From gilets to relationship goals: Here’s every King’s boy that you’ll encounter on Hinge

Even though you may be feeling the fomo coming up to Valentine’s Day, maybe scrolling hinge isn’t the best option. However, when you set your location to London and add that you are a King’s student, you may come across every other King’s student with the same idea.

From the gilet fanatic, the rugby lad, the gap year to the commitment issues, which will you pick? But remember you’ve only got one rose a day so choose wisely.

So, here is every King’s boy that you’ll encounter on hinge.

Short term relationship, open to long

Up first we have the ‘quarter zip’. His profile consists of one selfie in said navy blue quarter zip which makes you pause before swiping away because maybe he has style, but instead the rest are all flat whites from Blank Street.

They also happen to capture his perfectly crafted outfit for a day of lectures to give off that locked in aura. As you scroll it’s the usual: ‘Leo’, ‘London’, and unsurprisingly ‘not political’. Each are slightly disappointing but not surprising. Feeling thoroughly unimpressed to swipe away and onto the next.

Figuring out my relationship goals

Free from gilets and quarter zips, this guy feels promising. His profile features his cat, hinting at some level of humanity and is compounded by the artistic picture of London captioned ‘my submission for the National Geographic’. His multiple-choice question on his profile consists of three history questions so it’s clear he is taking a humanities degree.

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It seems all the boxes are being ticked until you realise all these questions are focused on World War Two so there is a possibility he is a war studies student which makes you pause. One more fact makes you move from clicking the heart button to the x…‘figuring out my relationship goals’. This level of uncertainty greatly outweighs the cute cat.

I could stay up all night talking about…

Even though it’s dark and gloomy in February while you scroll Hinge, this profile is the opposite. This blueprint King’s student has done a gap year in Thailand. Every picture and every prompt is somehow conveniently related to said gap year. You’ll tell yourself  ‘at least he’s travelled’ but that’s about it.

There isn’t much else to take away from this profile except his gap year in Thailand. In the end you are longing more for the aesthetic background of his photos than him so its hard to pull yourself away from his profile. However, you do.

Which one is he?

What are the chances that all their names start with J?

The next profile is chaotic at best. You spot the ‘Rugby Team’ fleece immediately and it only gets worse. Every picture is a group picture so its impossible to understand who the owner of this profile even is. No matter how many times you look at his pictures, it’s impossible to uncover him.

The chaoticness of his profile make you question the relationship you could have together. Not to mention the rumours of questionable initiations that goes on in the rugby team. Maybe that’s enough Hinge scrolling for tonight…read a book instead.

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