How to get with a boy who has a girlfriend

With women being expected to get a job, get married and start having children all before the age of 25, there isn’t much time for us to find the man of our dreams and start a life with him. But what happens if the man you want to spend your life with is taken?

Like with most things, you have to be selfish. Go after what you want and don’t let anyone stand in your way. Fuck girl code and get with the guy you want.

Heres is how to do it.

Look hot

No matter how nice they may be, or how caring they are, men can’t help but pine after a good looking girl. Make sure you are looking hot at all times. I’m talking good hair, great clothes and a face so contoured you could be mistaken for Kim K. If you are looking hot, then he is bound to notice you and you will have completed the first step of grabbing his attention.

Be approachable

You want to upstage his girlfriend. Approach him with your winning smile, be friendly and be sympathetic to his every need. Boys love attention and sympathy off any girl. You are aiming to become his hot agony aunt, and any problem he may have, he will come to you. With any luck, he will start coming to you about problems he is having with his girlfriend, and you can give him some good, subtle, relationship advice.

Don’t slag off his girlfriend

Nobody likes a bitch. He will respect you more if he thinks you care about his girlfriend’s feelings, even if you secretly don’t give a fuck. Say things like ‘She’s a sweet girl, I wouldn’t want us talking to upset her.’ Or ‘Are you sure you’re girlfriend is okay with us speaking? She gives me dirty looks, I wouldn’t want to offend her.’ This will make him respect you for appearing to give a shit about other girls’ lives. More importantly though, it will put some subtle pressure. He will realise the choice between you and her will at some point have to be made.

Don’t pounce too soon

This game is a game all about patience. If you are out clubbing and he is there, keep it cool. Give him the eye, maybe a smile. When the time is right, go up and say hi to him, dance with him, flirt with him, but do not touch him. And whatever you do, don’t kiss him or go home with him. These stages have to wait until a later date. If you go in guns blazing too soon, he will feel guilty about his girlfriend and end up avoiding you because of it.

Be wild and be fun

However much fun his girlfriend is having, you need to be having ten times more fun. Laugh loudly, tell him stories about all the wild things you have ever done, dance like a lunatic and make him realise you are a cool girl who doesn’t take herself too seriously.

Stay cool

No matter how many problems you are having, do not share them with him. Boys don’t like drama. Be cool, be calm, be one of those girls who is up for anything, doesn’t judge anyone and takes each day as it comes. This means that every time his girlfriend argues with him, or moans at him for doing something she doesn’t approve of, he will secretly wishing she is as chilled out as you are.

Take an interest in his interests

Stalk him to find out what he is in to. Find out what course he does at uni, or what he spends his weekends doing. Strike up a conversation with him about his chosen subjects. Look interested and ask a lot of questions. Everybody likes talking about themselves, and if you show a genuine interest, then he will love spending time talking to you.

Pounce on him

You have waited patiently. You have been the agony aunt, you have listened to him, now it is time to make your move. Get into a conversation with him, keep eye contact the whole time and when the time is right, kiss him. He will go for it, you will both be lost in the moment. Then you need to act like the nice girl. ‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I got carried away. Oh my god, I can’t believe you just did that I’m so sorry, I know you have a girlfriend.’

Wait

This is probably the hardest stage. Now it is all up to him. Avoid him for a few days, remember you are ashamed of hurting his girlfriend. That’s what you want him to think anyway. Trust me, he will soon come running. It won’t be long until you get that text message saying he needs to talk to you. He will be telling you that he broke up with his girlfriend, that he wants to be with you. Tread carefully here. Tell him it is best to take it slow, you don’t want him to rush into anything, regret anything. You have shown him you are hot, exciting, fun, caring and it won’t be long before you are waking off into the sunset together.

Put girl code aside

It is easy to start feeling guilty about this. But you need to remember that being ruthless and selfish is necessary. Don’t let your guilt ruin things. If he wanted to be with his ex-girlfriend over you, then he would. Remember it has all worked out for the best. It is better off for her to know so she can move on and be with someone who wants to be with her. In a way, you’ve probably done her a favour. Don’t put girl code ahead of a possible future husband. If the man you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with is taken, fuck girl code and make sure you get what makes you happy.

So take the advice, use it wisely, trap the man you need. But if you go after my boyfriend, I will claw your eyes out.