Your Durham college, your awful X Factor audition

Realistically, this is our most far-fetched and absurd article we’ve published yet. But if, like me, you grew up watching awful X Factor auditions on repeat, this is definitely the article for you. From a slightly oblique perspective, the unique collection of vibes in the compilation of the shows’ angriest and most questionable contestants certainly mirrors the distinct vibes of the Durham colleges. Here’s what your college would look like if you decided to sign up to the UK’s most sorely missed and deeply questionable television:

Castle – George

Bad attitude from erroneously thinking he is better than everyone else. Sound familiar? x

@lifegotworld

pt3 already up #agt #americasgottalent #bgt #britainsgottalent #xfactor #singing #singer #fight #arguement #embarrassing

♬ original sound – Life Got World

Collingwood – All night long

Carefully selected to represent your passionate emphasis on physical activity. This man is certainly doing a whole lot of moving. Looks a bit like a Collingwood sports social when it gets to Jimmy’s.

@its_a_no_from_me2853

He looks so confident at the end😂 #funny comedy #badxfactor #xfactor #foryou #foryoupage #fy #fyp 

♬ original sound – its_a_no_from_me2853

Grey – Lorraine

I’ve included this one twice – Edna is definitely giving Ustinov. However, choir singer Lorraine is serving major Grey vibes: Completely unbothered, very calm, and slightly out of the loop.

@mistaiah

bless. who remembers this? #xfactor #ukxfactor #simoncowell #audition #gosh #fyppp #mistaiah

♬ original sound – x.i.x

Hatfield – Michael

You can have this icon because he’s got almost as much confidence and self-belief as you do. If Hatfield wins at nothing else, it’s having an absolutely bulletproof self concept. And yes, anyone who disagrees is just two-faced.

@videoofficialx

#britainsgottalent #uk #britaingottalent #british #britishhumour #michaeljackson #xfactor #talent #singingchallenge #xfactorglobal

♬ original sound – Video Official ✔️

South – Mackenzie

About the same age as South to be honest. Established in 2021, Durham’s newest college is only five years old but is certainly spirited… Plus, this is a pretty niche audition – it definitely hasn’t made as much of a cultural impact as Rachel or Ablisa. Kind of like South.

@videoofficialx

#duet with @ⒷⓇⒾⓉⒾⓈⒽⒷⒶⓃⓉⒺⓇ #xfactor #talent #kids #kidsoftiktok #funny #britainsgottalent #newcastle #geordie #americasgottalent #singing #worstauditions #diva #thevoiceuk #amazing

♬ original sound – ⒷⓇⒾⓉⒾⓈⒽⒷⒶⓃⓉⒺⓇ

Josephine Butler – Holly

Holly’s audition is actually an underrated fave. Like Josephine Butler, she’s just trying to slay but everyone keeps shattering her dreams. Bit selfish of us all, really.

@teiganish

⭐️ The 2008 X Factor judging panel meets holiday camp singer Holly Jervis 😂 #xfactor #simoncowell #danniiminogue #cherylcole #louiswalsh #camp #campy #kitsch #kitschy #noughties #2000s #00s #popmusic #nostalgia #realitytv

♬ original sound – Teigan Reamsbottom

John Snow – Debbie

Not even bad to be completely honest. Like, the woman can kind of sing. This is our pick for John Snow because it’s actually a pretty good college – it just has a slightly haunting vibe and mysterious aura…

@tvclips2344

#x#xfactor #xfactorglobal #xfactoraudition #simoncowell #sharonosbourne #louiswalsh #fyp #viral #foryoupage #funny #debbiewilliams

♬ original sound – Tvclips2344

St. Aidan’s – Ottavia and Bradley

The joke wrote itself with this one, I can’t lie…

@loveofhuns

#xfactor #xfactoruk #simoncowell #nicolescherzinger #sharonosbourne #louiswalsh #fyp #foryoupage #uk #british #icon #uktv #rawchicken

♬ original sound – loveofhuns x

St. Chad’s – Kelly

Some of the stories I’ve heard from Chad’s make this an easy pick. I can never tell whether I want to be in Chad’s or whether I am so lucky not to be, because this is where the DRAMA is at – hence a piece from a compilation of the rudest auditions in X factor history. This is the kind of interaction I think goes on in that quad when other colleges aren’t looking.

