It’s time to accept it: Strongbow Dark Fruit is the best tinny out there

Roses are red, tonight will be beaut, and that’s because of Strongbow Dark Fruit

The time for the sesh has come, and what should be the drink of choice? But of course, it is the legendary Strongbow Dark Fruit. The silky matte feel of the can, or a pint masterfully pulled from the tap of the local public house slips into a trusting hand, and the night begins.

On an edgy night out, the choice is laid, Dark Fruit or Red Stripe? Surely, there is no competition, for who could resist the sweet, sweet nectar of a Strongbow Dark Fruit? Make your choice and be judged for eternity.

It’s so much classier than normal Strongbow

Normal cider is grim. Fact. It is only drunk at the age of fifteen when you didn’t know any better, or at an AU initiation where the choice is a two litre bottle, or death. There’s something about the colour change, from a sort of dull bronze to a proud, royal purple that ups the classiness of this majestic drink.

If the Queen drank cider, she would pick Dark Fruit, I’m quite sure of it.

Even when it’s a warm tinny it’s a delight

Unlike beer, Dark Fruit doesn’t taste like piss when drunk out of a warm can. It survives the elements, and still tastes damn fine when it’s been out of the fridge a few hours. I can’t say the same for our old friend, beer, I’m afraid – warm beer violates the senses, making you think: “Why didn’t I just get a Dark Fruit?”

For all occasions

For all occasions

Dark Fruits is edgier than Kopparberg

Kopparberg is way too sweet, the flavours too many, the vessel too breakable. Why choose this tacky mess when you could grace the beer garden with a whole lovely pint of Dark Fruit, or the park with a fruity bag of cans? Kopparberg is for people who think they’re classy, Dark Fruit is a well respected drink in society, for those who know what they want, and know exactly how to get it.

The sweet nectar is the fuel you need for any kind of night out

Strongbow Dark Fruit is the perfect beverage for any occasion. The park, house parties, barbecues, the pub (any pub automatically gets a 10/10 rating if it has DF on tap), or even a hearty breakfast at Spoons. “Oh shit, Jonny brought a big bag of Dark Fruits to the wedding, that’s not on”, SAID NO ONE, EVER.

You can drink it during all four seasons

Dark Fruit really is the drink of the summer. There’s nothing better than a cold pint of the good stuff when the sun’s beaming onto the crowded tables of the beer garden. It can also be enjoyed as a springtime sipper, as you watch the blossom bursting from the trees, an autumnal treat as you watch an early sunrise, or even warmed up in a mug by the fire for the festive period.

The colour makes it easy to drink on the sly

What better way to consume alcohol secretively than to choose a beverage of inconspicuous colour and flavour? On the last day of uni or school, just decant some Dark Fruit into a Ribena bottle, get lit with your pals, and no one’s any the wiser. Genius.

Drinkers of Dark Fruit are an absolute cult

The Facebook page, ‘Strongbow Dark Fruit Appreciation Society’ is an absolute goldmine. Featuring classic memes and all the lads drinking all the cans, it’s a testament to the Dark Fruit community.

The purple stuff is nicer than beer or water when you’re on it

When the sesh hits full swing, sipping on a warm beer or boring, boring water can put a dampener on the experience. Dark Fruit, on the other hand, not only gives you an essential sugar hit to keep you going, but it really tantalises the taste buds for added pleasure.

Bow down

Bow down

It’s a palette cleanser for your post-night out kebab

Once a hard night of drinking has been completed, and the takeaways are calling, nobody wants the lingering taste of vodka or beer on their breath. The sweet, crisp taste of a Strongbow Dark Fruit cleanses the palette ready for fried chicken, pizza, a kebab, or whatever else takes your fancy at 4am.

You can drink it on a hangover

Hair of the dog is a dangerous thing unless done correctly. It is a well known fact that a fry up and a tasty fizzy soft drink cure a hangover: so what if there was such a beverage which was also alcoholic? Well, sir, you’re in luck. Dark Fruit is the key to continuing the sesh. Goodbye hangover, hello good times.

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