You’ll only relate to these 33 things if you’re *actually* from London

And for the last time, Surrey doesn’t count

I didn’t realise that living in London was my only personality trait until I came to uni and met people from elsewhere. And honestly, poor them. London is undeniably far superior to anywhere else in the UK. If it wasn’t, why would we get so many wannabe Londoners who, spoiler alert, are actually from Surrey?

It’s the biggest city in the UK and yet somehow, everyone knows everyone. The amount of mutual friends you’ll find with any Londoner you meet at uni is ridiculous. Growing up there, you went clubbing at Slug or Lightbox as soon as you possibly could, Bubbleology was the place to be on a Friday after school and the biggest challenge you faced was trying to sneak onto the bus when you had lost your Zip card.

If you’re trying to prove to your mates that you actually live in North London and not just-north-of-London (just accept you live in Hertfordshire), have a read and see how many points you relate to.

These are 33 things you’ll relate to if you’re *actually* from London:

1. You get excited when someone says they’re also from London, until you find out they live in Watford

2. You don’t understand how to use public transport in any other part of the country. How do you ask for a bus ticket?!

3. You came back for reading week in first year to find that your Zip card had expired. Tragic

4. As soon as you could, you went clubbing solely at Slug, Fire and Lightbox and XOYO

5. And on that note, you don’t know what to say when a uni mate asks where the best clubs are in London because you haven’t really been to any. They’re all expensive and a bit shit

6. You had very specific newsagents that you knew would serve you without ID, and a bunch of you would take a trip there after school every Friday to buy booze

7. You’re very proud of your side of the river, and will defend it at any cost

8. TFL takes literally all of your money

9. The amount of random mutuals you have with any other Londoner is mad

10. Your new uni mates didn’t believe that you actually live in London until you showed them on Snap Maps

11. You’re prepared to spend £6 on a pint, or a tenner on a single G&T

12. Or instead, you spend all your time at Spoons because everything else is just so expensive. Shoutout to the William Morris in Hammersmith

13. Although the Camden Spoons is by far the nicest, allowing you to imagine you’re at a proper pub for once

14. You were invited to park drink ups on Facebook in Year 10. It’s London – fields simply don’t exist here

15. Everyone you’ve ever met comes up on your Tinder

16. There are a bunch of schools that you just absolutely hate

17. There were also particular people at certain schools that literally everyone had heard of. Is Big Name in London a thing?

18. You can name at least five vaguely famous people who you’ve seen on the bus, or who live in your area, or who went to your school

19. The zone you live in is a constant point of contestation. Zone Three is fully London, I swear

20. You pretend to non-Londoners that everywhere is five minutes from you, but it will probably take you just as long to get from Kew to Shoreditch as it does for those living in the countryside to get a fast train in

21. Having to wait more than three minutes for a tube is a joke

22. You’re shocked when locals in your uni city are actually friendly and say hi to you in the street

23. You can’t walk for two minutes without seeing a Pret

24. You probably still own one of those fun peace sign tank tops that you bought from Camden Market in year 8. Or a tapestry

25. You will have bumped into miscellaneous Made in Chelsea cast members on the King’s Road, or in Embargo’s

26. You now think your uni city is tiny, even if it’s not

27. You went to Sketch just to take photos in the cool toilets

28. You don’t have to drive to your mates’ houses

29. You found so much joy in the opening of the night tube, because it meant that you could now get the night tube or night bus back from a night out

30. You refuse to go on the Central Line during summer

31. You went to Notting Hill or South Ken Bubbleology after school and thought you were the shit

32. You get approached by those knife crime leafleting people on the daily

33. You’ll be staying in London after uni, and everyone else is moving to join you there

Related stories recommended by this writer:

Things you’ll only know if you grew up in Surrey

• Where you should live in London, according to where you go to university

• How much of a Londoner are you, really?