Ranking the seven worst queues on Lancaster University’s campus

Lancaster University queue: (noun) an abundance of students impatiently waiting for the same service, at the same time, with the same desperate need to be anywhere other than in the queue.

There are few things more frustrating than needing to pop into a shop between lectures and being hit by an unbelievable amount of students all having the same idea.

In an attempt to share our pain and show you you’re not alone in your anger, we’re ranking the seven worst queues on Lancaster University campus and advising you to avoid them at all costs.

7. Greggs

Greggs isn’t the worst queue on campus, but it’s definitely the most renowned. Maybe because it’s slap bang in the middle of campus and it’s pretty much impossible to miss. The reason the Greggs queue is at the bottom of our list is because you expect it. It’s not a shock and you definitely already factor it into your schedule. Still makes the list but it’s certainly not the most offensive.

6. Coastal

The worst part about the Coastal queue is its chaotic nature. No one can decide whether to queue alongside the shop or directly out into the Spine, which causes absolute chaos when people are bustling about between lectures. On top of that, the queue is usually at its biggest in the freezing cold when everyone just wants a hot drink.

5. Sugar

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PLEASE GET YOUR STUDENT ID AND ACTUAL ID OUT BEFORE YOU REACH THE FRONT OF THE QUEUE! We honestly don’t care how drunk you are; you have ONE simple activity to conduct which would make the queue go down much faster for the rest of us.

This doesn’t reach the top half of the list because you expect to have a queue outside of a nightclub, but when one simple action would make the queue significantly shorter, it had to be featured on here somewhere. 

4. Subway

The lunchtime Subway queue is the middest “worst” queue on campus because it’s either the best or worst one to be stuck in. Depending on the day, you can get a queue that goes down really quickly because everyone is a regular who comes pre-prepared with their order.

However, the majority of the time, you get an infuriating selection of people who behave like it’s their first day on Earth. You’re all acting as though “cheese and toasted?” is a harder question than your dissertation.

3. Library toilets

The library is truly one of the most beautiful study areas in the whole of Lancaster. Three floors with the sole intention of being pure lock-in territory. We could spend all day there (and have done so). However, there’s no worse way to be rewarded for your studious behaviour than having to queue for a lifetime before you can use a toilet.

It’s a treacherous activity to have to pack up your entire setup because the fear of leaving your entire ecosystem for the duration of the queue is too much. Not only that, when you finally get to the toilets, they’re usually absolutely disgusting. A well-deserved third place entry.

2. Underpass

The underpass queues take second place on this list, purely because of the CARNAGE they cause. No one respects the fundamentals of a queue. They’re usually about five people wide and just involve a lot of shoving to make it to the bus you want.

You queue for ages for a 100 because it looks like its the only one showing up then, just as you step foot on, a 1A pulls up and suddenly the whole queue legs it to the other end of the underpass. Absolute disasterclass.

Especially when it gets to a Friday evening and you add the Sugarbus into the mix, my Apple Watch has genuinely told me to be careful of how long I’m exposed to that volume level.

1. SPAR

Taking the gold medal for the worst queue in Lancaster University is – drum roll, please – the SPAR. More specifically: the midweek SPAR lunchtime queue. This queue takes up the entirety of an aisle and, sometimes, goes around the back of the shop as well. To make it worse, it’s completely hidden from view until you’ve picked up your meal deal and discovered the back of the line.

There’s always a rogue fresher who has decided to do a basket shop at the worst possible time as well. With everyone on main campus not bothering to trek down to Co-op, it looks like the nightmare of the SPAR queue will live to haunt Lancaster for all eternity.

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