Every cast member of Married at First Sight UK 2022 definitively ranked from worst to best
I will remember the drama they gave us til the day I die
Married at First Sight UK 2022 is finally coming to an end, and after two months of marital mayhem I think my reality TV life has been permanently changed forever – so, naturally, we need to get the cast ranked.
It’s been a cast of characters to say the LEAST – and each bride and groom has brought something to the table. There’s been tantrums, storm offs and affairs, and we’ve all emerged at the other end of this season with the memory of Kwame’s bench burned into our brains forever. Let’s get the entire cast ranked and reflect on a season of chaos.
Even before all THAT happened, George would still get ranked at the bottom of the Married at First Sight UK cast for referring to his children as either “his cubs” or “his heartbeats”. Unforgivable.
This one hurts, mostly because it makes me feel betrayed. I think I’m a good judge of character, and I really thought Johnathan was a lovely lad and I thought Sophie’s disregard for him not being career driven on their wedding day was odious. He was lovely, northern vibes and exactly the kind of fella I’d have wanted at the end of the aisle.
And then he opened his mouth a few weeks later and commented on women’s bodies, weight gains and all kinds of traumatic discourse. His fate was sealed.
He took Kasia to a park bench. The week was HOMESTAYS. He took her to a PARK. BENCH.
I, like everyone else, thought Gemma’s constant discussion of sex was wearing thin and I thought she was her own worst enemy. And then the show went on, and Matt’s red flags leaped out the TV and smacked us all around the face. Even before the ginormous Whtiney cheating scandal, his conduct was just unlikabale.
Why are you shouting? Lower your tone, sir. I’m so glad Zoe and Thomas AND Adrian put up with none of his shit, because the vibes were in hell. In the immortal words of Atomic Kitten frontwoman Natasha Hamilton on Celebrity Big Brother: “You don’t have to shout! My dad doesn’t shout at me!”
Pure evil to Duka on her first wedding day, but we saw her soften over time and give it another chance just in case Duka was also probably not that great – which he wasn’t. Then she did the whole cheating with Matt fiasco and continued to be insufferable. In the immortal words of Adrian: “F*ck off, Whitney.”
All I remember about Jess is that she judged Pjay for being a stripper and she was a bit too fond of Harry Potter. Both terrible things.
Whilst Whitney was for sure a bit of a villain, I do think she was probably right about Duka being fake. There ain’t no smoke without fire – and there was a Mr Nice Guy act here that just never really felt genuine. I think he got a shit hand on Married at First Sight UK, but there’s no way Duka is as genuine as some of the lads ranked higher.
Honest to god, I have no clue how Richie has wound up coming 13th. But them’s the brakes when you leave no impact whatsoever, I guess!
See above for Richie, only this time I wish him more well because I don’t like people getting judged for being strippers! Strip on, doll.
We hardly knew Lara, but she seemed like she could have been a bit of an icon if she stuck around. Honestly, this bottom 10 was such a slog. I’m so sorry.
You get in that gym and do whatever workouts you wanna do, my love! Leave your man!
I think April’s time on this show was a bit tainted by he who shall not be named – but she did cause some Machiavellian drama. A lot of tears and a lot of potential bitching. We will never know if she slagged Chanita off behind the scenes, and I enjoyed her villainess mystique.
There’s something to be said about someone being last in, first out and changing the show forever. Gemma’s time on the show was short, but her impact was as large as her sex drive. And yes, she was a lot. But she was a catalyst for amazing drama and she got the rough end of the stick in the end. Justice for Gem!
Aw, Jordan. What an absolutely lovely lad he is! Every year MAFS loves to cast its no nonsense good lad, and this year Jordan is he. See what happens when you’re unproblematic and kind? You end up ranked seventh on Harrison Brocklehurst’s Married at First Sight UK article. Dreams do come true!
I’ll be expecting an invite to the Jordan x Chanita wedding party.
Chanita is a lovely girl with a heart of gold, I mean – what is not to like? She has spent the season drama free unless she needs to stand up and be vocal about what she thinks is right, and she’s always doing the correct thing. I wish her only the best. And she’s bloody gorgeous.
Jenna entered Married at First Sight UK likeable, and she finished the season even more so – I hope that her kicking off the ranked top five reflects that. She spoke openly about her alopecia which was great to see on TV and inspirational for many going through the same thing, and then proceeded to give everything to her marriage to Zoe and we all watched it bloom into something lovely – despite vegan-gate.
She’s just a good person, and she deserves happiness!
If you told me week one Zoe would be coming in at fourth I’d have laughed you out of the room. I have no patience for such silliness over somebody being vegan in the year two thousand and twenty two… Like, come on. But it’s a testament to how much Zoe has spent the final episodes standing up for what’s right and being an all round good gal that she’s rose above the early annoyance into someone who puts Matt in his place. And I loved every second!
The people’s princess.
What. An. Icon. From facial expressions that have gone into the reality TV pantheon for the rest of time to a headstrong nature that consistently proved she was a woman who took no shit and knew exactly who she was. When her marriage didn’t work out, she made it never feel like a failure but a reclamation of her self-worth. Love her.
Also, her scribbling Kwame out on an Instagram post of wedding pictures was honestly better than the entire series.
Without Thomas, there would have been no Married at First Sight UK season. End of.
Love him or hate him, his one liners and explosive temper have made this season what it was. He is the character we will all remember forever – and he deserves it. What I like about Thomas and what makes him an icon is that most of the time, he was sticking up for the right things. He fights for what’s right – albeit in a chaotic way.
Thomas also gave us his ma, who is a Scouse icon and understood him in ways the cast and the audience weren’t always capable of. What an iconic cast member, and what a wild ride of a season.
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