We asked bouncers about the most annoying things students do in clubs

Stop CLIMBING THINGS for goodness sake

Bouncers have a bad rep. I mean, that’s indisputable. And if you think it doesn’t bother them, you’d be wrong. Some bouncers don’t even like the term, and prefer to be called door men or door supervisors. They have to deal with a lot of shit while we’re drunk out of our minds and waltzing about a club with no abandon, like laws don’t exist and bouncers are blind. You might not realise it, but bouncers see everything you do in the club, they’re even more aware of your foolish habits than you are.

We’ve spoken to bar staff about the most annoying things you can do while ordering at the bar, and what your drink of choice says about you, but the real judgement comes after those drinks. When you’re too drunk to stand, vomiting in the queue or “forget” your student ID again. Or when you’re sniffing subtly in the toilet cubicle and begging for a cig in the smoking area. They see it all, and they want you to know that you’re a total mess.

If you’re guilty of any of these things, you will have most likely pissed off a club bouncer. Some of these bad habits are genuinely rude, some of them are just embarrassing. Check yourself because you wreck yourself. Here are all the worst habits that bouncers hate:

Trying to sneak alcohol in (and not even doing it well)

“Students are much worse for trying to sneak alcohol in, usually it’s very easy to notice but there’s always someone who tries to sneak in a full bottle of vodka in a heavy glass bottle. Foolish.” – Tom

Climbing shit

“Students will climb anyone or anything whilst pissed, like there’s so much first aid done for people who’ve jumped on others or people who’ve tried to vault some railings and failed. There was a lad a while ago who we kicked out for being too drunk and creepy, he then immediately tried to vault the barriers, fell face first broke his nose and had to be taken back in for first aid. Stop doing that.” – Tom

Kicking up a fuss if you get kicked out

“If you do happen to get kicked out don’t stand there outside trying to argue with the bouncers for about two hours, no one will ever change their mind about letting you back in, even if you cry.” – Tom

“Go home, if you’ve ever had the unfortunate experience of being refused or ejected, don’t hang around – you’ll make it worse. Go to Maccies, get some food and head home. Don’t waste hours trying to argue with us. All it’s going to do is make us remember how you acted in future.” – Jamie

Being part of a rowdy society

“A big difference between students and non students is the societies, they’re fun I bet but they cause half the fucking problems. People in societies are always the ones who go that little bit too far, they’re annoying in the queue and then just mental inside. On that note if someone is on a toga or underwear social then extra clothing will not be provided at the club so don’t ask for any.” – Tom

Trying to fit more than one person in a toilet cubicle

“It’s literally written on every damn cubicle and I cannot count the number of times I’ve had to throw people out for it. Just cause you didn’t read the sign or you don’t think the rules apply to you. It was a rule put in place to help protect the students. Trust us when we say it can be as aggravating for you as it is for us.” – Jamie

Trying to get cigs in the smoking area

“Students in the smoking area are fucking awful for trying to bum cigs, it’s just normal at a student club for there to always be at least one making the rounds of the smoking area begging for a free cig.” – Tom

Acting creepy in general

“Don’t be a creep, there’s so many people that get kicked out for thinking’s it’s okay to slap some stranger’s arse, and if you do get too drunk don’t just stand there in a haze staring at the person you want to shag until they move away.” – Tom

Thinking it’s cool to vape or Juul on the dancefloor

“No you cannot vape inside, no I don’t care that it’s cold outside, don’t vape in the middle of a crowded dance floor as you’re not special.” – Tom

Taking ages to find your ID or student card

“All the students know they need ID and their student card when they get to the door, so why do we have to tell you over and over to get it out and you still spend five minutes fumbling through your pockets or purse to find it just as you get to us.” – Jamie

Complaining about needing to piss in the queue

“If you’re waiting to get in don’t beg to skip the cue every two seconds because you need a piss, no one cares, you should have gone before you went out and I can’t let you in before everyone else just because you need a wee, and this is the same if you complain about being cold or ‘there’s only five of us’ which doesn’t mean you can skip the queue, there’s a limit.” – Tom

Thinking last orders means ‘drink as slowly or as much as you physically can’

“If it’s the end of the night and you are asked to finish your drink don’t stare at me and try and act like a big man and finish the drink as slowly as possible whilst saying ‘I paid for this I will finish it’, staff have to go home at some point, so don’t complain if the aforesaid gets taken away. And on that note don’t buy three drinks for yourself when the lights come on at the end of the night.” – Tom

Kicking up a fuss when accused of doing drugs

“If you do any drugs in the toilets don’t argue just leave, if I can hear you sniffing and then you hide the drugs or flush them, you are still getting kicked out so don’t make a fuss.” – Tom

Thinking you can skip the queue because you’ve learned the bouncer’s name

“Just because I kinda know of you doesn’t mean every time you get pissed you can come up to me and try and get in the front of the queue, so many people just assume they can get special privilege if they have briefly met a bouncer and then don’t react well when they don’t get the special treatment they want.” – Tom

Saying ‘we aren’t drunk’ when you clearly are

“The classic, you or your friend comes to the door stumbling, slurring, being propped up by each other, or an unfortunate stranger. Don’t expect to be let inside, or give us abuse when we tell you or your friend can’t come in. If you’re too drunk, you’re too drunk.” – Jamie

Freak out if a bouncer touches you

“The late night lawyer, you know who you are. ‘You can’t touch me it’s assault!’ is a nightly occurrance. Just because you know a little about law or are studying it doesn’t me we can’t do our job. We know the rules around what we can and can’t do better than a drunk student at 2am.” – Jamie

Reacting badly when told to sober up

“Attitude is the number one reason most people end up getting ejected or even barred over small things. Your attitude towards staff makes up most of our decision making. It turns the ‘go get some air and a bottle of water’ into an express one way ticket out of the club.” – Jamie

And to conclude, with some final wise words from Jamie (who is actually three bouncers in a trench coat): “We are human too. We aren’t out to get you, we are nice people, we want you to have a fun safe night. Treat us with the same respect you want to be treated with. Most of us are or have been students too – we know what nights out are at university are like. We want you to have a fun safe night out and yeah, sometimes it sucks being a party pooper, but it’s part of the job.”

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