I only drink red wine on nights out

Even at the worst of times, when your bank account is about as full as your fridge, you don’t have to resort to the trashiest of beverage choices. How do you still look sophisticated when you only have a tenner left in you overdraft to get you smashed? Simple: red wine.

It’s week nine of spring term and everyone is sucking down Tesco Value cider, with that one guy trying to knock up a “cocktail” with Aldi lemonade, some Ribena nicked from another housemate and some bizzare spirit their mum gave them at Christmas. I’ve flirted with these attractive options (and flirted with many more), but my heart has never truly been it.

No, I am a red wine drinker.

When someone casually drinks a glass of red wine, they are immediately considered a sophisticated person of class. An intelligent thinker who can have a genuine discussion about politics that doesn’t centre around the fact that David Cameron may have shagged a pig. Someone who has their life together, who can balance a healthy social life, daily trips to the gym and a 2:1.

This is the image I hoped to cultivate for myself at uni: I ultimately failed, but at least  I can pretend this is who I am whilst drinking away my sorrows.

The epitome of class

There’s the common misconception that cheap red wine is vile, and you’d have to spend a significant amount on a bottle just to mask the taste of tannin on your tongue. But even the £4.99 bottles from Nisa are more respectable than a 350ml bottle of Glenns that tastes like paint stripper.

Furthermore, the comfortable level of inebriation found from drinking red wine lasts for the whole night, whereas a bottle of vodka at the same price could land me in hospital. Sure, the vodka would be of optimum efficiency when it comes to the pre-lash, but I’d much rather have the subtle notes of black cherry and plum instead of a burning reflux.

Only £4.99 a pop

The only downside to my drink of choice are the dreaded red wine lips – a classic sign identifying all wine drinkers alike. My immaculate lipstick at the start of the night is near unrecognisable by the time we reach Revs, and the tagged group photos the next day making all my friends look like they’re stood next to the Joker.

Regardless, I’ll take red wine over cheap vodka any day.