What the Made In Chelsea cast actually do, according to their LinkedIns
Andy Jordan is an intern lol
When you have all the money in the world, you’re probably not too bothered about getting a job. Such is life for the cast of Made In Chelsea. Can you really imagine Mark-Francis donning a hairnet for a part-time stint on the Morrisons fish counter?
But they must have done something before the show came on air. We’ve all got to make a living, and super-rich reality stars are no different – even if they do it by appearing in painfully awkward YouTube broadcasts about the state of the stock market.
For when there aren’t videos, we have LinkedIn to show us just how the MIC cast members make money when they’re not sunning themselves in the South of France. Unfortunately the likes of Spencer, Mytton and JP have steered clear of the social network, but fret not: here’s the best of the rest.
One man, one dream. “Ever since I was a little boy I have dreamt of running my own candy company,” Jamie says in his bio – and all it took was “many years of research” and, you know, being heir to the multi-million pound McVities empire.
Although he now runs Candy Kittens, Jamie has retail jobs at WHSmith and Waitrose listed in his past work. He’s also been endorsed for his skills in the likes of “strategic planning,” “E-commerce,” “birds,” and “chat.”
Jamie’s other half Frankie is currently listed as an intern, having previously worked as a model at a Hollister in Reading (obviously).
She also dropped Spanish at AS Level, although still claims to have a “limited working proficiency.”
Rosie has a number of sparkling endorsements for vague skills like “fashion” and “apparel” and “trend,” but does for all intents and purposes seem to have a job.
Wait, scratch that, it’s actually just the name of her blog.
Cheska is the director of a Public Relations company, which is strange for someone whose entire public image is “your least favourite Made In Chelsea character.”
Richard runs a company which manufactures fusion reactors, a luxury security retailer and an innovative 3D printing business. He’s an accomplished venture capitalist and business strategist, and he’s well-versed in the worlds of nuclear physics and meteorology.
All of which is overshadowed by his stupid fucking hair.
Toff has a Law degree, with ringing endorsements in intellectual property, administrative law and civil litigation.
Which means you’re literally more stupid than a reality TV star called “Toff.”
Series 12 heartthrob Julius makes no secret of his musical endeavours, so it’s no surprise he’s listed as a “singer/songwriter,” with endorsements in tangible skills like piano and bass, and less tangible skills like “songs” and “rock.” His impeccably posh CV also includes jobs at Mahiki and Marylebone Cricket Club.
Julius describes his time at Tonbridge School as the years “where you grow from a boy to a man,” which is actually something JP once screamed into Ollie Locke’s face. Men, eh?
Victoria is a swimwear designer, designing swimwear which is “elegant” and “timeless” as well as “modern” and “sophisticated.” Weirdly, humility is missing from her endorsements.
She’s neglected to include a picture of herself, which we can only assume is a reaction to her absolute disgust at having to use LinkedIn in the first place.
Proudlock is an “Artist/Designer,” which is a fancy way of saying he spends his time wearing comically large fedoras and photobombing celebrities on GQ’s Instagram feed.
Try to sound more like a Bond villain.
The only notable position on Andy’s LinkedIn was that he was the manager at Tequila UK, a Leeds club night where topless people covered in whipped cream sucked shots out of each others’ belly buttons. The whole thing was eventually closed down after they encouraged punters to “violate freshers.”
Interning at BNY Mellon it was not.
Four people have endorsed Louise for Microsoft Office looooool.
Louise’s hulking boyfriend Ryan has a career exactly like you’d expect. Shirtless model at Abercrombie & Fitch? Check. Personal Trainer? Check. Even the brands he’s worked for sound like he’s made them up to look manly – LA Muscle, RoarFitness and Rugby Warfare all get a look-in.
“What ever your goal, I can help you reach it,” he says, which is a useful claim from someone who looks like he could tear your strongest enemies asunder with his bare hands.
Here’s leather mogul Alik’s LinkedIn profile photo, confirming he was and always will be the greatest character Made In Chelsea had to offer.