Nobody asked, but here’s your college and your nostalgic CBBC show

CBBC was, for most of us, a key, fundamentally life-changing part of our childhoods. So, this very scientific and 1000 per cent accurate matching of your college with the CBBC show that best captures your college’s uniqueness. Nostalgia incoming.

Collingwood – The Next Step (2013-2025)

The auditions are in here, right? I was definitely not a sporty child. While everyone else was kicking balls around, I was watching the cinematic masterpiece that is the The Next Step and honestly, I still haven’t recovered from the emotional devastation of Ella stealing Riley’s solo at Nationals. If Collingwood were a dance team, they’d absolutely be A-Troupe: talented, intense and trying just a little too hard. Babygirl, it’s not the Olympics, it’s Maiden Castle. Collingwood likes to think they’re the Michelle of Durham, but we all know they’re Emily.

Grey – Newsround (1972-Present)

Ah, Grey College. The beautiful (not really), wonderfully average Grey. We all know the saying: ‘Grey by name, Grey by nature.’ If anything in this world could out-grey Grey, it’s Newsround. Don’t get me wrong: I loved Newsround as a kid. The thrill I felt when my form teacher announced it was Newsround Day? Chills. But here’s the problem: just like Grey, Newsround simply cannot compete with the absolute bangers CBBC produced. Why listen to real-world news when I could watch Sarah Jane and her weirdly hot son fight aliens? And that is exactly how it feels when someone tells me they’re going to Grey. Like… okay, you could do that or you could live a little.

Via YouTube

John Snow – Horrible Histories (2009-Present)

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Honestly every history department across the UK owes Horrible Histories their careers. Those episodes were long, sometimes dark, always chaotic and absolutely responsible for my widely complicated relationship with history. John Snow is Horrible Histories not just because it shares a name with a real historical figure, (John Show, the guy who figured out cholera came from the water), but also because it would be a historical event if I ever walked all the way up that hill to just get to John Snow.

John Snow, you better feel honoured to be given this choice. And before anyone starts crying that Castle should’ve been Horrible Histories. please … Don’t be so basic.

Josephine Butler – Wolfblood (2012-2017)

Better than Twilight, Wolfblood was where it was really at. This show is basically the tween equivalent of staying up late to read “just one more chapter” of that Wolfstar fanfic on AO3 (or the adult equivalent of buying “just one more Quaddie” when you quite literally can’t see anything). Wolfblood was terrible but also perfect. Guillermo del Toro could never recreate the feeling of sprinting home after school just to watch it live. Butler is Wolfblood because it absolutely feels like the kind of place where you could hide a pack of werewolves without anyone noticing. You’re telling me you couldn’t put a full bunker in The Mount? I’m not here to start rumours… I’m just saying.

Hild Bede – Relic: Guardians of the Museum (2010)

Okay, this one is a bit out there. You’re forgiven if you’ve never seen Relic: Guardians of the Museum, but honestly. You should. Nothing hits quite like watching a bunch of kids sprint around the British Museum (if we can even call it that) while being chased by actors doing their best Woman in Black impressions. And seriously where did they find these children? They were always disastrously bad at the challengers and somehow worse at the history. On a history show. Hild Bede is Relic because it is a relic. And just like the British Museum, it probably should have been knocked down years ago. From broken windows that let snow drift inside, to rumours of toxic air, to add an aura of ‘stolen artefacts’… it all aligns a little too well. However I would trust Simon to run the British Museum.

South – The Sparticle Mystery (2011-2015)

Honestly? What a show. The Sparticle Mystery was a cultural reset. Oh to be eight years old again, experiencing that show for the first time. It felt cool and different and also a little bit scary…which is exactly South’s whole personality. South knows it’s not like the other colleges. It’s modern, weirdly futuristic and slightly confusing in a way that makes you think, yeah something science-y and possibly illegal could absolutely be happening in there. And that’s why South is The Sparticle Mystery. It looks sleek and advanced, nobody fully understands what’s going on inside, and half the time it feels like an experiment that escaped the lab.

St Aidan’s – The Dumping Ground (2013-Present)

Aidan’s, prepare yourselves for some loving slander. This choice was so easy it basically wrote itself. Have you ever heard a single human being on this earth say, “I put Aidan’s as my first choice”? No. You haven’t. Because it does not happen. Aidan’s is quite literally The Dumping Ground of Durham colleges. No one ends up there on purpose, it’s a little unloved, and the whole place radiates “we’re trying our best despite deep-rooted issues” energy. It’s messy, chaotic, slightly traumatising and somehow still functioning, exactly like the show.

