Which campus wildfowl is your college?

Don’t let this ruffle your feathers


York is famous for its campus wildlife. There is a Twitter account called ‘Duck of the Day’ which has been updated with alarming regularity since 2009, our University Challenge team’s mascot is called Jeremy Quacksman and you can get kicked out of the university for killing a goose on campus.

For better or worse, you really can’t escape them. So what better way to appease our feathered over-lords, than dedicating a whole article to them?

Derwent – Mallard duck

Derwent has to be the mallard duck. On the outside it’s pretty bloody grim and bog standard but when it comes to personality and quirkiness then you’re on to a winner. Often found in strange places, generally getting in the way of people and making a racket, you love to hate them but in reality they’re mostly everyone’s favourite campus critter. Mallards are social animals and prefer to congregate in groups, much like Derwent students. They are also known for their slightly dubious mating rituals, but we won’t go into that.

Halifax – Snow Goose

Most people like this goose, it’s a nice pretty colour and the offspring it produces are normally fairly attractive as well. Apart from the odd nutter that has to be cordoned off, they are normally of a fairly placid composure making friends all over the shop. They also seem to appear on campus at weird times, it’s almost as if they get in at the last minute through clearing.

James – Canada Goose

Trotting about in your little cliques, on the whole you’re generally quite laid back. On closer inspection though you do have just as much shabbiness as the other geese only you’ve managed to cover it up a bit with those fancy bits. God help you if you go near the JCNC goslings, there’s a high chance that the big boys are going to flap their wings and make a fuss. You’re also likely to be found wearing a coat of the same name.

Vanbrugh – Coot

You’re alright, you get by keeping out of people’s way and doing your own thing. No one’s got anything amazing to say about you but then again no one’s got anything too shit either.

Alcuin – Goose

No one really knows what you are, you’re just kinda there. A weird mix of ugly grey with a few speckles of white. I don’t even know what they’re called.

Goodricke – Grey Heron

You just kind of sit there, looking nice, but you can’t really tell as no one’s ever paid much attention to you. This has annoyed you and the few times you’re seen, or noticed, you can often be found killing ducklings. The dick of the wild fowl world.

Langwith – Moorhen

Like the Canada Goose you do look quite nice at first glance, with your pretty beak, however, you’re actually a bit grim with your weird shaped feet and annoying noises. Don’t try and take on the Derwent ducks at quacking on the bus it’s just embarrassing.

Constantine – Flamingo

Constantine is a flamingo, yes they’re not seen around much on campus but then again are Constantine students? Yes they look pretty but at the end of the day all a flamingo does is sit there on one leg looking nice not contributing a huge amount, much like Constantine College. Except of course, Usman Khan.

Wentworth – Greater Crested Grebe

Well what can I say, Wentworth is without a doubt the Greater Crested Grebe. No one really knows what it is, where it is and every so often each year it attracts a bunch of weird old people. The only difference with them is that they’re taking photos and not post grad degrees.