Forget the Roman Empire: Here’s what thinking about these time periods says about your vibe

If you dwell on Ancient Greece, call me

7 months ago

Unless you’ve been living under the Colosseum for the past month, you’re likely aware of a rampant TikTok trend that revealed men apparently think about the Roman Empire all the time. It was a bizarre turn of events for me – as both a man and someone with a medium interest in history – a phrase which here means I took it at GCSE and dabbled in it at A-level before realising I couldn’t actually be arsed. But of all the time periods, Roman Empire doesn’t really cross my mind that much. This got me thinking: What does dwelling on other time periods from throughout history reveal about you? You might not like to hear it, but here’s my verdicts on what these time periods says about you if you think about it

Ancient Egypt

If you think on the Ancient Eyptians, I feel like your English teacher used to write on your school report that you were “a pleasure to have in class”. Of all the time periods here, I think about this one a lot. I think a lot of this is to do with a hyperfixation on 1998’s The Mummy – to the point where I used to call myself Evelyn in the school playground and force someone else to play “Rick”. Tea staining your exercise book so it looked like papyrus? These are core memories that don’t leave your mind easily.

Overall, not that I’m bias, this is a good vibes situation. I think if you think on Ancient Egypt you’ve got a flair for the glam and the artistic – as well as likely a morbid fascination with the gruesome, because – let’s face it – we all spent ages poring over the ins and outs of mummification.

The Middle Ages

Probably got a little bit too into Game of Thrones. Not the vibiest of time periods I fear. A lot of plague and bleakness. I am not a thinker on the Roman Empire but at least it has flair – what does the Middle Ages / medieval period have to offer beyond Black Death, famine and war? Red flag if he’s pondering this one, girlies.

Renaissance

The dresses! The culture! The drama! It’s giving for the girlies, I fear. And dare I say… the posh girlies. Those and the ones who got a bit too into Doctor Who’s The Girl in the Fireplace.

Industrial Revolution

Just a lot of grey and smog, and children being put to work and dying in newly invented heavy machinery. I feel like if you think about this one a lot you probs found Oppenheimer to be a relaxed and breezy viewing experience. There’s a big overachiever energy here. If thinking about the Renaissance is performing arts degree coded, this one is giving maths and science. I’m out!

Ancient Greece

Oh I’m wowing. I love all the nonsense with the ancient gods and the myths that came out of it. Much to think about. If you’re like me and you spent many hours legging it around Assassin’s Creed Odyssey you will think on Ancient Greece more than any poxy Roman Empire. The greatest minds you will ever meet think of Ancient Greece – the vibiest people you’ve ever met. If your brain’s going grecian, call me.

The World Wars

Not to say that it feels a bit Tory to think about the World War I and World War II a lot, but I do think it feels a bit Tory. That’s what it feels lime unfortunately. And you can thank right wing Twitter’s fascination with poppies and Churchill for that.

Regency

Twee and mumsy. Period drama obsessed. You’re the type who begged your mum for a Cath Kidston pencil case at school and then realised you needed the bag as well. Trying to find the gentlest way possible to tell you I think if you think on this period as much as these men think on the Roman Empire you’re probably a bit boring. Let’s turn the Bridgerton rewatch off, shall we?

Tudor period

Right – if you think about the Tudors, I am here to tell you with a lot of confidence that I think you are LGBTQ. Us gays have always been hyperfixated on the Tudor times. I think this is mostly to do with Anne Boleyn – we love a wronged woman. It all got even worse when Six the Musical came out. This is the Roman Empire but for gays.

Qin dynasty

This one’s giving your parents dragged you to see the Terracotta Warriors in your city when they were on their big global tour and you moaned about going but then had your brain chemistry permanently altered for the rest of your days. Now all you think of is them Terracotta Warriors. And who can blame you?

The Stone Age

A youthful obsession with CBBC’s Cavegirl that involved to liking the worst night’s out any city has to offer. Truly primal. Run from the Stone Age thinkers, and don’t look back.