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The top panic Google searches from this year’s incoming freshers

There’s no chill here

5 years ago

Freshers’ Week is fast approaching, and this year’s uni newcomers are freaking out.

Online forums are overflowing with questions about accommodation, making friends and even the likelihood of casual sex at their uni. There is no chill, there are questions about literally everything.

We turned to The Student Room’s lengthy forums to find out exactly what about starting uni is winding people up the most. Here are 2019’s most hilariously tragic panicked searches. Don’t worry kids, it’ll be alright in the end:

What if I’m already over drinking?

This person is already past their cool experimental days. They probably took drinking in a field too far and now cba with clubs and drinking before they’ve even moved into halls.

What do I do about my overbearing parents?

I feel like getting a job should not be this person’s number one worry when it comes to their parents wanting to visit every week. The fact they’re more stressed about not being able to pull pints than they are about having no time to socialise speaks volumes. Each to their own…

How do I get a hoodie ASAP?

At least this means they won’t be cutting about in a school leaver hoodie. However, being desperate to purchase a uni hoodie before you’ve even done one day might be a tad premature.

How do I get into a relationship?

This one’s got their priorities straight. Not bothered about studying, accommodation, flatmates, just getting their hole. We hope Prince Charming isn’t too far away.

How do I avoid looking like a creepy postgrad?

The principal of this question is sound, attending freshers events as a postgrad student. What is not so sound however, is the phrase “preying on hot new undergrads.” Steer clear.

How early should I arrive at classes?

In a few weeks time, I guarantee this person will be in class 20 minutes late, never mind early. You can always tell which classes are fresher filled, they’ll be camped out in the corridor the night before a 9am.

How many bank accounts should I have?

I feel like there are better places you could take this question than a university advice forum. A bank is just one option. Asking new flatmates for advice on where you should keep your “large sum of savings” might not be the best way to break the ice.

Will people change?

If you don’t change in one way or another when you go to uni then you’re not doing it right. Whether you go through an experimental phase or a positive growth one, change is good and normal. It’s not a “myth.”

What bad decisions have others made?

As if asking anyone this question is going to reduce your chances of doing exactly the same. Guaranteed the answers will be less than inspirational, like “threw up in the club,” “slept with my flatmate” or “drank month-old milk.”

What bag should I take?

Honestly you could carry your stuff about in a bag for life and no one would care. As long as it fits a laptop, a water bottle and copious library snacks, you’re good.

How do I take a photo for my student ID?

The age old problem of having a shit photo on your student ID. At least it’s a good laugh, and a talking point for a lengthy club queue during Freshers’ Week.

Can I put a pole in my halls?

I’d love to see how installing a pole in your halls bedroom went down. You probably wouldn’t be getting all your deposit back, but the person moving in after you might be grateful. Depends what they’re into.

Can I do classes one after the other?

Uni days would be looooong if you had breaks between ever class. Old timers know you get all your classes in as short a time period as possible, with as few breaks as possible and cross your fingers that you have at least one day off.

What about casual sex?

A fair worry to have if you love a good, meaningless shag. Chances are, no matter where your uni is, you’ll find someone who is like minded in the bedroom department. If nothing else, it’s convenient to find a cold night partner.

Do I have to pay for not attending lectures?

Imagine the dollaz unis would get if they’d thought of doing this. Pretty much every 9am would rake in the fines, and Friday afternoons would raise enough to hand out scholarships.