You’re not cool if you won’t watch the Barbie film – you’re just annoying

A particularly sigh-inducing breed of person is emerging as a result of the Barbie movie release: Bros across the globe are refusing to watch the film and, honestly, what you do with your fragile masculinity is your business but – yawn. You can’t make abstinence your only personality trait.

Barbie broke the opening weekend box office record for any film released in 2023, raking in $162m in ticket sales in North America. It’s also the biggest launch for any female directed film ever. To not watch it, curb your curiosity, because it’s a girly pop phenomenon is decidedly lame.

Obviously, not every human on the planet has to be marched to the cinema to watch Barbie in some pink-powered propaganda regime – you’re allowed to sit at home in your boxers and watch re-runs of The Office for the eleventythousandth time if you want to.

But if you do, please, stop talking about how you’re not going to watch Barbie. Keep the films name out of your mouth and be done. Say something more interesting. I beg. Hinge chats, first dates, and dance floor flirting deserve better topics than you gleefully telling us about your boycott. Hating on something millions of women loved is not going to make us want to shag you.

Almost worse than the Barbie strikers, though, are the people with a vehement hatred for the film. Is it a saturation-raised, hyper feminine, slap across the face? Sure. And you’re allowed not to have enjoyed it. But it’s really better for your blood pressure and the women around you if you calm down about just how much you hated it. Use that passion elsewhere! Start a business, run a marathon, take a vow of silence – whatever you fancy, you know?

Fundamentally, hating Barbie doesn’t make you funnier, cooler or more original than the millions of people who paid, watched and enjoyed it. Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, sodding iced lattes: Music, films and food many women love have long been called “basic” and “cringe” simply because they’re popular. And, honestly? Bore off. We’ve had enough now. Thanks.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• Take this quiz and we’ll tell you which Ken from the Barbie film shares your Kenergy

• Girls are sharing what they did to their old Barbie and I won’t be sleeping tonight 

• Take this quiz and we’ll tell you which Barbie movie Ken would date you