Jack Hewitt
Editor as of September 2013 and ever on the lookout for news, interesting features and new writers. [email protected]

Video stars damn Imperial’s ‘farcical and fallacious decision’ to disqualify winning entry

Martin B damns Imperial ‘to hell’ for disqualifying leading video despite cheating rumours surrounding the winners

Woo AC Woo!

Council Grants Planning Permission for Library to have Air Conditioning Units on roof, ending years of sweat and toil during revision periods (or at least the sweating part)

Answers left on back of EIE exam paper, pandemonium ensues

Students burst out laughing after realising department accidentally put mark scheme at the back of their exam and after panicky few minutes, have answer sheets taken off them and told to get on with it.

Union to have Gender Neutral Toilets

Move announced at Union Council on Tuesday Evening

Should’ve gone to Sheffield?

Or any of the 41 other places with a better ‘student experience’ score than Imperial after we do shockingly bad in Student Experience Survey

Really? Bart’s and RUMS better than ICSM according to latest rankings

ICSM ranked 15th in the UK by Complete University Guide with Bart’s 4th and RUMS 2nd with Imperial overall coming a disappointing 6th.

Felix outdo themselves once again

Factually incorrect, poorly researched, and likely breaking copyright laws. What the even fuck Felix?

Researchers: we don’t lose Eurovision because everyone hates us

Joint Imperial and UCL effort finds positive ties and good music more powerful than bitter resentment come the big day in Copenhagen

Marquee my words you won’t be seeing sunlight for a while

It’s back…

Ketamine labelled an ‘exciting’ treatment for depression

New trials show the party drug could bring people out of depression

Tab Exclusive: Evelyn Gardens to close

– All Evelyn Gardens Halls to close after end of 2014/15 Academic Year
– Number of wardens potentially cut next year too
– Would cost £60 million to refurb, not deemed viable

Controversial Greek minister and opponents clash in Huxley Building

Hellenic Society event descends into anarchy as Greek Health Minister Adonis Georgiades angrily reacts to hecklers before ranting about personal freedoms and calls them both communists and fascists.

Watch the bizarre video currently winning the Business School’s competition

Masters Students likely to take home £5,000 prize

It woz The Tab wot called it

Tab Exit poll 0.3% off actual result for Union President

The Tab meets Serena Yuen

We chatted about CERN, Brian May and dodgy Jackets (again)

Tab Exclusive: Mushrooms growing from Wilson’s Walls

Damp problems cause fungal infections and mushrooms with diameters reaching 6 cm and it’s spreading

The Tab meets Ben Fernando

we chatted Miliband and Louis Theroux with the RCSU President Candidate

The Tab meets Pascal Loose

We chatted to the DPE candidate about Pokemon, Irish poetry, and website design

The Tab meets Cecile Borkhataria

We chatted to the RCSU Presidential Candidate about eurotrip, jackets, and Call of Duty

Anonymous get involved in the Big Elections

They tell us who this ‘Robert O’Keeffe’ bloke is

The Tab meets Charles Prichard

We talk about robots and how Refreshers aren’t the shit with the Union President Candidate

The Tab meets Plabon Saha

We talk to former BNOC of the year contender and ICU Presidential Candidate Plabon Saha

The Tab meets Tom Wheeler

We chatted to ICU President Candidate and 3rd Year Physicist Tom Wheeler

The Tab meets Dariush Hassanzadeh-Baboli

We chatted to ICSMSU Presidential Candidate Dariush about his campaign and life in general

The Tab meets Jonny Pratt

We chatted to the ICU Presidential Candidate

Editorial: Elections

What we’ve got coming your way in the next two weeks

Business School mourns after death of student

We are sad to report that Postgraduate student Tianlin Wang passed away on Friday

Spotted: Mouse in JCR

Disturbing scenes in the Junior Common Room

Rise of the Library whiteboard message

Mildly amusing things written on whiteboard amuse many

Best of the bunch: RAG Val Ball

The best pics from Thursday Night for your enjoyment

Imperial received £7.7 million in Nuclear Weapons funding

College receives the most funding out of any UK University from Atomic Weapons Establishment for nuclear research in period JUly 2010-2012


It was in 1980 but still…

Imperial Valentines Cards

Innuendo-ful, inappropriate, and slightly romantic

Editorial: Coming soon… election announcements

Guess who’ll be announcing candidates before the Union officially does…

ICan do Maths me

Imperial students have sixth highest average score in numerical reasoning

I went to International School. I’m really very confused.

I don’t know what side of the three way Comp/Grammar/Private fence I fall on

New commenting system, new format, same old Tab

Some minor changes to the site to make your reading experience that little more enjoyable

Prince not-so-Charming: Prince Harry takes Cressida Bonas to Byron

Prince Harry has been spotted taking his girlfriend to the Byron on High Street Kensington

A Taste of Things to Come

JACK HEWITT on what’s occurring for the next 8 weeks.

Imperial Grad on BBC’s Tough Young Teachers

Former Civil Eng’er Nicholas Church to start in new BBC Three Show

Brian May Given Cancer All-Clear

Tests come back negative after Guitarist and Physicist feared to have Prostate Cancer

Is this UCL Medics Video the weirdest thing on the internet?

I say yes

Cringiest Video ever?

Call Me Maybe and £1 fish resurrected by Chemical Engineering Students for reasons unknown. They should have stayed dead.


Library to reopen on Thursday

It’s Official! Kensington housing rather expensive

Royal Borought boasts 6 out of the UK’s 10 most expensive streets and our own Prince Consort Road comes in at fourth

Phallus in Blunderland

Alumni email an Imperial cock-up

Like SOLE but better: Biologists Make Video about life, life sciences

Biologists give their opinions on lecturers, their department, and their building. NOTE: NOT THEIR ACTUAL OPINIONS

Report on Animal Abuse Released

Independent Brown Report makes a number of recommendations, all accepted by College

Spotted: Stopping Women from Going to the Library since 2012

NUS consultation accuses Spotted pages of playing a crucial part in lad culture and women aren’t going to library for fear of appearing on it

Editorial: Bashar al-Assad didn’t even go here!

