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I’m sorry to tell you this but Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging is completely messed up

Why did we think this was normal

Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging is the defining childhood film of our time. Played at every sleepover from the age of 10 years old to about, well, now, it's got some absolutely iconic moments and some of the humour still holds up today. Quelle surprise, Jas!

That being said, have you ever rewatched it without looking at it through your 10-year-old nostalgic gaze? It's fucking weird, guys. The girls in this movie are boy focused, intensely slut shame-y and a lot of the time just straight up mean. I don't know what it taught us, but I hope we've unlearned it by now.

First off, Georgia is a bit of a dick

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Okay, I know we were all knobheads when we were 14 but Georgia is actually a pretty shit friend throughout this movie. She spends the whole film trying to get a boyfriend then hates on Jas for doing exactly that. She literally kicks Jas in the shin because she threatens to go to Lindsay's birthday party and not hers. This girl has issues.

In what world would two fit Year 11s date two Year 9s?

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Sorry but the only Year 11s who dated Year 9S were weird and couldn't pull girls in their own year. They weren't near-model-potential Cosmopolitan fitties like Robbie and Tom.

Also any Year 11 that is dating a Year 9 needs to check themselves. Two years apart is fine when you're in your 20s but in school it's a bit dodge.

Peter Dyer is a total creep

We all remember him from the awful kissing scene, right? But remember at the party they go to where he just fully sexually assaults Georgia and pushes her into a bush? No biggie. Turns out that kissing scene is actually one of the more consensual moments in this film.

Then she sets him up with another girl at her birthday party at the end! Georgia hun, you should be warning women to stay away from this boy at all costs, not matchmaking for him out of guilt.

Also he has a massive picture of Hugh Grant smiling down at you in his bedroom. If that's not a red flag I don't know what is.

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The snogging scale was actually bizarre

Did anyone else watch this film and then feel like you immediately needed to be doing tongues? We were small babies at this point we did not need to be encouraged to be engaging in open mouthed kissing for more than three minutes without breath, or upper body fondling (outdoors). How much alfresco upper body fondling are 14 year olds doing?!

'Boy stalking time' is ILLEGAL guys

There are not one but two incidents in this film where the girls stalk people. They legit watch Lindsay get changed through a pair of binoculars while stood outside her house.

Slaggy Lindsay is actually the victim of this movie

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First off, this name would not fly today. So what if Lindsay has big boobs and likes boys?? She's a teenage girl who is literally vilified throughout this movie for wearing a thong and chicken fillets. And then Jas starts wearing a thong and they say she's "changed". If you wear a thong in this film, it is equivalent to being an agent of Satan.

Not to mention the scene at the end where Jas throws Lindsay's chicken fillets into a crowd of people and says "Robbie prefers his girlfriends unfake." This film is a low-key sexist minefield.

The rating system is MEAN

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Seems all fun and games when it's in a movie right? But we actually used to play this "game" at sleepovers when we were 12 and people were ruthless. If you were the lowest rated girl you'll internalise that shit and remember it for life.

Georgia getting rated a four for her nose is just straight up cruel. Just lie, girls! Lie to save her feelings! This movie encouraged that kind of savage behaviour and honestly I'm mad about it.

Stop trying to make nunga nungas happen Dave, it's not going to happen

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Bazoomas, nunga nungas. Just call them boobs! Kinda bizarre that they were using such childish words to discuss body parts but were also expected to be getting up to upper body fondling on the regular. I am confusion.

Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging has not aged well. It gave us some laughs at the time and yeah it was probably fitting for our teenage perceptions of the world, but honestly it probably did more harm than good.

It would have been far more beneficial for us as young women to be taught that wearing thongs is fine, having big boobs is natural and being pushed into a bush by a persistent boy is actually sexual assault. Also kissing for three minutes without taking a breath might kill you.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• This is what the childhood stars of Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging look like now

• These are the 16 tragic things all British girls did during sleepovers in the 2000s

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