Apparently my degree is worthless

Jarrad Redkwa hits back at Luff MP Nicky Morgan who said an arts degree could “hold you back for the rest of your lives”.

I watched Fireman Sam as a kid and I wanted to be a fireman. “Yeaaah I wanna drive around in my big red truck with my best mates going neee naww neee naww and put out fires and rescue cats from trees”.

But then I turned seven and became obsessed with diggers instead.

I watched the Wolf of Wall Street last year. Then I wanted to be a stockbroker. “Yeaaah I wanna drive around in my big white Lamborghini and take shitloads of drugs and fuck loads of prostitutes and make loads of money, who even cares about morality? As long as I’m making bank, fuck everyone else, I wanna snort cocaine off a prostitutes arse”.

After about an hour I abandoned that too. I don’t really like Lamborghinis that much.

Maybe I’m just impressionable. But whatever, I’m not sat here to write my autobiography. The point I’m trying to illustrate is this: who can honestly say for sure what they want to do. When I say “do”, I of course mean what career to pursue.

I wandered around the latest uni careers fair like a lost sheep. Sensing my vulnerability, I was approached by a man who said “Hey! Have you considered a career at [insert multinational corporation]?”

“Erm, no not really” I mumbled. He seemed hurt. So I feigned interest.

I ended up leaving with a booklet full of pictures of people with obscenely white teeth, a pen that would prove to run out after 3 days and the depressing knowledge that I had none of the skills they were looking for. Even though I didn’t want a job there, it made me sad.

I went home in a sulk. Why on earth did I choose this degree? After some soul-searching with a cup of tea I came to a conclusion. I chose to do an English degree because I thought I’d be good at it, and it looked interesting. That’s about it.

There was no great epiphany or mysterious realization; I drifted into it because it felt natural. I’m glad I chose it, because it turns out to be the perfect degree for the career I want.

Liberal arts subjects generally get a pretty bad rap when it comes to employability. The Government doesn’t want me to do an English degree, they’d much prefer it if I studied Physics or Engineering.

I’m constantly told by sordid politicians that i’m working towards an increasingly irrelevant degree, and it’s getting quite grating.

I had a brief encounter with a Tesco’s delivery driver last week, which oddly enough triggered some more deep thinking about my career. After some average stranger smalltalk, he enquired “So what’re ye studdyin’?”

“English”, I said.

“Oh reet fair enough lad, so do yer wadne be a teacha?”

Whilst I mulled over how a Geordie bloke ended up in the East Midlands delivering my baked beans, I replied: “Nah not really, I hate kids, but my mate does though.”

He laughed: “Eye got nay sympathy fer teachas, always complaynin’, an’ they get fuckin’ ageees off”. I nodded my head in agreement and chuckled, failing to mention the fact my auntie’s one.

People don’t seem to understand what you do with an English degree, least of all English students. It’s a pretty sorry state of affairs when you find yourself trawling careers websites looking for the skills you apparently possess.

It turns out there’s a few: critical thinking, writing skills, analytical skills etc. It’s probably the only subject that lets you get away with putting down “excellent oral skills” on your CV.

Yes I sound like Alan Sugar, but it doesn’t matter what degree you study, if you’re ambitious enough and put the work in, you’ll make it anywhere.

So fear not fellow humanities students; employers actually do want the skills you possess, you just need to look in the right places.

Contrary to that smug mate of yours who does economics, you probably won’t end up working in Starbucks if you really don’t want too.