Everything York uni has taught me

Roses are white


York University is a very well respected place of study, but it’s not just the hidden meanings in Shakespeare’s sonnets, or the molecular formulae in some periodic elements – the city of York is not just full of pensioners and grumpy middle aged northerners as we all assumed when we confirmed we would be going to York.

Ducks are evil

Anywhere else in the country ducks may be approached and as children we all fed the ducks at our local park – but not in York. If you see a duck approaching you on campus you must flee, forget your lecture, forget about your exam, whatever it may be it is surely less important than your life that a single duck will easily take from you within minutes if given the chance. Only in York would it be a bigger crime to kill a duck on campus than it is to kill another student.

How do you pronounce Nisa?

The correct pronunciation of Nisa is heavily debated and you cannot go a single day without hearing someone correct you on how you choose to say it. After spending many hours in the glorious campus shop of delights choosing my library snacks, I have been forced to listen to Nisa Radio – in which the radio jingle pronounces it ‘Nicer Radio’ – that being the only form of proof anyone has to correct you if you say it otherwise. As heavy as the weight is knowing that you don’t say ‘Nicer’, you still continue your day and carry on saying ‘Nisa’ just because it sounds correct to you.

If you don’t eat at Betty’s, have you even studied at York?

Betty’s tea rooms are a major northern attraction (let’s face it, there aren’t many else), and afternoon tea at Betty’s is on everyone’s university bucket list. You may pay the equivalent to a week’s worth of meals on a slice of cake, but it is most definitely worth it. The waiters’ Victorian style uniforms, the shiny silver-plated teapots, or the delicious pistachio and almond miniature cake all make you look so modest and high society…until you realise that several hours later you will be on the floor of Salvo because those cake bites prove to not be quite enough of a stomach liner.

Automatic doors aren’t always for actual use

The treasured architectural designers who gave us such inspirations as the York Library and Derwent clearly did not understand the practicalities of an automatic door – they are in fact supposed to actually open and close rather than just be there for show. Any student who actually goes to the library (who’d have thought) will know that you have to play eenie meenie to see which automatic doors are in use that day and which have been switched off for the joy of the receptionists who can laugh at the hungover buggers walking straight into the closed doors.

Long live the Willow Disco

Spontaneous nights out will never be the same now without Willow or Duchess to provide a dark and grimy night club for us to think is absolutely amazing after downing countless trebles in Stone Roses beforehand. We’ve already had to settle for the loss of the prawn crackers on the bar at Willow.

Halifax rooms are easy to prank

If you were unfortunate enough to be in Halifax College in first year, then not only do I pass on my deepest sympathies but I also presume you know how easy it was to prank each other. Nothing shy of cling film doors, water cups all over the floor, locking all the bedroom doors when someone goes for a shower (including their own). If you can make it through a year of that torture then you can make it through anything.

Don’t take crisps to the JB Morrell

The silent torture of the JB Morrell is enough to make anyone contemplate life outside of uni (as if that exists), but on the day where you thought you’d have a cheat day and have some crisps to the library for your lunch-pudding, then you will automatically regret it after the first crunch which attracts every single eye in your direction. The relentless evil glares and the shaking of heads increase as you slowly make your way through your crisps that you’d been looking forward to all morning – you even hold smaller crisps in your mouth to soften them up before crunching, but still some tightly-wound bastard 15 tables away from you manages to hear every bite.

Pancakes at Brew & Brownie are unforgettable

The treacherous wait and the small environment are automatically forgiven when your pancake stack arrives in front of you and it feels as though all problems in the world are forgotten – what EU referendum? Who even is Donald Trump? You tell yourself that the stack of five American pancakes with Nutella is okay because there’s a banana thrown in there too.

Maybe the attic room isn’t so bad

Building a city on a flood plain perhaps wasn’t the greatest of ideas,  but if we learned anything from the floods at the end of 2015 it’s that getting a top floor room is no longer the worst issue. The extra flights of steps are soon worth it when the ground floor rooms are soaked through and it’s as if you now have your own indoor swimming pool.

Sporting rivalry

Upon passing the ‘Welcome to York’ signpost you automatically get a sense of hatred towards Lancaster, and even 9 months before the all-important Roses tournament you feel a sense of pride for the white rose. Although, the sense of rivalry ceases to exist when it comes down to the UYRUFC because no one wants to admit they have the same bubble of emotion as those #ladsladslads.

Air con in a library is actually quite fundamental

York Uni library teaches us that if our £9,000 is going anywhere it most certainly isn’t on air con. It’s as though they feel that 30 degrees is a really great temperature for learning and if you can’t grasp your pen through your clammy palms then this must be a good sign. The lesson we learn is that even if you need to wear a thick jumper to get to the library, pack your beach clothes for the library for a more comfortable learning experience.

Studying at Uni of York teaches us some really great life lessons, such as if you think you did crap then just remember that someone always did worse than you, and you can spot a fresher a mile off in a club because they still look like they have some faith in life ahead – whereas second year at York makes you see that one night out a week is even too much sometimes.