Elvyn’s new Christmas jumper is a masterpiece of contemporary fashion

Elvyn have released a new exclusive Christmas jumper and it’s possibly the best thing ever made.

The release of the jumper coincides with this afternoon’s annual Christmas Jumper Day, during which the SU raises money for Save the Children. Once again, the university will try to secure another world record for the largest gathering of people wearing Christmas jumpers in one place.

But the real winner here is Elvyn’s showpiece.

The only Xmas jumper to wear this year

Every Christmas these jumpers receive a torrent of abuse, but do they really deserve it? Sure, we all wish we were the Grinch – he’s funny, green and has a sick lair – but we’re not. Everyone loves Christmas, and that’s just the way it is.

But more importantly there’s a Cindy Lou in all of us, and each year there’s a certain something that brings her out. This year it’s not the John Lewis advert, but the Elvyn Richards Christmas jumper.

At first glance you may dismiss it as a misguided and poorly designed piece of cloth created by a seven-year-old in their primary school art class. But look deeper and the whole thing starts to make sense.

It’s shit, I mean it’s really shit, but there’s still something oddly compelling about it. It’s hard to know exactly what, but perhaps its undeniable awfulness is the reason it’s so great.

Thousands turned up for Christmas Jumper Day

Just look at the colour. It’s definitely a Christmassy green – but more the dying, sickly shade a Christmas tree takes around mid-January when no-one can be arsed to take it down.

Then there’s the wonderfully basic and weird design. Is that an elephant on the front? Of course it is. Why wouldn’t there be? It might be their hall logo, but there’s a more important reason: after all, the elephant has been the poster-child of festivity for centuries now, and it only seems right Elvyn should be the ones to continue this long-standing tradition.

And who could criticise the beautifully plain message: Merry Christmas Elvyn. It’s bare and stripped to the bone, but perfectly captures the raw unaffected joy of Christmas. All the best lines are clear and to the point anyway.

Above all the jumper is simple, fun, quirky and sends a big fuck you to all the Scrooges out there – surely that’s what Christmas is all about, right?

Until now, I always believed Will Ferrell when he told me that the best way to spread Christmas cheer was by singing loud for all to hear. He obviously never wore the Elvyn Richards Christmas jumper.