Via YouTube

St Mary’s – Hetty Feather (2015-2020)

Hetty Feather was an easy choice for Mary’s. I’ve accidentally included two Jacqueline Wilson adaptations in this article but honestly she really was the undisputed queen of CBBC. All her shows were wild, emotional, honestly not really for children… which is basically what it feels like to be at Durham University anyway. Mary’s is one of the oldest colleges, founded in 1899, which matches the era of Hetty Feather perfectly. And Hetty herself is a strong female lead, just like the college’s origins as a women only college. Hetty is also known for her bright and beautiful red hair, and Mary’s has the same energy: perched dramatically on the hill, impossible to miss. I’ve heard people call it ‘the Bailey on the Hill’ and that feels right.

Stephenson – So Awkward (2015-2020)

So Awkward can basically be defined as what it feels like to meet someone from Stephenson. That has been my exact experience with people in Stevo. It’s also… not the prettiest place. I fear it could genuinely compete with Jas’s “sick teddy” for the amount of germs and unidentified illnesses growing in there. And the way people tell you they’re from Stevo? It’s like they’re already apologising for it before you’ve even reacted. Painfully, beautifully awkward. Just like the show.

Trevelyan – 4 o’Clock Club (2012-2020)

The Hill – can’t live with them, can’t kick them out. Trev’s embodies that energy more than anyone. Trev’s is lowkey the embarrassment of the Hill, especially with that shape. But let’s be honest: the Hill wouldn’t be the Hill without Trev’s holding down the chaos quota. The vibes match the painfully strange, questionably written, occasionally iconic raps in 4 O’ Clock Club. Cringe, confusing, unforgettable… just like Trev’s.

Van Midert – Deadly 60 (2009-Present)

Who needs a TV licence or BBC iPlayer when you can get your wildlife fix just by looking at the Mildert lake? You’ll witness the weirdest and most wonderful creatures, many of which probably shouldn’t legally exist. I don’t even want to imagine what’s living in there. There’s definitely at least one undiscovered species that would rewrite the entire scientific understanding of life on Earth. And honestly? If Durham ever has a cholera outbreak, everyone knows it’s coming straight out of Van Mildert. The “deadly” in Deadly 60 has never felt more appropriate.

Via Youtube

Ustinov – M.I High (2007-2011)

I’m not entirely sure Ustinov deserves a show as iconic as M.I. High, because that series was genuinely elite children’s television. But Ustinov fits M.I. High for one simple reason: it is weirdly, suspiciously secretive. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone from Ustinov, and I have absolutely no idea what goes on in there. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out they’d been operating a full-blown spy network this whole time. And let’s be real… they’re probably old enough to remember the show first-hand.

Hatfield – Operation Ouch (2012-Present)

Honestly, having an operation without anaesthetic would still be less painful than talking to anyone from Hatfield. Medieval torturers could not invent anything more excruciating than the experience of interacting with Hatfielders on a normal day. Simply put on Operation Ouch! It is painful and so is Hatfield.

St John’s-Odd Squad (2014-Present)

St John’s… I’m sorry, but you are odd. Everything I’d ever heard about John’s made me pause and think: what on earth is going on in there, and why is that happening? People from John’s having a very distinct vibe, you just know before they even tell you where they’re from. It’s quirky, it’s cute… but it’s fundamentally also very, very odd. And that’s exactly why St John’s is perfectly paired with Odd Squad.

Castle – Young Dracula (2006-2014)

I know what you’re thinking: Castle must be Horrible Histories, right? Well, no I’m not that basic. Instead, Castle gets Young Dracula, and honestly… I’m not entirely happy about it. Castle, you’ve somehow landed a TV show you don’t deserve. You’re evil. You’re gothic, and yes I guess the vibes fits but still, it feels like a slightly cruel prank. Still, credit where credit’s due you are perfectly evil enough to pull it off.

St Cuthbert’s – Shaun The Sheep (2007-Present)

I can’t lie… I don’t really know why, but Cuth’s just screams perfect Shaun the Sheep energy. Iconic, slightly bizarre but incredibly fun. You stand out on the Bailey as a normal, genuinely cool group of people and everyone I’ve met from there has been super nice. And let’s be honest, sheep eat a lot. You know what else does? The Cuth’s JCR Tiktok page. The grass is green, so is Cuth’s.

St Chad’s – Trapped (2007-2010)

Via YouTube

We’ve all heard of the infamous Durham bubble, but I bet you’ve never heard of the Chad’s bubble. Well, it’s real… and it when it burst. God, it’s traumatising. Trapped genuinely feels like being stuck and that’s exactly what Chad’s feels like. It’s small, everyone knows everything, and yes, they absolutely have opinions about it. And yes, you will know about it. The way the voice in the show whispers into people’s ears? That’s Chad’s. Sometimes you walk into a room and instantly realise: you either don’t know the latest Chad’s gossip… or you are it. For anyone reading this from Chad’s: I don’t hate you. I’m just aware that I’m probably not giving the most convincing case. x

Featured Image via YouTube
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