York falls six places in league table

In an unprecedented and completely reliable turn of events, The Guardian’s 2016 League Table has seen York drop six places since last year.

York’s 2015 rank was 16th, and we have now plummeted to a dreadful 22nd.

Among those above us are our arch nemesis, Lancaster, and 21 other universities including Loughborough, Sussex and UEA.

Although it’s unclear how the likes of Heriot-Watt University (where? what? who called it that?) have managed to push us down to such a lowly position, we’ve still left Newcastle, Nottingham and Manchester in the dust.

York scored 85.9 on student satisfaction for course, and 88.8 for student satisfaction for teaching, while predictably Cambridge aced the table with 90.6 and 92.4 for those scores respectively.

Someone must be paying them to lie. Nobody can be that happy.

Granted, not a university building, but way cooler than Lancaster’s buildings anyway

Our “career after 6 months” score is just 74.7 compared to Lancaster’s more impressive 78.7.

Apparently, LSE is also failing in its most important field. Portsmouth, UEA and Kent are allegedly better universities to go to for Economics than the London School of Economics. Seems legit.

It’s also generally not very clear how they actually work out this stuff. The category named “Average Entry Tariff” is naturally going to put Cambridge at the top of every table, which seems totally fair and reasonable. Not.

Overall, what must be remembered here is the most important category: “waterfowl density,” in which we’d undoubtedly excel.

And “university building that looks most like a spaceship?” Hell yeah.