@realitytvhun

He wants to go to the pub, basically x #xfactor #realitytv #veryveryharsh #funny #badsinger #iconic

♬ original sound – realitytvhun

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St. Cuthbert’s – Ablisa

This one was chosen for the cousin rivalry (actually, sibling OR friend rivalry, because according to Simon Cowell you can only be mates or sisters) akin to the prison / Bailey divide. Kind of iconic, to be honest.

@ukiconsonly

An iconic duo😂👊🏼👊🏼 #ablisa #ablisaxfactor #xfactor #xfactorauditions

♬ original sound – iconicmoments

St. Hild and St. Bede – Ariel

A little edgy, a little unpredictable, kind of mysterious. Ariel’s audition is the most Hild Bede-core by far. Like Hild Bede, Ariel’s audition is well-known but constantly overlooked for other auditions like Rachel’s and Ant and Seb x

@xfactorzone

nah but fr this woman was scary 🤣💀 #xfactor #fyp #viral #funny #entertainment #tvshow

♬ original sound – xfactor

St. John’s – Tequila!

From a certain perspective, John’s is a pretty irrelevant college. Mainly because it’s so small and unproblematic. This audition is mostly silent, with the occasional “tequila” – it kind of mirrors every other college’s approach to John’s: Completely forgetting about it then remembering it’s actually dead nice maybe once a year. Like this man, John’s are the masters of powerful silence.

@momentsatisfaisants

Tequila ! #tequila #music #americasgottalent #viral

♬ son original – Dr.Santiago

St. Mary’s – In the Jungle

It just looks like something out of a Mary’s Bar social to be honest. Returners dressed as weird cheetahs.

@xfactor901

In the jungle? 😂😂😂 #fyp #xfactor #funnyaudition #funnytiktok #foryoupage❤️❤️

♬ original sound – xfactor

Stephenson – Zoe

Whether you believe it or not, something mad was likely going on with the editing on this audition. The same thing can be said for Stephenson, who are constantly framed as boring and irrelevant. In reality, this is one of the soundest colleges around (the fact that it’s as high up the hill as the Everest summit aside).

@hooch316g

@Zoe Alexander UK #fyp #viral #pink #xfactor

♬ original sound – Hooch

Trevelyan – Ant and Seb

This just seems like the kind of interaction that would occur in Trevs bar. Ant and Seb are actually quite iconic but exude an undeniably goofy aura. Just like Trevs.

@emntktk

#funny #comedy #xfactor

♬ original sound – emny

Ustinov – Edna

I don’t know if it’s because she’s old or because she’s so angry at everyone around her. Maybe both. Either way, Ustinov gets Edna for being postgrads and for being completely over the rest of our drama.

@goodfindztt

“Sinon you want to alter your ways” 🤣🤣 #funny #throwback #xfactorauditions #simoncowell

♬ original sound – goodfindztt

Van Mildert – Rachel

Honestly, I truly believe Van Mildert is an underrated college. It seems really fun and everyone I’ve met from Mildert is an icon. So that is why they are getting Rachel, because she’s perhaps the most famous X Factor diva around. Justice for Mildert. Also, the chill vibe of Mildert is giving “nothing, I’m lazy at the moment.” And the people of Mildert kill it at karaoke (“whatever song you want me to sing I’ll do it…”).

@mistaiah

The legendary Rachel. 🤦‍♂️ #fyp #xfactoruk #xfactor #gosh #mistaiah #fyppp #foryoupage

♬ original sound – x.i.x

Featured image via TikTok and Instagram. 

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