I started an online petition to get my housemates to do their washing up
I’m just trying to make a better world for students, one dirty plate at a time.
Yes, university is really easy. Never again in life will so little be asked of you. There is only one struggle to be survived as a student, learning to clean up after yourself.
The majority of students tread the line between avoiding their commitment to domestic hygiene and nurturing never before seen strains of bacteria in their living space with reckless abandon.
While I am by no means a domestic goddess, the situation in my house came to a head, forcing me to launch an official government petition entitled: “Get my housemates to do their washing up for once in their pathetic lives.”
Unfortunately, the government rejected my petition, stating that it was: “about something that the UK Government or Parliament is not responsible for.”
I don’t expect the government to understand the concerns of young people, and I’m surprised that their penchant for cuts doesn’t extend to cutting the amount of dirty bowls and plates that litter my kitchen.
I have now launched another petition on change.org, hoping to show the UK government that this cause is something that is worth caring about.
This might all seem rather drastic and overblown, but something has to be done. The intensity of complaints on our house group chat about the lack of cleaning up has escalated to the level of people posting long-winded, colourful deconstructions of the lack of moral integrity of the people we live with. While this can at times be entertaining, and useful for documenting the passing of time while we rot in our festering stasis, something needs to be done before the airborne diseases and the now biologically-weaponised mouldy mugs of tea slowly kill us all.
I now ask you to stand with me, to show some solidarity in the face of the army of unwashed kitchen equipment that threatens to overrun us if we don’t unite and take action. This is a call to arms. Now use the hands connected to those arms to pick up a brush and a bottle of washing-up liquid and give them to your housemate, all while yelling “GET SCRUBBING!” centimetres from their face.
This is it. This is our time. Together we can change the world, simply by signing an online petition…