What your choice of Crocs colour says about the type of person you are

If you own yellow Crocs then you definitely say ‘Croc and roll’ unironically x

3 years ago

To put it bluntly: I would die for my Crocs. They are an elite style of footwear. They tick all the boxes, comfort, class, poise and reliability – what more could you want in a shoe? They’re gorgeous and should be worn with pride.

Ever been in a situation where you’ve had to be somewhere ASAP? Well Croc owners haven’t. We just slip our foot in and whack them in sport mode and then we’re moving as quick as lightning. Not to mention we’re looking good whilst we’re doing it.

But all that being said, you’d be foolish to think that all of the colours are on the same level of superiority. If you’re out here buying yellow Crocs, then I would cross to the other side of the street if I saw you approaching me. But if you wearing leopard print Crocs? I’d probably ask for you to be my bestie there and then.

Anyway, let’s get to it – here is what your choice of Crocs colour says about you:

Lilac or baby pink

Hun, you’re basic. As much as you’d like to deny it, you bought these Crocs from ASOS because you had a bad case of FOMO you couldn’t shake.

You’ll wear these with your Topshop flares and halter neck vest and think you’re shit-hot with your nose ring and self-cut lockdown bangs.

You drink Aperol spritz every time you go to the pub and you exclusively drink iced coffee all year round. You’re the loudest one in your friendship group and you have gossip on everyone. Oh, and you’ve rewatched Pretty Little Liars and Gossip Girl more times than you’ve had a hot meal. Sort it out, babe.

Yellow

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Straight off the bat, you’re fucking weird. You’re the type of person who unironically describes themselves as either “bubbly” or “quirky”.

You’re stuck in the 2014 moustache phase and you sometimes add “XD” at the end of your messages but tell your friends it was a “joke”.

Whilst we’re here, let’s unpack the reasons why you’re so desperate to stand out from the crowd. Maybe it’s got something to do with the fact you were always called the “quiet” one at school. I get it, you want to be in the limelight. But, trust me, this isn’t what you want to be known for. It’s likely you refer to your Crocs as being in “sport mode” and it’s not as a joke either. PLEASE JUST STOP.

Red

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This is a weird one because whilst red is quite a lustful and sexy colour, it also indicates to me you’re a bit of a cop out. You crave to be cool and fun, hence why you bought the Crocs. But when push comes to shove, you’ll only be seen dead in them on the beach, local supermarket or your uni city.

You want to show everyone how “fun” you can be but when your mates ask “are you wearing your Crocs out then?” you just massively disappoint them when you say no. Crocs are meant to be worn with pride, grow up x

Black

OH, LOOK WHO IT IS. Someone who cares too much about their non-existent street cred! You care WAY too much, and you need to get a life.

Yes, style and looking good is important but buying black Crocs is a step too far. At the end of the day, they’re just rubber fucking shoes, mate. For Christ’s sake just step out of your comfort zone once in a while. The only acceptable people who wear these are NHS key workers in the middle of a pandemic and chefs – anyone else can sod off.

Orange

Your only personality trait is the fact your favourite colour is orange and you’re vegan. You thought getting orange Crocs would be funny but deep down you meant it.

If you own orange Crocs when you’re probably a bit rogue but want everyone to think you’re the life and soul of the party. You demand attention, not on the same scale as someone who enjoys a yellow Croc but you’re still jarring as fuck.

Hot pink

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Better than baby pink and lilac but you are still a bit of a cop out. You only have these because you saw Nicki Minaj in them and you now think they’re cool. But news flash: THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN COOL.

Lime green

HUGE “let’s grab a bag” energy. You only wear neon on nights out which is super handy for your mates because you’re always legging it from the club by yourself.

For the last couple weeks, you’ve been singing “Adeola when I roll with a geezer” non-stop because it is the only lyric you know from the whole song. You ONLY interact with viral tweets and you’ve learnt at least five TikTok dances.

Dark green

Pure dad vibes. A solid Crocs colour. How many fleeces do you own exactly? Your favourite time of year is the Chelsea Flower Show and you excel and keeping house plants alive.

You are very crunchy and wholesome. You only go to the pub and will turn down every invite to a club. You know what you like, and I respect it.

Animal print

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The creme de la creme of Crocs. The cream of the Croc. The best of the best. These have massive hun energy it actually hurts.

You already know what you won’t be everyone’s first choice but that doesn’t stop you from having a good time. Your favourite social media app is Twitter but your Instagram notifications are switched on for when Love of Huns posts.

When you’re not busy at art school during the day, you’re catching up on EastEnders and Drag Race during the night.

Glitter crocs

I am going to start a petition that anyone above the age of five and caught wearing the glitter Crocs colour deserves a prison sentence. They might be comfy but what you have in comfort you lack in self-respect. Sort. It. Out.

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White

Thanks for taking a break from scrolling on Etsy and joining us. You’re not interested in Crocs, you only bought them because you saw some wholesome Jibbitz to add on. There’s no doubt in my mind that you intend to stick some jewels on them as well. God, you’re like a fun sponge.

You’re also a monumental wokefish. You refuse to be your own person because and you’re scared your Tumblr friends will see straight through you.

Flame print

Where do I even start? You’re the evolved version of the kid who wore the flame shirt to the Year 6 disco. You can be caught drinking Red Stripe and wearing a bucket hat when you’re at Boomtown. Talking about weed has become a huge part of your personality just like Adam Sandler films and Rick and Morty.

Tie Dye

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Fucking hell we have a VSCO girl on our hands. Tighten that scrunchie and have a gander at what I am about to say.

You only shop at Hollister, Gilly Hicks and Victoria Secret despite being a literal adult. During school you had those Hollister bags with the half-naked men on them which you used to carry your PE kit and Charli body spray.

You’re all for saving the turtles but you’re also a huge advocate for drinking with a straw, even if it’s not metal, because like you say to all your mates at every party: “drinking through a straw reduces oxygen levels to your brain so you get drunk more.”

Brown

You saw the brown North Face puffer trend and you thought you’d take it a step too far. I’m sorry but the brown Crocs colour give the brand a bad name. It looks like you’re walking around with poo on your feet.

You aren’t Molly Mae and it doesn’t matter how many Starbucks cups you down – they’re not going to sponsor you.