Why you should never predrink on beer or cider

Bloating is not the one

Most of us have a natural tendency to spend as little as possible while having as much fun as possible. We meticulously scan the shop shelves for £1 Nisa deals, or frantically guestlist our names for the overly generous £1 discount in an attempt to be austere with our loans and this thriftiness extends to alcohol. Beer and cider are always a winner in this respect, with the six pack of Stella or the £2.50 two litre bottle of Strongbow frequently making an appearance at BYOB events.

What better way to save a few pounds by stocking up on a crate or two and look like an absolute hero while doing it?

Predrinks are underway, and you’re clutching a pint while gushing about your cultural gap year, while others engage in some classic beer pong with a group of equally cool mates. What you failed to take into account, however, is that predrinking on fermented gaseous drinks will almost certainly be the worst decision of your student life.

The belly

There are approximately the same amount of calories in one pint of beer or cider as there are in a slice of pizza. I’ll let that sink in – and by that I mean sink into the deep recesses of your stomach or thighs, as you continue to drink excessive amounts of cocktail concoctions and even MORE beer, before ending the night stumbling into Efes and ordering a pizza anyway.

Not the best way to stay looking fit for your library boyfriend the next day.

The bloating

This one particularly affects those who choose the bodycon lifestyle, or crop tops with low rising jeans. And lads, maybe it’s not the appropriate time to wear that tight fitting white T in an attempt to show off your freshly sculpted gym-lad arms.

Gaseous drinks do not bode well for pulling, and you will end up wishing you’d stuck to neat vodka instead of looking like you’re expecting.

Before cider


After cider

The bladder

This is a more common problem among us girls. Every time I drink cider I have an immediate and insatiable desire to pee as soon as I’ve had that first sip of Strongbow. This drink seems to funnel straight through my system and settle uncomfortably on my bladder until the seal is broken five times before the taxi arrives. The toilet literally becomes my new best friend.


The Bbreath

You’re leaning in towards a friend, or potential one night stand, and before you know it a bubble of gas is rolling its way up past your sternum and erupts right into their face. Nothing is more off-putting than a beer-smelling burp, which is followed by the inevitable beer-flavoured vomit as it has spent the night churning around in your stomach while you flung yourself around the club.

You can practically smell it

The beeriod

Yes, it’s a thing apparently. This bygone and outdated phrase is something no one wants to experience and everyone tries to avoid. Thankfully I’ve never had the horrific morning-after shits from excessive beer or cider consumption, but after living in halls with communal toilets I realised it definitely exists.

Although this tactic of drinking beer or cider allows you to last longer on the dance floor and embarrass yourself sufficiently less than your vodka shot peers, I for one would be far better off eliminating these five possible factors from my night.