You can’t say you were a student in the pandemic unless you relate to 34/36 of these things

Welcome to a list of your issues (show this to your therapist later)

It’s been a year of lockdown, and let’s face it, not a lot happened. The only thing that did happen was all students had a load of deep, weird, very-specific experiences. Sometimes they’re funny. Most of the time this is stuff to drink to forget once clubs reopen.

Hopefully this will be a historical artefact one day, which you show to your grandkids to explain the struggle of why Covid was officially THE WORST.

Here is a definitive list of all the dodge stuff we’ve started doing after a year of only seeing five people who can’t judge us anymore.

1. Other people? Other people who?

It’s been a year, and the only people you’ve seen are your family or your housemates. No matter how great they are, now that it’s been six months, anyone outside of those groups are like unicorns to you: rarely seen but sound magical.

2. The housemate struggles are real

They’re either going to end up your worst enemies or your best friends. Or a mix of both. You love them yet at the same time you wish they were literally anyone else.

3. Pubs are the most important and forbidden place in the world

Other students have told you about them, you walk past their closed doors, but in the middle of Coronavirus they’ve started sounding like a myth.

4. A p-party? Club nights? What’re those?

It’s getting to the point where you would happily go to the shittest club, with the worst music and the creepiest guys. You start dreaming about going to someone else’s house and drinking without being scared of infecting someone or getting fined £££. Let’s face it, we’re all going to be hot messes like we’re freshers again when clubs reopen.

5. We’ve all basically become celibate

Too Hot to Handle got way too accurate way too fast. Except even they are having more sex than us. And no, I don’t want to hear about how you and your SO are having such a great lockdown together. Or your reunion sex if you were ever separated, thanks.

6. Face masks = the new fashion moment

Face masks have started being the first thing you look at when someone passes you. Especially since most of the time the rest of our ‘fits aren’t that great. Which leads me to the eternal question: Should I shell out £10 for a really cute pack of face masks, or will I not have to wear them anymore in a month?

7. Zoom lectures and seminars are the most awkward part of it all

There’s nothing sadder than seminars where tutors stare into the camera, hoping someone will unmute their mic and speak.  Academics are definitely the people who miss live lectures the most. And to the ones who always bring up Covid: it’s lovely that you appreciate how hard a time we’re having, but mentioning it every time just makes me feel worse.

At least this didn’t happen to you though…

@phoebeluci9sorry 4 exploiting u my sexy guest lecturer man, respectfully dropping out now #zoom #zoomuniversity #hisfacewent😲 #ScaryStories♬ Sexy Professor Zoom Fail – phoebeluci9

8. Trying to decipher lockdown rules is a lose-lose game

Am I breaking the law if I go to live in the place I am literally renting? How many people are allowed outside together at one time? Googling the lockdown rules takes up way too much energy when they barely make sense anyway.

9. You’re especially judgmental of Covid rule-breakers now

We all know that one person who’s spent the past year going to parties with a 100 people, then on holiday, spends 24/7 with their bf or gf, and never wear a mask. While you’re scared of getting fined for going out twice in one day, they’ve got so many stories of all the times police just ignored them. Are they anti-vaxxer? Nope, they’ll be queuing up for it with the rest of us. They’re just assholes.

10. Tesco, Lidl, Sainsbury’s and the library are the new places to be

Yes, I will put on winged eyeliner for Sainsbury’s. No, I am not ashamed. This is the most socialising I do all week, shut up. And needing a self-esteem boost? Wear your pengest clothes to the library.

11. Meeting up with people feels like you’re completing a heist

It’s totally within the rules but on the way, you make up an elaborate lie about how you’re definitely siblings.

12. Trying to get into the library like it’s an exclusive club

You’ll queue up for half an hour and be thankful for it. Then you’ll awkwardly shift desks twice to get away from everyone who’s not distancing or coughing or not wearing a mask, or all three.

13. You finally have to care about politics

If you didn’t get political over Covid, you might not have been paying attention. By now just about everyone has some opinion on how the gov and your uni’s administration handled it.

14. At one point we’ve all been the hot mess on Zoom

No one’s acc great at Zoom. Somehow you’re always late for something that’s happening in your own home. Then you have to move ten times just to get signal. It’s endlessly painful

However, if you want to hide how shite a year of lockdown made you look? Switch on those Zoom filters and get some good lighting; No one will know you actually woke up five minutes ago.