How we chose the contenders for Imperial’s worst alumni

Oh rats! Texa Chicken officially filthy and full of pests

Students unperturbed at latest ‘no duh’ news to come out of H & F Council

Man writes election manifesto in crayon, wins Union Presidency

Meanwhile in Oxford…

No more Nightbussing

TfL to run some tube lines for 24 hours

To infinity… and it’s gone

ICU tells potential Star Command recruits to Buzz off

Buy your trip to space from the Union Website

Virgin Galactic trip for sale at www.imperialcollegeunion.org


A far more tolerable version of Blurred Lines courtesy of the sixth year medics

South Korea President to visit Imperial

Park Park, Park Geun-Hye,
On a visit from her home country,
Could be worse, she could be from Pyongyang,
Chilling with Kim Jong-Un’s communist gang.

UL not believe what he came dressed as

Student wins fancy dress costume in blackface

Where are the Geordies?

Londoners 43% more likely to make it to uni than those from the North East

It’s Movember!

Essential info for any Mo Bros out there

Here Today, Gos Tomorrow: College Closes Fansite Loophole

IT finds backdoor to the website, slams it shut

Imperial’s secret Ryan Gosling Fansite

There’s an easter egg on the college website for anyone who has ever got lost in those blue eyes

Damning Verdict over links to Big Oil

A new report has delivered a damning verdict on Imperial’s connections to the fossil fuels industry

Royal in School of Mines Visit

Prince Harry visits Imperial!

Return of the Marquee

It’s back…

Thermomet-where? Spanner and Bolt not first mascots stolen

Engineers say ‘Oh no you di’nt’ to claims RCSU stole mascots first, getting to Theta nearly a week earlier

What a bunch of tools! CGCU mascots stolen

RCSU steals CGCU mascots and bolt it

Dose of Good News for Spinoff

Imperial Innovations sees share price soar to two-year high

Best of Student Nightlife from 2012/13

Some of the best pics from the student nightlife in 2012/13.

Spotted: Entourage star outside Beit

ITV’s show about pioneering retailer Henry Selfridges had several scenes filmed outside Beit Quad today.

An A-Z of Freshers’ Part 2

M-Z of the alphabet of anarchy talks about fine dining and solvents. Enjoy…

An A-Z of Freshers’: Part 1

London is confusing, scary, and a little silly. Here’s an A-Z of life at IC, starting with A-L

Oil, Drugs and McNuggets: Where does Imperial put its cash?

Colleges investments revealed

Parenting… How hard can it be?

The trials and tribulations of signing up for the mums and dads initiative

Take that Oxford

QS World University rankings came out and we came 5th, beating Oxford. Unfortunately, UCL came 4th…

Grant Thornton>Beach

Ratemyplacement.com’s best places to spend your summers. Hint: Ibiza isn’t one of them.

Ugly College London and Castle Mildly Unsightly

UCL and Oxford Halls shortlisted for Carbuncle Cup awarded to the country’s worst building

Boris: you’re only here to find a husband

BoJo proves he still has his controversy-courting mojo as he riles up feminists and Twitter keyboard warriors.

Should have gone to Surrey?

The Guardian’s league tables are out. Apparently, UCL and Surrey are better. But no surprises in how Imperial did in individual criteria.

My life in Shags

Another Facebook fad, this time about rating shags. Here’s my childhood and early life in shags…

Don’t lose your RAG: AGM suffers low turnout

RAG Chair was withdrawn from the Summer Elections in a move not discussed at Union Council and instead elected at the RAG AGM last week.

Wazza to IC?

Wayne Rooney has said he wants a new challenge and is set to leave Manchester United. I say he comes to Imperial. The rigours of academia and prospect of him avoiding the intelligence gibes may be exactly what he needs.

Sauron for DPE

DPE would be a good consolation prize for the man who just missed out on being supreme ruler of Middle Earth. This is why I’m voting Sauron for Deputy President (Education).

May’s Facebook Fad

This month’s mildly amusing facebook page is things we won’t be caught saying. Cue the UCL jokes…

Hellfire and Huxley

Pro-Sharia Law protests took place outside the Bangladeshi Embassy yesterday. We spoke to some of the protesters.

Interview with a protester

What are the protests outside Huxley all about? The tab talks to one of the protesters about all the placarding.

D*ckheads and their Dissertations

‘Look at me I finished my dissertation and degree!’ Thanks for letting us know, wanker. Here are the people who are so proud of themselves they uploaded a picture of it onto the internet.

Campus Crime Spree?

Was there a robbery in SAF? Are the medics and biologists still safe to doss around on the sofas and go to lectures? Has this all been blown completely out of proportion by a sensationalist tabloid journo?

Blowjob girl 2.0?

It caused quite a splash last year and OMFG someone got a video of it this time.

Chug or Chunder: Roosters Piri Piri

Conveniently located opposite Charing Cross Hospital, is the new chicken shop on the block a challenger to the mighty Texa? First in a series to find London’s best drunk chicken joint.

The ICU President race: a marketing analysis

When running for a sabbatical post, how you go about it can be just as important as what you have in your manifesto. Here’s a breakdown of where the race was won and lost- the pre-campaigning (yes, it happened), campaign week, and voting week.

Parade Marches to sucess

Jack Hewitt watches someone else get lynched for a change

Souls For Sale: Jaguar Land Rover

Recruiters are everywhere, The Tab rates their sweets.