cover of WAP. It is categorically the worst thing that has ever been posted on the Internet and, to be perfectly frank, everyone involved in its production should be locked up.

Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s WAP is the new anthem the entire world, but especially TikTok, is obsessed with. It stands for Wet Ass Pussy, but for reasons only known to Biffy Clyro themselves, for the cover they chose to change it to Wet As Biffy. Why, God, WHY? What did we do to deserve this?

So here it is: Wet As Biffy, in all its glory. It’s not on YouTube yet, but Radio One tweeted it out. They inexplicably tagged Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion too, as if they’d reply the absolute shit-show like: “OMG babes thank u sooo much I love this!! We should collab some time x”. It’s so cringe that you really don’t want to watch it, but you have to, like when something’s gone really mouldy in the fridge and it’s so gross you can’t look away and instead just stare at it in horror-stuck awe:

It is absolutely vile, and they should be arrested. Not a single second of the entire video is morally or legally acceptable, and I would like someone to please invent a machine that will wipe it from the memory of all human history, forever.

You know in the Netflix show The Good Place, where a specific version of hell is created for each person? I used to think mine would be standing in Leicester Square at rush hour, surrounded by tourists and pigeons for all eternity, but now I know my own personal hell will involve being locked in a padded cell, with Biffy Clyro’s WAB Live Lounge cover blaring at me from all angles, for the rest of time.

Look, Radio One Live Lounge covers can actually be great. When I was younger even I had a whole CD of them. Hozier covering Ariana Grande’s Problem? Sublime. Harry Styles covering Lizzo’s Juice? Nothing short of sheer perfection. But it is simply an objective fact that Biffy Clyro covering WAP is an absolute crime against the ears of every single living being on this Earth.

Here’s what everyone had to say about Biffy Clyro’s Live Lounge cover of WAP:

1. A disease

2. 2020 is really testing me

via Twitter

3. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this

4. Thanks, Hot Takes Mumma

5. This year’s gone from bad to worse

6. ‘Probably’

7. I agree wholeheartedly

8. Love my new sleep paralysis demon x

9. Please no

10. I have BROKEN

11. I cannot emphasise this enough

via Twitter

12. I don’t know, but they need to be

13. Who even knows any more

14. Vomit, everywhere

15. The GC does not approve

16. Personally, same

Related stories recommended by this writer:

Everyone’s rinsing this awful advert about going back to work in the office

• I don’t know about you, but mentally I am here with these 33 hilarious memes

• The sexual tension between you and these 25 sexual tension memes is unmatched