15. We’ve all experienced the ‘inappropriate Zoomer’

I’ve heard of people who’ve Zoomed naked, on the toilet, or while high. And then there’s the people who REALLY crossed a line. And here I was, scared of Zooming in my pyjamas. Which leads me to…

16. Judging everyone on your Zoom

Yes, it’s been a tough year, and we definitely shouldn’t do it, but it’s hard not to judge people on Zoom, especially the one with the unmade bed behind them? Or with the worst case of bed-head you’ve ever seen? But once you start doing it you get scared people are judging you, too. Which would be fair. And there’s only one way to avoid that…

17. Getting dressed up for Zoom

Why do I have my camera off? Because I’m putting on eye-shadow. These are the only people I’ve seen who aren’t my housemates every week: I need someone to think I have my shit together.

18. The mental health struggle is real

No one had a great time this year, and a lot of people had a really terrible time. It gets to the point where people start asking how you are and you admit you’re doing shitty. No funny evaluation for this one, just… sending good vibes to everyone reading this. Hope you’re all doing better now.

19. You have or you soon will queue hours for the vaccine

You wanna see dedication? See the students who are queuing for hours to get the vaccine across the UK. Yes, I woke up at 7am and was waiting for five and a half hours. Yes, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Also, you can make friends with the people in the queue next to you (shoutout to Uriel and Yani!).

20. You’ve experienced ‘Lockdown Brain’

You know you’ve been inside too long when ‘Tenet’ makes sense. Also, does anyone else have a weird blank space in their memory where half of last year should be??

21.Trying to recognise people with face masks on is a constant concern

It’s bad when you don’t realise it’s one of your friends. It’s great when they’re an ex.

22. All your books are only available in the library you can’t access

Oh, this book is exactly what I need for my exam? And I can only get it from the library? When I’m in a different city? Perfect.

23. The social media addiction set in a long time ago

There’s not really a good reason why I SHOULDN’T spend today on Twitter…

24. Hooking up with a housemates is even worse now

Don’t do it. Seriously, don’t. I don’t care that you’ve been celibate for a year, this is literally the worst idea ever. Yes, even worse than shaving all your hair off. Go do that first.

25. This is the perf time for a radical makeover

No one will see me anyway, so who cares if I shave my head/get a mullet/experiment with my makeup/dye my hair green?

26. There are some friends you’ve only seen on FaceTime

Honestly, by a certain point you won’t remember what they look like in 3D.

27. Hurray! We no longer get judged for staying in

Yeah, HAVING TO stay in sucks. But at some point you’ll enjoy staying in with Domino’s and Netflix without the FOMO.

28. You have watched ALL the TV and completed ALL the Netflix

So, what did you do over lockdown? Learnt a new language? Read all your course books? No, but you did watch most of Netflix. Let’s face it, the only other thing to talk about is Covid and hell no to that. TV became the social event of the last 18 months, since that was all any of us can do, and technically we’re making a noble sacrifice for your country. Watching Peter win ‘Bake Off’ was honestly one of the highlights of the year. Honestly, all the big events that aren’t totally depressing were on TV. Also, who’s still mad about Lawrence Chaney winning Drag Race?

29. Dishes are now the source of all house drama

Being inside the whole time means you can’t escape how disgusting your kitchen is. Meaning that the housemate who doesn’t do the dishes gets to be the outlet for all your pent-up rage.

30. In-house, themed parties have become revolutionary

Some of these are ac genius. Bar-crawl where each room is a different one? Hawaiian-themed party? Incredible.

Credit: Katelyn Mensah

Credit: Katelyn Mensah

31. You got a face mask in your freshers’ week goodie bag

Oh, great. Thanks. Way better than loads of drinks offers for clubs.

32. By this point you’ve forgotten how to talk to people

Yes, I can make words out of sentences. Turns out only talking to your family for months really shows.

33. Your room became your life

In there you study, sleep, eat, FaceTime your friends, watch TV – basically your whole life rn. Which makes focussing SO hard; Oh yeah, doing an exam with my phone next to me and my housemates talking outside my door is great for concentration.

34. You went home for lockdown and regressed immediately

Somehow as soon as you get home, your parents immediately forget that you spent the past year living on your own, and survived. Yes, home-cooked meals, less housework and no bigger rooms are great. Not ever being able to cook without your dad leaning over you and critiquing your stir-fry? Having to check how racy ‘Bridgerton’ is with your friends first? ‘Alone time’ feeling suddenly the most horrendously awkward thing you could do? Less great.

35. Learning that you can leave the house and somehow be broke five minutes later

I’m outside for the first time today. Lockdown could start again any minute. I WILL be spending £10 on cocktails and buying cute summer dresses I can only wear inside and just you try to stop me!

36. Missing out on so many great experiences

There are so many nights out, hook-ups, and amazing times with friends we’ve missed over the past year. Bring on the vaccine. And let’s all just accept now that Summer and next year are gonna be time for some major catch-up. Dissertation, what?

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