Every Russell Group uni as a meal deal: A very scientific analysis based on vibes

Ah, the humble meal deal, saving countless students from actually having to learn to cook. Since it’s obviously possible to dissect someone’s entire personality from their meal deal choices, here is every Russell Group uni’s essence encapsulated into a meal deal combo. Note: this is an extremely scientific and accurate analysis.

University of Birmingham

Main: All day breakfast sandwich

Snack: Salt and vinegar McCoys crisps

Drink: Red Bull

I’ve picked Red Bull in honour of the giant mechanical bull at the Birmingham train station, and because no Brum student can make it through back-to-back lectures without at least two Red Bulls. The carb-heavy food items are medicinal, to line your stomach ready for the caffeine and sugar explosion.

University of Bristol

Main: Falafel and hummus bowl

Snack: Dried strawberries

Drink: Some kind of neon-coloured smoothie

Everyone knows that Bristol is for basic b*tches who think they’re really edgy and hip because they listened to one Stevie Knicks song once. Nothing screams #notlikeothergirls quite like eating bland Sainsbury’s falafel for lunch.

University of Cambridge

At lease Cambridge looks nice

Main: Chicken salad bowl

Snack: A pot of apple slices

Drink: Water

About a third of Cambridge students study natural sciences, so logically speaking a lot of them should go for the most natural and scientifically-beneficial meal deal. This meal deal combo includes plenty of greenery and minimal tase.

Cardiff University

Main: Bacon sandwich

Snack: Roast beef McCoy’s crisps

Drink: Full fat normal original bog standard regular non-Diet non-zero Coke

Most Read

Love Island finalist Ron Hall has a new girlfriend – and it’s an Islander he was in the villa with!

Nathan breaks silence on MAFS UK split and reveals Lacey left him ‘heartbroken’

Omg, one of the MAFS UK couples has ‘secretly reunited’ to ‘give relationship another go’

Since Cardiff is the only Russell Group Uni in Wales, I’ve gone for the most generically Welsh meal deal possible. There is certainly no shortage of cows around Cardiff, so maybe students there are more likely to eat them powdered up on crisps?

Durham University

You can practically smell the Chanel perfume from here
(Credit: Jocelyn Ramm)

Main: M&S Orzo and slow roasted tomatoes salad

Snack: M&S King Prawns with a Cocktail Sauce

Drink: M&S Pomegranate, hibiscus and bergamot iced tea (I didn’t even make that up)

Durham is the most private school Russell Group Uni. 39.1 per cent of Durham students went to private schools, according to the Times Good University Guide. So, I’ve gone for the most private school lunch combo that I can think of. Durham students probably have too much money to care that the above items actually aren’t available together as a meal deal option and so cost them about fifteen quid.

University of Edinburgh

Main: Warm cheese and onion pasty out of the hot cabinet

Snack: Spicy Doritos

Drink: Bad supermarket coffee included in the meal deal

Edinburgh is one of the coldest places in the UK. Hopefully these hot meal deal items, and hot-tasting Doritos, will keep them warm long enough to write an essay or two.

University of Exeter

Is liking Cricket and Le Creuset one of the entry requirements?
(Credit: Chessie Gunner)

Main: Upgraded Waitrose smoked salmon sandwich

Snack: Sea salted lentil crisps that taste how Holland & Barrett smells

Drink: Peach iced tea

Everyone knows that Exetaaaaaaah is a dumping ground for private school pupils who spent too much time playing lacrosse on horseback to get the grades needed for a better Uni. I’ve gone for posh with a seaside theme, in honour of the Uni’s closeness to Exmouth beach.

University of Glasgow

Main: Extra meaty chicken and bacon sandwich

Snack: Mars Bar

Drink: Iron brew

I feel like Edinburgh Uni is for high-achieving English students who didn’t get as many A*s as they promised their parents they would and wound up in Edinburgh through Clearing. Meanwhile, Glasgow Uni has more students who are actually from Scotland. So, I’ve gone for the most stereotypically Scottish meal deal combo I can think of.

Imperial College London

Main: A chicken wrap with the wrap made out of egg not carbs

Snack: Those little pots of boiled eggs and spinach that cost like £4

Drink: Plain bottled still water

This meal deal is as soulless as an Imperial College London STEM student. I’m assuming their only hobby is going to the gym, so they’ll be eating disgusting protein-packed items ready for a weight lifting workout they learned on YouTube but pretend they thought of themselves.

King’s College London

Main: Sushi

Snack: Walkers crisps

Drink: Matcha in a can

King’s College London is for middle class English students who want to be cultured and international and urbane but actually stick to socialising with the same people they’ve known since secondary school. Hence the combination of sushi and basic Walkers crisps.

University of Leeds

Main: Plant-based hoisin duck salad bowl

Snack: Dried pineapple

Drink: A can of blueberry matcha

Leeds students like to think of themselves as edgy and trendy (or more edgy and trendy than Exeter students, anyway). This was the coolest meal deal combo I could think of. The blueberry matcha will help cure their hangovers after an all-night rave.

