Dean Vary’s cringiest raps about his stint on MAFS UK, ranked by overall ick

Ah, Dean. I’m sure there is a rapping, Care Bear-loving, Dad joke enthusiast somewhere out there who would love to go out with him. Sarah was just not that person. Dean’s random rap outbursts were one of the most, erm, memorable aspects of MAFS UK 2025.

To mark his and Sarah’s long-awaited departure from MAFS, here are all of Dean’s random raps about MAFS, ranked by how much they made me cringe. Prepare to recoil and shiver.

4. This rap about the other contestants – 4/10 cringe

In celebration of his time on MAFS, Dean just dropped this behind-the-scenes video. He and a bunch of contestants – including Ashley, Grace, Bailey, Rebecca, Leah and Nelly – are drinking wine in their pyjamas. Dean tries to rap about all of them. Emphasis on “try”.

By themselves, the lyrics are definitely cringe. The most cohesive line is: “Got Rebecca and Bailey, yeah they’re non-stop. Rocking ’til they can’t, ’cause they never stop.” However, this video made me cringe the least, because (some) of the other participants are laughing along too. This is the appropriate setting for this kind of performance, Dean. Not the altar at your wedding.

@varydean

Now that’s a wrap! 🎤 metaphorically and literally haha. Now I get to watch this lovely bunch with the rest of you! 💜📺 #mafs #mafsuk #rap #dean

♬ original sound – Dean Vary | MAFSUK 2025

3. Wedding vow rap – 8/10 cringe

Well, that’s one way to give your bride the ick as quickly as possible. Waves of second-hand embarrassment swept through the country on that fateful night MAFS UK 2025 launched with the infamous wedding rap. Dean has explained the purpose of the rap was to show his new bride his personality, and to check she was “the type of person that’s up for a laugh”. Um, well it was definitely a good test of Sarah’s sense of humour (and patience).

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A montage of Sarah’s family and friends reacting to Dean’s rap (Images via Channel 4)

If you wanted to see the extended cut of the song, you’re in luck! Dean posted an unedited a capella version for all the internet to watch (if you can face it).

@varydean

Why I rapped my vows, and the full rap 🎤 #mafsuk #mafs #rap #dean

♬ original sound – Dean Vary | MAFSUK 2025

I deducted some cringe points because I do think the “wed Dean” pun is actually slightly funny.

2. Wedding reception song – 10/10 cringe

It’s not the time, babes x
(Image via Channel 4)

Time really did seem to slow down as we watched Dean burst into song at the wedding reception for the bride he’d just met. But apparently the original song was even longer. He posted a video of the whole four-minute long piece, complete with a guitar and actions and everything.

@varydean

The reason I sang the song on my wedding day, and the actual full song! #mafs #mafsuk #dean #song

♬ original sound – Dean Vary | MAFSUK 2025

Some of the individual lyrics about drinking hot chocolate in front of a fire and buying a piano in autumn might have been cute if they’d been about specific memories. But Dean had known Sarah for about five minutes at this point. Is he singing about an ex at his wedding? Or revealing an oddly specific fantasy Dean had about Sarah before he’d even met her? Every possibility sends shivers up my spine, tbh.

1. This duet with Divarni (against his will, presumably) – 30/10 cringe

The most cringe moments I can think of from MAFS UK 2024 are: 1) Dean rapping 2) Divarni’s weird ballad begging Julia-Ruth not to run away from home 3) Dean’s plant puns on his honeymoon. Dean managed to truly up himself, and combine all three into one truly excruciating video. This proves that something really can be cringier than the sum of its parts.

@varydean

The duet no one asked for, but here it is! 😂 Much love to @DIVARNI #mafsuk #song #comedy #dean

♬ original sound – Dean Vary | MAFSUK 2025

I’m still confused by the line “”If I could choose a Pokémon then I’d probably just choose you.” He even captioned the video “the duet no-one asked for”. You’re not wrong, hun x

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Featured images via Channel 4.