‘I felt guilty for struggling’: Why I don’t regret leaving Edinburgh University’s Medical School

I didn’t grow up dreaming of becoming a doctor, but when I was accepted into Edinburgh Medical School, it felt like I was doing what I was supposed to do.

I had strong grades and, like many students in that position, was encouraged to “aim high” by both teachers and family members.

Medicine seemed like the logical choice, and I convinced myself that the necessary passion would come later.

Many medical students spend years preparing for this opportunity, often without a doubt or backup plan in mind. Unfortunately for me, that drive never came.

From the very beginning, I felt behind and slightly lost. Many of my peers came from families of doctors, knowing exactly where they wanted to be in 10 years.

They seemed to carry a sense of confidence that I struggled to match. This added to the challenge, having gone from one of the top students in school to feeling like I was barely treading water.

No matter how hard I tried, it felt like I didn’t quite belong.

The course itself was far more intense than I had imagined. The workload was relentless, and I constantly felt pressure to perform—not just academically, but emotionally.

There was this silent competition, not just in grades, but in how composed and in control you appeared.

Everyone around me seemed to be coping, and I felt guilty for struggling.

Despite it all, I passed first year after the August re-sit exam diet. On paper, I was doing fine. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t enough to keep me there.

The emotional toll was overwhelming. I spent so much time battling with imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and burnout, that I stopped listening to what my body was telling me.

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The realisation that medicine wasn’t for me didn’t come easy. It came slowly, through exhaustion, vast amounts of reflection, and a growing feeling that I was pushing myself in a direction that didn’t feel right.

Leaving medical school was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. It meant walking away from a course with such a clear career path.

I was worried I’d be seen as someone who gave up or simply didn’t have what it took. But looking back now, I know if I hadn’t left then, that desire still wouldn’t have came.

To anyone else who is unsure of their path, know that it is okay to change direction. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit what isn’t right for you, and start again.

I was fortunate to be able to transfer directly into second year and pursue neuroscience, a subject that now genuinely excites me.

But even if I’d had to start again from first year, it still would have been worth it. Finding something that truly aligns with who you are is never a step backwards.