The ultimate guide to becoming a grime girl

House music? Majestic casual? Nah fam that’s long gone. Instead, thanks to Stormzy and Skepta among others grime is now at the forefront of British culture. Remember, grime is all about working-class struggle so if you’re not from an estate in Tottenham and have a horse in your back yard at home in Surrey, you may want to keep that on the DL. Forget everything you know about how important avoiding cultural appropriation is and follow our guide on how to look, live and breathe grime.

First things first, let’s start with hair & makeup 

You want your eyeliner to be on fleek, your nails to look like Rihanna’s and plaits in your hair. As so:

The outfit

Ok so the key thing to know is you are trying to look like a roadman. You want to be wearing as much Adidas as possible – leggings and Stan Smiths are a good start. Black jeans are occasionally acceptable, but they must be teamed with at least one item of sportswear. You must have as many trainers as possible. You will call these your crepes. And when they are brand new, they are your fresh crepes. Hats are also key. Opt for a classic polo cap.

Alternatively, channel your inner farmer and put on your bucket hat.

If you’re going out, you want to whack on the glitter. No one who has listened to grime for more than a year actually did or does this, but it’s fine because we’ve appropriated it. All good.

Ok next are jumpers and raincoats. We will be going over brands in the next section, but what you need to know is that these must always be tied and never worn. Who the fuck actually wears coats? No one. And they are certainly not ever used for warmth or protection from rain. If you want to look even more wavey, you can even tie your jumper diagonally across your chest.

You also want to have a North Face puffer jacket in your collection – but remember, you call it your “norfy” or you will be found out faster than you can say wicked skengman. This brings us onto the brands you need in your wardrobe, or you are a fraud.

The labels 

Adidas, Nike, Stussy, Ralph lauren, Champion, HUF, Palace, Fila are some that go together with grime like tea does with milk. Don’t worry, these labels which a few years ago would have connoted a certain social class are now sold by Topshop, Asos and Urban Outfitters so you won’t have a problem with sourcing them.

Also, very important lesson – Wavey Garms – this should pretty much be your wardrobe bible (there is also one just for you Ladies). BUT if anyone asks, you say you got it in a charity shop…or better yet, it was your mum’s in the 90’s. Sorted, no one will even know you used daddy’s american express.

Where you’re from and what unis you should go to 

Ok so you absolutely CANNOT let anyone find out that you’re from Surrey and that daddy pays for your rent and phone bill. You want people to believe you have been repping ends since day (definitions below) and for that you are going to want to get as far from home as possible and go to the unis where all the grime artists are likely to tour. Some good picks are: Manchester, Newcastle, Bristol and Leeds.

How to act on a night out

If you’re not a huge fan of a mosh pit, you may want to reconsider this whole plan and go back to watching Made in Chelsea with your Hatty (whether this is your chihuahua or best friend’s name we’re not sure…could be both.) If you would be prepared to learn to love it however, you have our permission to read on.

So you want to get involved in that mosh pit and have your finger gun in the air. Never do this, or anything enthusiastically. You want to look as nonchalant as you possibly can at all times, especially with your dancing…well this should be more like bopping and again, very reluctantly. Also, the migraine skank is key. If you don’t know, get to know.

Take as many photos of you with boys as possible, this will make you look sick- it is imperative you edit these on VSCO and post them on Instagram. Some hashtag suggestions: #BasementApproved #legitcheck #PFA 

The Grictionary

Wavey: Edgy, cool

b. On a wave: On a mad one

c. To be waved: To be fucked up on alcohol and/or drugs. 

Sick: Good 

Dead: Shit, not good, boring 

Endz: Where you are from 

What you sayin?: How are you? 

Trust: Believe me

Since day: For a long time

My tings: My boyfriend

Don’t EVER call your friends your friends or mates. Switch this up for “fam”, “bruv” and “cuz”. No “cuz” has nothing to do with your cousins, neither does “bruv” have anything to do with your brother. Get with it. Also stop thinking, from now you you “tink”.

Music you should listen to 

A few low key artists you should know: Stormzy, Skepta, Big Narstie. Kano, Wiley and Dizzee Rascal are also handy to have on your public spotify playlist to prove to everyone how grime you truly are.

You’ll want to act like you knew these artists before anyone else. If you don’t know the words to Skengman and Shut up by Stormzy, you may aswell give up now. And if you want extra points, know about the BDL (Base Defence League). Alternatively, anyone from Boy Better Know label (founded by JME and Skepta, which you should also know) will do just fine.

Top marks if you can smoke a spliff with Big Narstie and look pissed off, as above

Also, don’t EVER make the mistake of asking your friends whether they have noticed that JME and Skepta look similar. They are brothers.