I dated myself for a week

Because I am a catch


I’m single. Let’s just get that out of the way. But that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve all the fun of being in the dating world. The treats, the nights out, the little surprises, the fancy meals. I was sick of missing out. So I spent the week dating myself. As you do.

First date

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For the first date I decided to take myself somewhere fancy, y’know, start the relationship on a high. I wasn’t bothered about my makeup being perfect, but it looked pretty good. I didn’t feel under scrunity so I was happy to experiment with my outfit and my makeup. The extra time I would’ve spend shaving my legs or making sure my winged eyeliner was even, I put into making myself look nice for me. That’s not to say that I, in any way, make myself up or dress in a certain way for a date’s benefit, but I try to look my best when I feel nervous. I guess it’s one less thing to worry about.

I went to a nice restaurant and started off with a few expensive glasses of wine. So liberating. I didn’t have to worry about picking an expensive wine because I knew I would be paying for it. On a date I know i’ll be paying for it too, but he doesn’t, and he’ll probably be judging me the whole time for it. The food was great. The service was great, although some of the waiters looked slightly confused when they saw me alone. All in all, I can’t say I noticed anything except the amazing food. Seriously. Amazing.

So tasty that I forgot to take a photo before I started eating

So tasty that I forgot to take a photo before I started eating

When there’s food involved I’m pretty much switched off to everything else. I drank as much as I wanted because I wasn’t worried about making bad decisions, I ate as much as I wanted because I wasn’t worried about a food baby and I ordered loads of messy food because if it got all over my face, it’d just be a great laugh for the staff and I’m totally cool with that.

Second date

For my second date I decided to take myself to the theatre. I can’t go on real dates because watching bored guys pretend to enjoy theatre in the hope of getting sex at the end is the saddest phenomenon in the known world. I was going to dress up all nice and fancy and go to see something dramatic and wonderful, but it got to the day and I couldn’t really find anything that took my fancy. I was so tired and I just wanted to stay in and watch T.V. I did not feel bad about cancelling. I did not have to make up any excuses. I did not have to sit through a mediocre night waiting for my chance to go home.  I just didn’t go.

Instead, I cheated and had a night in. Totally could’ve been a date night. I ordered Papa John’s and watched Netflix and it was sweet. I did not have to wear actual clothes and I didn’t care that I got pizza sauce on myself.

Also I learned Papa John looks like Simon Cowell

Also I learned Papa John looks like Simon Cowell

Third date

Okay so my cinema date was probably the most awkward one. I actually wanted to go and see The Secret Life of Pets but I was a bit scared that I’d look a bit like a pervert if I went in on my own, in what closely resembles a trenchcoat. Since it was just me and I wasn’t meeting anyone, I went straight from work and didn’t check the times.

I was 40 minutes early to any movie, which made it slightly easier to pick what I was going to see, it was the Absolutely Fabulous Movie. I was pretty excited because I love Jennifer Saunders and I’ve always been a big fan of Ab Fab, but I don’t think any of my friends are and I can’t think of many guys who would leap at the chance.

Didn't have an umbrella, not bothered about scarf hair

Didn’t have an umbrella, not bothered about scarf hair

In the time I was waiting, I decided to go and get a Starbucks. Everyone gets coffee on their own. No biggie. Also, they made me a large by mistake, which is awesome and I didn’t feel judged for ordering a stereotypical white girl drink (skinny iced caramel macchiato, if you were wondering). I also didn’t feel bad about ogling the attractive young gentleman who took my ticket in the cinema. I did, however, feel bad about paying £8 to see the movie. There’s something strange about paying £8 to watch a movie in the cinema alone that you could watch in the comfort of your own home, but I was on a date so I wanted to treat myself.

It was the only date where I was really hoping no one I knew would spot me: waiting awkwardly in line, standing awkwardly about, sitting awkwardly watching every single one of the trailers. By this point in the week, I’d grown tired of explaining to people why I was dating myself. Everyone seemed to see my little experiment as me resigning to dying alone and being eaten by Alsatians in manner of Bridget Jones and the more that I protested that I wasn’t lonely, the more lonely I seemed. I don’t want to think too much about what that says about me.

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I was strangely paranoid that I’d get a couple of funny looks at the cinema: a 20-something year old wandering about alone, but obviously I didn’t. Actually, the staff at the cinema were particularly lovely. I keep forgetting how many people must go out on their own, especially to the cinema. It’s no new thing to see a movie alone.

I was sat either side a lovely younger couple and a lovely older couple. Both gave me sympathetic looks. The older couple had their bag on my seat the whole time I was making my way over their legs to it and after standing in front of it for a few seconds I actually had to ask them to move it and explain that yes, this was really my seat, ticket out and everything (don’t ask me why the seats were reserved for the showing, I thought they didn’t do that any more?). They were obviously assuming that the sad little single seat in the back row, winching row, would never be taken. Great. First trailer (yes I was there from the trailers, before the trailers actually) was for Durex. I can easily say the most uncomfortable I’ve felt in a very long time. I swear I felt both couples look at me out the corner of their eyes.

After the initial self-consciousness, I started to relax and I really enjoyed myself. The movie was pretty good, and Brienne from GoT was in it. A couple of times I turned to my right or left to say something to the person next to me before I remembered that I was on my own, but it stopped me gabbing all the way through it. It’s a bad habit and i’m trying to stop. Movies aren’t for talking through, so why do you need to go with someone? I enjoyed myself and I didn’t have to stand about in the freezing cold saying goodbye, or deciding where to go next or chatting or waiting for a taxi or whatever, I just went for a bus and came home. The entire night was slightly average, but it wouldn’t have been any better with a date.

Fourth date

This was definitely the best date I’ve ever been on. I woke up early, did a bit of yoga and went to visit THE GLASGOW BOTANIC GARDENS. I can’t even explain how much I love the Botanic Gardens, and it’s free!

After spending money all week it was lovely to just go for a nice wander in lovely nature for a day. I visited the killer plants greenhouse and honestly, I think I stayed in that tiny little room for like 40 minutes. When I finally walked out and got some fresh air, I realised that no date on earth would have happily stayed there with me to read every single description of all of the different killer plants. Is that sad? Who cares!

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After I was done staring at grass, I decided to go and get afternoon tea in the Botanic Gardens Tearooms. I read Nabokov and people watched and had the best afternoon tea ever.I was honestly so happy that I didn’t even care that it was raining when I came out. I had a wander around the rose garden and the rest of the greenhouses quite happily and listened to some music.

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If I had been there on a date, I’d be too occupied with whether the guy was bored or not. I think i’d feel a bit harsh dragging someone round the Botanic Gardens with me, I know it might be a niche interest considering everyone else there was either a tourist or under 10.

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All in all, dating myself was pretty good. It was nice getting to know myself again, and getting to do things I normally wouldn’t have considered if I was going with someone else. I also didn’t feel so worried about how I looked or how I would come across. I had a great week and I would highly recommend, to anyone and everyone, a week of dating yourself.