Fituation: The reason why you become fit in certain situations but not others

Have you ever felt 3/10 in one social situation and 10/10 in a different situation even though you look exactly the same? Well this is because of fituations, the idea that certain environments dictate how hot you appear.

Some of us look fit at a house nights where everyone is wearing Adidas and smoking rollies whilst others look their best wearing Gym Shark leggings, sweating over an exercise ball in an abs class.

This isn't a new thing, you have naturally been rating yourself out of 10 in given social scenarios for years. You might have groups of friends you naturally gravitate towards because you know you're the hottest in the group, or maybe you sway towards certain clubs because you always get attention there.

Your fituation might be a festival

There are two ways to assess what your fituation is. For one, the average hotness in the room dictates how you look – if you are surrounded by 9/10s then be prepared to become a 4/10. The second factor depends on how you thrive in different social scenarios. Someone with a bank of juicy anecdotes will flourish when sipping red wine at a dinner party, but they might fade to the background when everyone is jiggling their ass in the RnB room of TigerTiger.

Or a library

For instance, imagine a nerdy guy who wears wooly jumpers and slides Brexit into every conversation. The pub is a fertile ground for him, two pints down he comes in with a crowd pleaser, "we need access to the single market!!!!!!" To try and impress him you start racking your brain for details of that Guardian long read you read on nationalising trains. Heya 8/10.

Now imagine this same guy in Pryzm, holding a plastic cup of flat lager, getting pushed around by an influx of women on the way for a piss. No one can be arsed dancing with him because his only move is some pretend tennis ball serve. He has done it twice already and it's boring. Well now he is a 4/10.

To illustrate what I am talking about here is a graph to illustrate how fit I am out of ten depending on what environment I am in:

Don't believe in Fituation theory? Well watch the new season of Geordie Shore. There is a new guy called Sam Gowland, you probably recognise him because he was an unsuccessful contestant on Love Island. Dumped by Montana, Olivia, Chloe and literally everyone else. Yet when he walked onto Geordie Shore he went from a 2/10 to a 10/10 within a matter of hours. Chloe lodged her vodka soaked tongue down his throat, Abbie dared him to snog her in the hot tub and Nathan commented on how nice it was to have a good looking boy in the house. (I mean I'm confused, he looks like the ugly guy from The Wanted but whatever girls, you do you).

Love Island just wasn't the right climate for Sam. He couldn't match Muggy Mike's large hulking chest and Kem's soft unfurling curls. Not only that, he suits Geordie Shore's vibe so much more, he thrives in a house where people throw takeaway pizza at each others naked bodies and where farts are the pinnacle of humour.

Me walking into my fituation like:

So why are fituations so important? Well you can't do anything about your face but you can pick where you choose to be seen. Are you at your hottest in seminars when discussing Sartre's existentialism or at a house parties when you've got tequila dribbling down your chin? It is 2018, find out your fituation and linger there until bae arrives.