I used Alex from Love Island’s chat-up lines on Tinder to see if I could get a date in the real world
I LOVE CARS
Lines like “I’m absolutely chuffed that you have picked me” and repeating the words “you have beautiful hair” may sound like they were spoken by a 40-year-old man in the corner of your regional hometown club on a Saturday night, but actually, they came from Alex from Love Island.
Yes everyone loves him and wants him to find the girl of his dreams, but his current chat-up lines are so bad there is no chance we will see him in the Hideaway any time soon.
But the question is, would these cringe one-liners work on the outside world on a dating app, which doesn’t require the person looking into your lizard eyes and sweaty red skin as you awkwardly say them out loud??
Being lonely and single, I thought sure, why not become Doctor Love for the afternoon? I’m not doing anything tonight, so why not see if anyone would want to take me on a date after admitting I stay up all night watching the votes come in during the general election?
I re-downloaded Tinder, re-jigged my profile to have a few love hearts, female doctor emoji and even a hospital emoji just in case anyone needed further proof I was a doctor of love. Using only either direct quotes from Alex in Love Island, or statements said in the style of the doctor, I started. And somehow, the guys didn’t back away like I thought they would:
Line number 1: “I’m absolutely chuffed that you’ve picked me”
My opening line had to be something so classic Alex that I could expect at least 50 per cent of my 20 new matches not to reply (this did happen). I settled on “I’m absolutely chuffed that you have picked me” as one of my openers, changing “picked” to “matched”. Overall it got a good response because they thought I was being politely modest – just like Alex!
Line number 2: “My wife’s coming in, the mother of my children”
Another bold statement I thought would put the cat amongst the pigeons, this was adapted to “I’m looking to find the father of my children”. Shockingly, laying it on thick got a pretty good reception, with men lining up how many children we were going to have. These first two guys literally went straight in and asked to meet up, making me optimistic for the road ahead:
Line number 3: “I love cars”
Alex blurted out “I LOVE CARS” then had the face of “wtf did I just say out loud????” during Ellie telling the boys she used to be car salesperson. At a random moment in the conversation, I decided to tell boys I matched with I love cars – most were unfazed:
The only cars I knew off the top of my head was a Volkswagen Polo and a Peugeot 206, and they don’t sound like the answers a car-fanatic would give. So I stopped messaging that guy.
Not even phased by my passion for cars, this guy clearly tried to keep the conversation going by agreeing with my love of vehicles and admitting he hadn’t even passed his test yet. How would he think our relationship could even work if he’s still holding a provisional?
Line number 4: General election chat
“You know when the election comes round? It’s a bit sad but I get a bit excited. I just wanna see when the votes come in – I’m that sad person who sits there.”
Alex either said this to Zara because he a) thought it would impress her because she works in Parliament, or b) thought he was finding some middle ground in their interests. Either way, for a girl with an Instagram like this telling her you sit and stare at a TV, watching David Dimbleby and Jeremy Vine getting excited over the results of Cardiff North at 4am isn’t going to make her think “I’ve gotta get him in the Hideaway”.
Unlike Alex who is going on a date with both Ellie and Zara tonight, I didn’t get very good results, with this guy who stopped chatting to me after about an hour of messaging:
This guy on the other hand didn’t see it as a fucking weird thing to say, telling me he stayed up for the Brexit referendum. Feeling confident I went straight in implying we should go on a date, but he didn’t seem keen:
Line number 5: Being proud of the work you have done in the past, even if that’s being a stripper
In an attempt to butter Megan up after finding out she had been a stripper in the past, Alex said: “I think it’s fantastic you have the confidence to openly admit you’ve worked as a stripper, because some people might have negative connotations or make judgement, but I think that shows such character and strength.”
Sadly I didn’t find any former strippers, just boys with normal jobs like accountants and engineers, which didn’t exactly fit the “negative connotations” Alex was alluding to:
You would have thought I would’ve lost him here – but I didn’t, he clung on, making me think you can literally say anything to boys on Tinder and they would not be fazed.
The next guy was an account manager in a software company – literally the other side to the spectrum to a stripper:
Line number 6: “When we matched I just thought ‘she’s absolutely stunning’. I thought you were absolutely beautiful. You’re a threat”
Another gem from when Alex was doing and saying EVERYTHING he had to try and impress Megan on their date in that big field. This line was used after the opener in my chats, just to give all the boys I’d matched with an ego boost. But using “beautiful” and “stunning” for a guy is far away from the usual adjectives of “hot”, “fit” or “beaut” but again – it seemed to work a treat:
Line number 7: “You’re a really beautiful girl, I’m just gonna be myself, have fun and let’s see what happens”
Similar to describing my matches as “beautiful” and “stunning”, I was thinking to myself: surely calling someone a beautiful BOY is going to bring up all sorts of red flags. Like who the fuck has ever described someone as a beautiful boy other than your nan around a new born baby?
This match clearly has a good head on him not replying to being called beautiful OR being asked if he likes ironing:
Line number 8: “You have beautiful hair”
Any matches who stick around after being told this are 100 per cent desperate or just plain odd:
Worst of all this bloke took it as a compliment AND gave me a kiss emoji even after I said it TWICE *throws up*:
I went into this thinking I would be banned from Tinder from being overly creepy, or that I’d never match again from the memories of being Dr Alex. But actually, Alex’s chat-up lines kind of worked, or at least none of my matches seemed overly phased by them. Maybe being unbelievably forward, honest and borderline weird with compliments including the words “beautiful” and “stunning” actually works on guys.
Sure I only secured two dates from two matches who probably thought I wanted to have sex with them ASAP after proclaiming them as the father of my future children, but that’s better than Alex is doing in the villa right now. If it wasn’t for my article deadline maybe more would’ve come through the pipeline with further compliments, discussions on favourite cars and children’s names, but I’ll have to make do with my two.