From mother to borrower: Here is every type of King’s housemate ranked from best to worst

Living in student accommodation isn’t really about newfound independence, it’s about adjustment. Adjusting to different routines, different standards of cleanliness and the sudden realisation that not everyone was raised the same way.

At the start of the year you imagine wholesome flat dinners and spontaneous movie nights with a group chat that actually responds. In reality, what you really get is a mix of personalities that slowly reveal themselves over the first couple of weeks and make you question how you could possibly survive the year.

Whether you’re in Stamford Street, Julian Markham or somewhere slightly too far from campus to justify the rent, the same types always appear. So, here’s a ranking of every type of King’s flatmate from best to worst.

The mother

Every flat has one person who quietly keeps everything together. They keep the kitchen clean, regularly take out the bin and always have a pharmacy ready in their drawer when the flat comes down with an inevitable illness. When someone’s ill or stressed, they’re always the first to check in.

They don’t make a big deal out of it, they just get the job done. You don’t always say it, but everyone’s grateful for them making the university experience slightly more bearable.

The ghost

You don’t see them much, but you know they’re there. They leave early, come back late, and move through the kitchen quietly and efficiently. Sometimes, you realise you haven’t spoken to them in days and question if they dropped out without you realising.

They’re not distant, just independent. When you do run into them, you tend to breathe out a sigh of relief. It’s somewhat comforting knowing that they’re still around, as someone has to bring a calming energy to the flat.

The party animal

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They’re the reason the flat feels lively or loud. They know what’s happening every weekend and are always ready to go out. At first, it’s fun having people around, and feeling like your kitchen is the social hub.

Over time though, you start noticing how often you can hear white girl bangers blasting through the walls, when all you want to do is get your essay done. Living with them is never dull and requires a bit of stamina.

The borrower

They never mean any harm, but they constantly need something. Milk, oil, scissors, a charger, one egg, or even a teaspoon of sugar. They say they will replace it soon, and sometimes they do. Most of the time, however, they forget. Before you know it, a steady stream of small favours quietly add up.

You don’t mind helping out, but at some point you have to start guarding your shelf space a little more carefully. Otherwise, that chocolate you were saving for a rainy day may disappear mysteriously.

The ‘I’ll do it later’

This housemate is arguably the worst. They always plan to do their washing up, empty the dishwasher or take the bin out, but never do it immediately. Things slowly build up and before long someone else steps in in order to prevent an ecosystem from growing in the kitchen.

You like to believe it’s not intentional, just a different style of living. Still, by the end of term, this is the housemate that quietly tests everyone’s patience the most.

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