An accurate guide to spotting the private school student at your uni

They definitely had a gap yah


In your flat, there's a big chance you'll come across someone who attended private school. They'll probably be quite embarrassed about this and pretend to be working class so they don't get ripped at every pre-drinks.

Most likely, you'll only find out the truth about their past after their mate, Tristram, posts on their Facebook wall a picture of them doing their Duke of Edinburgh award.

Looking peng in this photo, bae

Looking peng in this photo, bae

Here's every single way you can spot someone who went to private school:

They say words like 'peng' and 'sick' in the cringest way

They'll call their mum 'mama' and when going home for the weekend, they'll declare they're going back to the 'ends', and not in an ironic way. The chances are that they'll probably describe things as 'peng' or as being 'sick', but in their slightly plummy accent, it will make your toes curl with embarrassment.

They look really well manicured in their profile picture wearing their Ralph Lauren polo shirt and deck shoes

But then as soon as they come to uni try to look like they've been dragged through a hedge backwards. They'll start off the year wearing Jack Wills, Lacoste and Ralph Lauren, before realising they stick out like a sore thumb. Faster than you can say 'signet ring', they'll have rushed around the vintage stores in search of some clothes to 'blend in', but will go way too far.

They'll buy some ill fitting jeans that just scrape the ankle, an old Adidas jacket that stinks to high heaven, and an old suede coat that's five sizes too big for them. They won't get their hair cut, and will stop shaving their beard for extra 'honest, I'm actually poor' kudos. The girls will also wear harem pants with an elephant print on them, which they bought in Cambodia whilst they 'did' South East Asia.

They get an Ocado delivery whilst everyone else goes to the local Morrison's

Struggling to survive by going to the local Asda like everyone else, they'll give in and get an Ocado delivery. They'll probably try and book a delivery slot late at night so people don't take the piss out of them, but you'll spot the multicoloured bags in the bin and the penny will drop.

Aforementioned delivery will include Dececco pasta, Napolina tinned tomatoes and bottles of Peroni. Whilst you sit there with your cheesey beans and trying to work out the alcohol percentage of your Lambrini, they'll be sat swigging back the Fentiman's tonic like there's no tomorrow.

They have questionable hobbies, such as hunting

Whilst Facebook stalking them in Freshers' Week, you'll come across the pictures of them dressed head to toe in tweed, gun in hand and surrounded by dead pheasants. They'll often bring a bird they shot back to uni for them to make into a casserole and will never take conversations about animal rights seriously.

You can often find a copies of 'Horse and Hound' and 'Tatler' in their bedroom.

They'll have expensive pets named after Shakespeare plays

The girls will keep talking about cinnamon, and you'll just think they bloody love Christmas spice, and then it will dawn on you in week three that she's talking about one of her horses.

They will also have a whole pack of labradors or golden retrievers, called obscure names like Hamlet or King Lear, which their parents might breed to 'make some extra pin money', and these dogs will be taken on shoots.

They regularly holiday in places you've never heard of

Their Instagram is chockablock with pictures of them in Barbados or Sri Lanka, facing out towards incredible sunsets, or swimming in a lagoon with their highlighted hair piled on top of their head.

They will moan and complain about exams falling in the same week they were planning on going skiing to Courchevel or St Anton.

They will join the lacrosse team and make other posh friends

They'll join the lacrosse or the hockey team in week one, and you may never see them again. Their posh friends whom they meet at these sports events will forever be round at your flat talking about how they're going to the races at the weekend, or how they just had so many garden parties to attend this summer.

They will go to the pub, but only the fancy gastropubs in the suburbs

With their lacrosse friends, they'll plan a pub trip, b

ut will never go to the local one in your town. Instead they'll hop in their friend's brand new convertible mini and drive out to the suburbs to go to an independent gastro pub with 'just the greatest range of real ales.'

They'll have an eccentric name like Aurelia or Xander

When they introduce themselves with "Hi! I'm Jasper Pendleton-Briggs", you'll realise you're talking to a private school kid. With a double barrelled name, whether it's their first or their last name, they definitely went to private school

Their friends from home will have equally eccentric names, such as Penelope, Tobias, Xanthe and Npeter, pronounced with a silent N.

They'll have a second, third and fourth home, either on the coast or in the English countryside

I just couldn't live without a swimming pool

I just couldn't live without a swimming pool

They will frequently go to Cornwall or Abersoch for the weekend, and you'll presume they've got a family or relative who lives there. It isn't until the summer when they invite you to come and stay that you figure out they have a second home there.

If they say they're from London, they'll neglect to mention that they're f

rom the borough of Kensington and Chelsea, and so that their parents can escape the hustle and bustle of the city at the weekend, they will also have another house in the Forest of Deane.

Their actual house will have a name, not a number, and will probably end in 'Hall', 'Court' or 'Farm'.

They have a Le Creuset dish in their posession

The main way you spot a private school kid is that they'll whack out a Le Creuset dish in the first week. At the first sign of that ridiculously heavy steel pot, you should twig their background.

They will also have no clue how to use the oven, as they've only ever used an Aga.

From watches to cars, they all have the same belongings

I just couldn't live without my Barbour jacket

I just couldn't live without my Barbour jacket

They'll turn up to their uni lecture with a brand new MacBook, and have some old Jack Wills pyjamas to sleep in. The girls will all have a Michael Kors watch and the boys will wear a Tag Heur because 'it actually keeps time really well.' The girls will have a Mulberry or Hermes bag to haul around uni.

With a Victoria's Secret gym bag, a pair of pool sliders and a black baseball cap, they will stand out in your yoga class whilst you're there with an old pyjama top on and ripped leggings.

They will also insist on using a hanky instead of a tissue and they'll iron everything, including their jeans.

The girls will either drive a Fiat 500 or a Mini with a personalised registration plate, and the boys will drive an old Land Rover or a silver Volkswagen Polo.

They will have 'volunteered' in Africa at some point

It just felt so good, giving something back to the community

It just felt so good, giving something back to the community

They will definitely have taken a gap year in which they 'found themselves', their Facebook pictures being nothing but them riding on elephants or swimming in waterfalls.

So you don't just think they went on an extended holiday, they will constantly have to drop into conversation that time they 'volunteered' in Africa as though it's one country, speaking about it as though they saved every single child who's ever been in suffering.

By the tenth time you've heard, "yahh so when I was volunteering in Namibia…", everyone will just roll their eyes and switch off.