48 incredibly minor but also world-ending things that students hate

I bet you didn’t know that the 10 commandments have been updated since you learned about them at school. ‘Thou shalt not steal’ has now been updated to ‘Thou shalt not steal thy housemate’s milk’. There has also been an 11th commandment added: ‘Thou shalt learn how to wash away thy skid marks’. These updates were made thanks to extensive lobbying from a number of students.

It’s fair to say that students feel i n c r e d i b l y strongly about the things that they hate. So much so that this list is guaranteed to set blood boiling. Give it a read and you’ll see what I mean:

1. Having to order the group Uber

Some people go to bizarre lengths in order to avoid this like saying that they ‘don’t have Uber’ or they need a last-minute poo before the night out. Then, those same people promise to buy you a drink inside to pay you back. They. never. do.

2. Housemates having REALLY loud sex

Why does it always sound like a gruesome horror movie?

3. When your mate’s house is nice than yours, or their garden is cooler

They’re probably paying less than you are for it, too.

4. People who leave their washing-up to ‘soak’

Two weeks in cold slimy water will do sweet fuck all to your basmati rice by the way.

5. Circuit Laundry

This is not minor. I feel pure rage.

6. When someone is sick in your house at pres and you all spend the next day using one loo and pretending that you can’t smell it because no one wants to scrub stranger sick

Also, they probably did it at 10 pm. Are you 20 or 12?

7. That one housemate who never, EVER, cleans up after themselves

8. Or takes out the bins

9. So now you have a fruit fly infestation

10. People who cough excessively in lectures

I will literally put my hood up if they’re sat behind me.

11. When your milk goes lumpy before the expiry date

Honestly, what the hell is this about? I want my 80p back.

12. When one of your housemates finishes the last loo roll in the house and doesn’t even consider replacing it or even telling anyone about it

And you only realise after you’ve been sat on the loo for five minutes. Shower it is…

13. House viewings

Because it’s probably a Thursday morning so you’re lying in bed, half dead, dressed as a stuffed olive after sports night and now there are six freshers in your room staring at you with disgust.

14. People who never buy the communal washing-up liquid or loo roll or anything

So now you’re scrubbing your favourite frying pan with an old toothbrush and some handsoap, meanwhile, someone else is upstairs wiping their arse with the only clean tea towel.

15. Looking after a mate who massively overdid it a pres and not even receiving a ‘thanks’ the next day

THANKS FOR RUINING MY NIGHT.

16. Cupboard expansionism

Every time you open your cupboard door someone’s can of baked beans has edged an inch closer into your space.

17. The heating

Half of your housemates want it to be sauna vibes in their bedrooms whilst the other half want to see frost on their houseplants in the morning. Meanwhile, you’re just normal..?

18. People that never close their window or lock the door

19. Or who have lost their keys 18 times since March

Look, you might not care about your belongings but I do.

20. Housemates that lose their keys and then go on a night out and bang on the door at some ungodly hour to be let in

Sucks to be the front room on the ground floor.

21. Using tea towels to wipe down the surfaces or quite literally clean things

We invented cloths for a reason.

22. Loud typers

Why are you so AGGRESSIVE?

23. Loud Chewers

You people make ME aggressive.

24. Loud people in general

Like the guy next door that bought some second-hand decks and now thinks he’s a DJ.

25. Lecturers who speak really quickly

They’re probably the ones who don’t believe in podcasts too.

26. Queue jumpers

Whether you’re at a club, pub or even just the bus stop, they’re all the same. They’re all terrible.

27. People eating your food from the fridge

Stop. Being. So. Cheap. Buy. Your. Own. Cheddar.

28. Getting 1000 emails a day from uni

Sorry, but why are you sending me couscous recipes in the middle of a global pandemic?

29. Stingy people

“Hey guys, just a reminder that you still all owe me 53p for the bleach I bought last month! Xx”

30. Door slammers

We get it. You’re going to your 9am. How bloody brilliant.

31. Takeaway addicts

There’s nothing wrong with them other than the fact that they make the rest of us really, really jealous. We’re not all made of money.

32. Landlords

Usually they deserve it.

33. Rats

Because they’re rats. Obviously.

34. People using MY mug

I personally have a mug that is MY mug and I feel justified in my anger when other people not only use my mug but also leave it unwashed.

35. Unnecessarily rude bouncers

I only look guilty because you’re terrifying me.

36. When people pretend not to notice that the dishwasher needs unloading

That is, if you’re lucky enough to have one.

37. People who take ages getting onto the bus

It’s probably raining too.

38. When the lecture theatre is too hot

39. When the lecture theatre is too cold

40. 9ams

In reality, 9am isn’t even that early, but that won’t stop me from moaning about 9ams every day of the week.

41. People who shave in the shower and then leave their pubes EVERYWHERE

It looks like a gorilla had a quick scrub in there.

42. Meal Preppers

Either they ruin all your lovely little John Lewis tupperwares, or they leave it in the tin and take up your fridge shelf for the next week with their big ol’ dish of beef mince.

43. That housemate that put houseplants everywhere in September and then never looked at them again so not only are they all not dead, but they’re mouldy too

44. People who pack up before the lecture has finished

Now I can’t hear you inconsiderate bastard.

45. When your attendance counts towards your grade

And the lecture is a 9am.

46. People who think the library is for socialising

Shut. Up.

47. That one housemate that has ALL the glasses in their room

So now you’re doing shots of orange juice in the morning.

48. People that leave skid marks. AND THEN DENY IT

It’s like the concept of bleach is alien to them. DISGUSTANG.

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