Who at Birmingham Uni is on Santa’s naughty or nice list?

These are in fact direct instructions from the North Pole

11 hours ago

Ruby Howe | Features

As Birmingham gets into the swing of the festive season, we thought it was only right to collect candidates for the university’s nice and naughty lists. If I could, I would put the whole of Birmingham on Santa’s nice list, but I don’t have that power, and I am merely a messenger for the truth that Santa has delivered himself.

The Birmingham rats – Naughty

What a year it has been for the rats of Birmingham, plenty of rubbish to forage through and a variety of tipped-over bins to create a nice warm home in. I respect the hustle of rats infesting the streets, but I unfortunately cannot get behind it.

Library tuna-eaters – Naughty

If I ever became a law-maker, I would immediately legislate to make public tuna-eating in an enclosed environment illegal. Any stinky, divisive food like that should not be eaten in a collaborative environment, especially not at Christmas when the key message is “Joy to all”. I appreciate that tuna is a lifestyle for some (my dear housemate Hannah), but maybe keep that to your own homes, or at least take your lunch to the Green Heart.

Angel survivors – Nice

I hold the utmost respect for anyone who can survive till 4am at the Guild or at Circo until lights-on consistently. It is truly a feat, and if anyone tells you otherwise, they are wrong. You are the backbone of sports night culture and absolutely deserve an extra VK on Santa this year.

Old Joe – Nice

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Could Old Joe be anywhere other than the nice list this year and every year? It truly is the pride and joy of campus, with every single UoB student’s camera roll consisting of no less than a few hundred pictures of this majestic clock tower. It makes the Birmingham campus as iconic as it is, and I’m sure it will be loved for many Christmases to come.

Loud talkers in silent study spaces – Naughty

Talking loudly in the library should be treated as a kind of crime. Now, I understand a bit of chatter, but a full-blown conversation is a no-go in my opinion. There are probably final years sitting on the verge of tears next to you while you are loudly debriefing your Wednesday night on the second floor of the library. This may push a fragile student in assessment season (me) over the edge, and unfortunately, that lands you a prime spot on Santa’s naughty list.

Aldi Selly Oak employees – Nice

These employees are true heroes. I have never seen the Selly Oak Aldi remotely quiet, and around the clock, students are filling the aisles trying to pick up their weekly essentials and sweet treats. You guys truly deserve a break when the students have departed Birmingham, and the nice list is all yours.

Circo queuers – Nice

The bravest among us all, those battling the rainy, cold UK winter waiting in a never-ending queue to enter the pearly gates of a Circo Friday, truly deserve a nice gift this festive season. The commitment to this night out is unmatched, even on a Monday. Maybe Circo-goers can ask for a nice waterproof for the queue, as it doesn’t seem to be shortening anytime soon!

Attendance code warriors – Naughty

Admittedly, I do respect the hustle and confidence to ask for every single lecture and seminar code every week, but at this point, I fear, it’s gone too far. That one person in the year group chat who asks for every code, unfortunately, will end up on UoB’s naughty list. Maybe consider putting “attend a lecture” on your 2026 New Year’s resolutions? It might end up being interesting!