Why I will never date a younger boy

I have never dated a boy that’s younger than me, not even by so much as a matter of days.  In fact, to the best of my knowledge, I’ve never even kissed a boy that’s younger than me.

This hasn’t been a conscious decision, I just don’t find younger boys attractive.  Their innocence is not adorable and their naivety is not cute; it’s just mildly irritating.  When I reflected on exactly why I had never been tempted by the charms of a younger man I realised that there were actually quite a lot of reasons.

They’re inexperienced

I don’t just mean in the obvious way, I mean in literally every single way. They’re inexperienced in all areas of dating and relationships. The younger boy is most probably going to need guidance on a variety of topics ranging from the importance of texting back promptly to where to buy nice flowers. Why would you want to be with a boy that you need to teach how to treat you properly?

They’ll probably tell their friends all the intimate details

Everyone knows that girls mature more quickly than boys.  There is nothing worse than a boy who hasn’t grown out of the teenage phase of telling their friends about every single detail of their sex lives and making jokes about it.  Why would you want to sleep with someone like that?

Their friends are as immature as they are

Unfortunately, if you’re dating a younger boy you’re also dating his similarly immature young friends.  They will probably snigger whenever they see you because as I mentioned, your charming younger boyfriend will have overshared about every single detail of your life with them.  

They are less likely to have grown out of being dressed by their mums

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the more recently a boy moved away from his mum, the more likely she is to still have significant influence over his dress sense.  This is likely to involve them wearing slightly dodgy jeans and t-shirts with questionable logos and slogans on them.  You do not want to take a boy dressed like that to the pub to meet your friends, it would just be embarrassing.

They’re even less likely than an older boy to want to take things seriously

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I’m not talking marriage here.  I mean to just want to have an actual reasonably grown-up relationship; one that your parents actually know about, maybe even one that involves sharing a Tesco club-card account.  Don’t get me wrong, fuckboys come in all shapes and sizes, but the younger they are the more likely they are to be a fuckboy.

Your first date will probably be at Nando’s

Younger boys haven’t had a chance to develop a good taste for date locations yet.  Your dates will probably be a Netflix and chill at his, a trip to the cinema or a cheeky Nando’s if you’re really special.  Or even worse, he might suggest you grab a drink at Spoons.  The younger boy thinks these are all acceptable date locations, because he hasn’t learned any better yet.

They probably can’t hold their alcohol particularly well

Personally speaking, I haven’t either.  So I need a boy that’s slightly more mature and capable of drinking the same amount as me without getting as drunk to make sure I don’t accidentally die.  A younger boy cannot offer me these modest but completely necessary levels of maturity.

They most likely haven’t had time to develop proper hobbies and interests yet

There is nothing more dull than a boy who’s main hobbies are having banter with the lads, playing FIFA and watching footie.  What on earth are you meant to talk to them about? The younger they are, the less likely they are to have developed genuinely unique hobbies and interests that distinguish them from their crown of similar looking youthful friends.

They’re less likely to be focused on goals and ambitions

Like most girls, I find boys with ambition and drive pretty attractive.  So a boy who’s only goal is to make his student loan last until Christmas whilst also collecting as many beer bottles as he can for the window sill of his bedroom doesn’t really do it for me.

They might not be as good at basic life skills

The older they are, the longer they’ve lived away from home and the more life skills they’ve developed (at least in theory).  The older boy is more likely to change his sheets more often, be capable of cooking and understand the importance of wearing clean underwear every day.