University of Liverpool

Main: BLT

Snack: Mini pork pies

Drink: 7Up

I have no clue if Scousers eat any of these things more than the average UK Uni student, but the friends I asked certainly seemed to think they do, so here we are.

London School of Economics & Political Science (LSE)

You’ve got to be economically-minded to live in the money-sucking machine that is London
(Credit: Pebble Barling)

Main: Co-op tomato basil and chicken pasta

Snack: Co-op millionaire shortbread

Drink: Co-op 250ml bottle of Innocent strawberries and bananas smoothie

Logic dictates that all the finance students at LSE would go for the most economical meal deal option – the one that gets you the most expensive items for the least amount of money. According to this Save the Student article, this is the most cost effect meal deal combo. You get £8.50 of stuff from the Co-op for just £3.50 (if you’re a Co-op member).

University of Manchester

Main: Sausage roll

Snack: Prawn cocktail crisps

Drink: Monster energy drink

Manchester is one of the few cities in the UK with any kind of vague nightlife left in 2024. Manchester Uni students are known for spending more time in the club than in the library. I’m picturing that this meal deal is preparation for a big night out – plenty of carbs and caffeine.

Newcastle University

Main: Triple layer bacon sandwich

Snack: Cheese and onion crisps

Drink: Coke

The main things I know about Newcastle are that it’s in the north and people there actually leave their bedrooms to go out. So this meal deal is a slightly bland, slightly Northern, slightly pre-clubbing carby and caffeinated meal deal.

University of Nottingham

I’m sorry, but Nottingham just gives off carnivore vibes
(Credit: Pebble Barling)

Main: Hoisin duck wrap

Snack: Peperami

Drink: A canned strawberry milkshake with a cow on the front

Nottingham is home to loads of vet students, who generally enjoy eating loads of different animals. This meal deal option incorporates the corpses of multiple farmyard creatures.

University of Oxford

Main: Spicy chicken wrap

Snack: Pot of pineapple

Drink: Almond iced coffee can that tastes of toilet water

Oxford students all develop some kind of God complex and believe that their mediocre essay on 15th century French philosophy is somehow vital to the survival of humanity. So, I think their time is too precious to waste on something as trivial as a meal deal selection. They grab the first, most obvious item on the shelves and cycle off to some useless seminar.

Queen Mary, University of London

Queen Mary University of London is in the east end of London, so the students there are probably too cool to get a meal deal from Tesco. I reckon they have lunch at a unique kebab market stall in Shoreditch that they’re praying TikTok won’t discover and ruin.

Queen’s University Belfast

Main: Rainbow salad

Snack: Pot of strawberries and grapes

Drink: Bright pink raspberry and apple smoothie

Queen’s University Belfast has one of the prettiest campuses that I’ve seen (in an Instagram post, anyway). So for that reason, I’ve given it the kind of aesthetically pleasing meal deal that you’d find in a stock image on Pinterest. The bright colours of the rainbow salad will compensate for the dark and gloomy weather.

University of Sheffield

Main: Cornish pasty

Snack: Twix

Drink: Pepsi max

Sheffield has a higher than average amount of trainee doctors, and its a universal truth that medical students are the least healthy out there. This was the most calorific combo I could think of, which a doctor would never tell you to eat, but would munch under the desk while you watch TikToks in the waiting room for five hours.

University of Southampton

You can’t escape the stench of the sea in Southampton
(Credit: Pebble Barling)

Main: Tuna mayo sandwich

Snack: Ready salted Walkers crisps

Drink: Lucozade

I’m sorry Southampton, but the whole city kind of smells like a tuna mayo sandwich. Maybe it’s the combination of the sea and the fumes from the motorway? Ready salted crips feel both nautical and bland.

University College London

Let’s be real: UCL students aren’t buying meal deals. They all live with their parents in Zone 4 of the London Underground in order to avoid paying the extortionate rents in London. So, they’ll be eating a sandwich their parents made them. With sourdough bread from Gail’s, of course.

University of Warwick

Main: Soulless cheese sandwich

Snack: Monster munch

Drink: Can of watery coffee

I did ask a recent grad from Warwick Uni what meal deal item most embodied the spirit of Warwick Uni, and she said that Warwick was boring enough to be a basic cheese sandwich. Monster munch is a favourite choice of STEM students who haven’t developed the social skills to understand that monster munch crisps are not an an acceptable meal deal choice beyond the age of five.

University of York

Main: Sun-dried tomato pasta salad

Snack: Carrot sticks and hummus

Drink: Raspberry and pomegranate smoothie

I have been informed that York is like Durham but a bit less far North and a bit less posh. So I’ve gone for a slightly less boogie version of the Durham meal deal.

Related articles recommended by this author:

• The price of a Tesco meal deal is going up AGAIN and I genuinely can’t take much more
• Bottoms up! These are the Russell Group unis with the most pubs in 2024
• We asked ChatGPT to roast every Russell Group uni and it was disturbingly accurate